16 yo daughter and getting a job
My daughter is 16 and a straight A honors student, but that's about it. She has no real hobbies or activities outside of school. I have been talking to her since the beginning of the school year about looking for a part-time job, not just for the money but for something to do, but she is not interested. She has been warned that allowance is being discontinued in May and she knows we will get a car for her to drive if she contributes towards the expense, but still she does not want to work. I think the main reason is that she is shy and doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself. I think a job would help her with those issues. And I really don't want her sitting around the house this summer with nothing to do, so the sooner she starts looking, the better. I have suggested places she might enjoy working and have given her advice on interviewing, etc. I don't know what else to do. Suggestions?
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Sue
Don't "talk to her" about finding a job, make it a demand.
Pick up some applications from places like grocery stores and fast food and let her fill them out with your help.
I second everyone's push to make this a requirement. For my dd18, who couldn't find a job last summer (and we did see the applications she put in, so we knew she was looking) we actually required 35 hours a week of work/volunteering through us. I was happy to have the help for ds10 and ds8, and our church and school benefited as well. And she had other activities, no shortage of them, as her show choir continued to have a lot going on through the first half of the summer.
The one thing that might help you "push" is to realize that it really is GOOD for her - not just now, but in college. Honestly, there are lots of schools that will take your dd with just a good GPA and good ACT/SAT scores (most state schools, even good ones, start and stop right there)... but what about once she actually gets to campus? Do you want her to be sitting in her dorm room, afraid to get out there, afraid to make friends? THAT is actually one of the biggest predictors of failure in college - not being involved, not feeling connected.
I have one child who is fairly introverted, our ds10. He is very happy to just hang out at home and read books. But, we gently nudge him to join activities and require him to do something active (we ran through many sports before deciding on karate, in spite of his lack of talent, lol). We make him volunteer, we assign him chores, and in middle school next year, we've already told him he has to join something, even if it's just an extracurricular orchestral group. We've seen what a difference it makes, NOT just in HS, but going forward. I have seen how dh struggles a bit because he is your typical shy, quiet IT guy.
Requiring your dd to get out there - to work, to volunteer, to join a club, will help her for the rest of her life. You may feel bad now forcing her to do that, but it will pay off.
Good luck-
Theresa
Does she really not believe you will cut off the money?
Thank you, everyone, for the ideas and support. I have decided that this Saturday I will take her around town to pick up applications and be sure to explain very thoroughly why she needs to do this. I am also going to give her the option of volunteering, but being a bump on a log is NOT an option. My husband has also offered to talk to her, so I'm taking him up on that, and maybe between the two of us we'll be able to motivate her.
http://jobsearch.about.com/od/teenjobinterviews/qt/teeninterview.htm
or http://jobsearch.about.com/od/interviewsnetworking/a/teeninterview.htm
so that she knows what to expect and that it's not that bad. For a quiet person, that might be a big hurdle. FWIW.
Sue
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
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