15yr old SS just doesn't talk!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
15yr old SS just doesn't talk!
12
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 6:56am
SS, his dad and I have been living together for almost 2 years. During this time I have been very considerate of the challenges SS could be possibly be dealing with as a result of his parents divorce, me being a new woman in his life. I have also been aware of his low self esteem which is likely a result of his mother contantly telling him he is wrong, bad and not as good as his sister. His mother finally gave up on him two years ago which has resulted in him now living with his father.

My frustration is that he doesn't talk. He comes home and doesn't say hello. I've done many things for him and he hardly says thank you. It seems that he feels these things are expected of me and he doesn't appreciate them. He treats his mother and grandmother the same way. I've only really seen him communicate with his father. I feel like I have to walk around on thin ice when he's home and pretend I'm invisible. He'd love to come home to an empty house so he can do his own thing and not have to be considerate of others.

What do we do?

Thanks for any advice!

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Avatar for arwen12
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 7:15am
How long has SS been living with you ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 9:47am
He has lived with his father for two years and me 1 1/2 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 1:41pm

i know its frustrating but some 15 YOs are like that. and as much as you and his dad know that his parents are staying divorced - he probably is hoping that they will get back together. that's the "normal" 15 YO son of divorced parents dream. add to that his feelings of low self esteem----- going to school every day is probably very difficult to him (think of going every day to a bad job) and it is understandable that all he wants to do is disappear when he comes home.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 2:19pm
He is disrespectful to me, his grandmother and mother. His grandmother and I make great efforts to accomodate his needs. I think we are catering to him too much and he then expects us to do things without even a thank you. It's ridiculous!

I really don't think he wants his parents to get back together. He'd rather just live with his father and not have to worry about accomodating other people in the home.

Going to school was a problem for him but I think we have overcome that. He has a few friends there and spends time with them on the weekends, etc. I think is self esteem as like any 15 year old.

hmmmmmm.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 4:46pm
Does your dh support you in this or does he let your ss get away with treating you disrespectfully.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 5:07pm
Thanks for the message! Thankfully his father is very much on board and agrees that we need to tackle this. Our concern is that we are doing the right thing. So far what we've been doing hasn't worked so hope this new approach will be successful.
Avatar for louannems
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 8:13pm
My DS, 15,nearly 16,sounds a lot like your son. And I have lived with him forever! My DH and I have always been toghether. Going through adolecence is a painful PROCESS for some teens! My son quit talking to me a couple yrs ago, he doesn't even say hi when he walks in the door! Try not to take it personally! My son isn't exactly disrepectful, and he certaintly doesn't expect me to wait on him! But no more long talks either.

I know he hates school.I also know that they outgrow so much of this bad behavior. My 24 yo DS went through all this and he calls me all the time now just to gab!!! Itdoes get better.Hang in there! Louanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 9:03pm
So there's a light at the end of the tunnel! Thank you very much for taking the time to write. It makes me feel good to know that people like you are out there who can offer some great encouragement and advice.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 12:59pm

ok. disrespect should not be tolerated. PERIOD. your DH should be supporting you on this. i.e., your DH should not let him get away with being disrespectful. OTOH - you should not be going out of your way to be accomodating to your SS. just stop doing for him - that can include laundry and lunches for school.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 6:37pm
How specifically is he disrespectful to you and his grandmother? As far as saying "please and thank you" that might be becaue he was never TAUGHT to when he was small. My ex husband NEVER said Please or thank you to me when asking for something. It wasn't until we split up that he asked me to "Please" take the city bill down and pay it for him...I made a MAJOR issue over him saying please including sending him a THANK YOU card and a bottle of wine! So as far as "thank you goes" your Step Son might not realize just how important "thank you" can be. If he is mouthing off...that comes with the territory, I quite often have to remind my daughter WHO she is talking to when she mouths off at me and that I don't have to take it, but alas that IS pretty much a teen thing whether they are your step kids, your biological kids or whether you and their other parent are still together or not. It's good that your husband is behind you on this...the best way to get over this is for the both of you to show a united front.

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