15-yr-old DD Ran away Saturday night

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
15-yr-old DD Ran away Saturday night
5
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 2:26pm

Hello all,


Let me start at the beginning.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:20pm

I hope you hear from your dd soon!!!!

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Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:34pm

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you're all able to focus on what's best for Sammi now and over the next months to come should you get her home.

I have to say that IMO, it's not okay for kids, especially teens, to be given choices of where to live, which parent to bunk with, etc. It's one or the other. Unless she is in danger of some sort of abuse, there is no reason for her to change homes. Her father is too strict? Well, maybe some type of mediation by a family therapist would help instead of moving her. As long as she knows that when things get tough she can bail, she will. The idea is to teach her how to accept the rules and learn how to live within the boundaries that are set for her.

She is only 15, not yet an adult.

When she is 16, you won't even be able to classify her as a runaway because legally the police cannot force her to come home. Yet you will be responsible for any trouble she gets into until she is 18.

What will be different for her living at your house? Will she have her own room, will she have a place in your new family? Will she be held to curfew and expected to maintain passing grades? What will you do differently from her father that will make a difference in her behavior?

I think its fair to say that there is no magic answer to fix everything and make your dd behave as you would like. Have you been in counseling? Have you sought out any type of professional help to learn how to parent differently or cope with dd's and exh's behaviors? What about familial support - do you have any extended family to lean on, such as siblings or parents? In order for you to be there 100% for her, you need support as well. And she needs to know that there are certain expectations of her as well. She needs to know that at 15 running away is not acceptable. Being a big crybaby because she's so mad at daddy for making her follow his stupid rules is not okay either.

Sammi is very beautiful and I'm sure she's a sweetheart, but sometimes our beautiful darling little teenaged sweethearts are also very good manipulators. BTDT and learned the hard way how not to get sucked in by it. I hope that your dd comes to her senses and comes home. In the meantime, hugs and prayers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 3:54pm

I really hope you hear from her soon. Leave her a message on her cell. Tell her if she comes home you'll have her stay with you during the summer to see how things work out. Maybe the prospect of a change will entice her to come back for a while. And you know it might be good to have a "trial run" of her living with you to see if its really what she and you expected.

Good luck to you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 4:26pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 8:14pm
Woah this must just be one of the worst days of your life. I pray you find her and can convince her to come stay with you. Best of luck and please keep us posted.