16 DS drinking with friend? tell parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
16 DS drinking with friend? tell parents
4
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 6:44pm

This morning I came home to my 16yr old ds and his friend trying to dispose of an empty vodka bottle into the trash. This is the second time I have caught my son drinking at our house. My question is do I tell the parents of my teens' friend that they were drinking at our house? I spoke to both boys and explained that drinking at 16 is illegal and it will not be tolerated at our house. We do not agree with underage drinking and will not condone it. I told my son and his friend that if I catch the two of them drinking at our house again that I will notify his parents. Did I do the right thing by giving them a second chance? My husband thinks I should call the friends parents and let them know.

My son will be grounded for his behavior and ironically he was supposed to go and get his drivers license in 2 days. I explained that he will have to wait as I feel as though I do not trust him right now and that I can not hand over the keys to our car to someone who knows right from wrong, and choses to do the wrong thing. Am I being to harsh?
Thanks for any advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 6:54pm

I don't think you are being too harsh by not letting him get his license.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 7:43pm

I'd tell. Be prepared for the possible fallout from a parent in denial.

I'm currently in the same position, only I can't find out the phone number of this girl's parents... they're in a different town. But maybe I don't need to cause I just found out this morning that she recently got busted for possession of alcohol. But her parents don't know that the manager of her workplace is driving her to get alcohol, and buying it for her. I went there, but he's been fired....

I really feel they need to know. And that my son is drinking with her sometimes.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 7:46pm
Thanks for your reply and helpful advice. The first time my son got caught is was with someone else whose parents I know very well and would feel comfortable talking to. The boy that was with my son this time is a "new" neighbor of mine whose parents are just what you described "the not my son type". I'm almost sure that I would end up with a bullet on my back if you know what I mean and so would my son....labelled "the bad kid in the neighborhood". So unlike my husband I am hesitant to tell them what happened.
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 9:23pm

Am I being to harsh?... Yes, you are being harsh, and yes, it's the right thing to do! Obviously, he's shown you a few times that he's gonna do what he wants to do. Keep the keys! Responsible people get additional responsibilities. Teens that drink are not responsible people. I know, it's a blanket statement, but it's more true than not. Ground him until the end of eternity if that is what feels right in your family. And, although I prefer it's "not my kid," I still want to know if my kid is screwing up. I would tell the other parents and use lots of "cover my own butt" phrases like "I saw them trying to hide the bottle" "I don't know if they were both drinking" "It wasn't my bottle to start with" (meaning, they didn't steal it from my personal stash) "As a parent, I thought you would want to know."

I think they deserve just the facts, without judgement of any kind. I wouldn't share what you have chosen as discipline. To do so indicates to them that they should do something, or leaves them open to critizes your level of discipline. I would only have a further conversation if they request it, or ask for your help dealing with it. Ideally, as parents, if you all confront both kids involved at the same time, with a predetermined punishement already worked out (if all parents can agree...) then both boys get a clear message that this doesn't work in the Smith house and this doens't work in the Jones house. Period. Team parenting, sort of.