16 yr old and buying a car HELP!!
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16 yr old and buying a car HELP!!
| Fri, 07-06-2007 - 8:43pm |
I am new to this board, but I need some advice! I am a mother of 3 and a step mom to 3. 4 of the 6 are teenagers...ages 19, 18, 16, and 16. My question is on the subjects of cars. My husband and I agreed that the kids should pay 1/2 of their car and we would pay 1/2. That was when his kids lived with their mom and my son lived with us. However, when the oldest came to live with us when he was 17 my husband felt like since he wasn't encouraged to get a job and have good grades when he was with his mom that we would give him a modest car and he could make payments as long as he tried in school and had a job ect. He ended up getting fired from his job and we parked the car. Long story short he ended up getting the car once he was out on his own due to family pressure(my mother-in-law). So, the dangling of a car did nothing to instill pride or make him have any ambition. Now, my 16 year old wants the same deal. We've always told him we would match him. My husbands other 2 kids were given cars by their mothers, not us. My son currently has no job and isn't really all that big into work either. So, if we did buy a car and had to put him on our insurance we would be paying that no matter what if he didn't get a job and keep it. Are we being fair? What is everyone else doing for their teens? I want him to have a car and be independent but he sort of wants dessert before dinner. He has no money saved up because he decided he wanted a pool membership for the summer. He is not a bad kid at all, he isn't into drugs or drinking and usually runs with a good group of kids. Any advice???

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Now my close to 16 DD has no job yet and is fairly lazy. So unless she does a major "turn around" a vehicle is not in her near future. She figures to have her middle brothers car when he is away at school since freshmen can't have cars. We'll see about that!
My dd(16) should be getting her license this Friday. I've talked to her so many times about working so she could get a car. It goes in one ear and out the other. She keeps saying oh I know you'll give me your car. I've told her numerous times that is not going to happen. We have two cars, one for dh and one for me. I don't feel I can back down on this. I think if she truly wanted a car bad enough she would have gotten a job somewhere. There are so many places hiring around here that anyone that wants a entry level job could have it almost immediately. I sometimes feel bad that I'm playing hardball but I want her to have the pride and satisfaction of hard work. In my opinion giving everything to her would not help. A lot of this is based off what I had to do when I got my first car. I had to have a job, my Dad took out a loan for it and I had to be able to pay it off in a year. I did all the above and had great pride in what I had done and I want her to feel that too.
This is our oldest so I could be totally off base with what we are doing so I'm anxious to hear all the other opinions.
My son isn't of driving age yet, but he will not being getting his own car until he graduates and actually needs a car of his own to go to and from college. We expect that he will work toward paying for the car on his own and we will help him with the remainder (no more than 1/2) upon graduation. Our assistance in paying for the car is conditional upon two things. Graduating with no grades lower than a B and being enrolled in college for the following fall semester.
stacy
" Too many bad things happen to teens who are just given a car"
I have to beg to differ with this statement. I was given a car at 16 so were my 3 other siblings....we all turned out pretty good :) I'm not sure what kind of "bad" things your thinking happen to kids who are givin cars. We do not want our son to work. His school and activities take up all of his time. We want him also to have time for fun in his high school yrs. now WE make this decision as adults. Obviously if the grades fall, or he goes off the deep end, he will loose the car.
Part of the reason we will give our children cars is so mom gets a break from all of the driving. I can't tell you how happy I am that I am done going out at night to pick children up from activities that end at 10:00 or 11:00 pm :)
Just thought I would share my thoughts.....I think that statement was a bit of a dramatic generalization :)
Julie
I remember when I was in highschool, early 80s. There was one guy who's parents gave him a very nice, nearly new car. He didn't have it but a few weeks and totalled it. Lucky he didn't get hurt, or anyone else. I'm sure most people know someone, or went to school with someone who did that kind of thing. Heck, there's a guy that lives up the road from us right now, he just had his nice fast sportscar taken away from him for doing burn-outs on the road, lost his license I believe. His grandfather, or someone stupid in his family got him a new truck. Big one. He's back to doing it again. And, yep, DH or I will call the law when we catch him doing it. He's been doing it about a quarter mile from our home. There's always someone around who has no appreciation for what is given them. "I think that statement was a bit of a dramatic generalization" - that's where the dramatic comes in at.
For myself, and my DDs.... The oldest will be 16 next summer. I will be getting her a modest (read less than $2K) vehicle, that she will not have to pay for. It will come out of money intended for her. She will be expected to put gas in it, and chip in for insurance when she becomes employed. I expect her to do a lot around the house to help out. And, I expect that to continue. I have told her that if I ever catch her (and she knows I'll be checking, I'm just the type to do it) doing something stupid or dangerous with the car, that I have no problem going to the court house and signing the papers for them to take her license away from her. I will not be legally responsible for her irresponsible behavior, or anyone's for that matter. She can sign for herself when she turns 18. Too much at stake, and I've got younger kids to worry about. I expect she may not like her first car. Mine was an old Ford Maverick, sky blue with the clear coat off of it, '74 I think. Wish I had it back now. But, she will be thankful to have something. That much I am pretty confident in. Her mom's such a hard-nose.
Sallie
"For myself, and my DDs.... The oldest will be 16 next summer. I will be getting her a modest (read less than $2K) vehicle,"
I never said anything about the cost of the car, just the generalization that if a parent bought that car for the kid, the bad things would happen. This is my point, sure we all know stupid kids that do stupid things....heck I know stupid adults that do stupid things....but I believe generalizing that the kid is going to do something bad BECAUSE the parents purchased the car is the "dramatic generalization".
You are purchasing a car for your daughter....does that mean that you think that she would disrespect or respect it any less or more then if she bought it? Just wondering, cause I think you missed my point :)
Julie
P.S. I guess I shouldn't have just thrown out there that we don't want DS to work. We don't want him to work out of the house :) He does plenty and has responsibilities just as me a sahm. I work for what I get as well :) I think that I don't disrespect my car because the money that was used to purchase it was earned by my DH....we feel as a family, we're all in this together.
Edited 7/7/2007 4:29 pm ET by jbgattuso
"I don't think this poster was saying that bad things will necessarily happen if a kid is given a car."
I dont know, here is the quote that I was responding to;
"Too many bad things happen to teens who are just given a car."
It's not a huge deal, just something that I disagree with. I think that people need to do what they think is right with their own kids, I just didn't feel it was right to generalize that kids who were given a car would have "bad things happen".
Julie
I am at least glad to know that I am not alone in this decision! My son is very active in church and sports. So, I do understand about taking time away from school to work. I am a bit torn. But, had he kept a job and/or been extra willing around the house maybe I would feel a little differently about just buying a car for him. But, I have a hard time doing that when I am picking up after him daily! I also feel like backing down may not be the best thing either. However, I see his point about giving the car basically to his step-brother. I want to be fair, but I am not so sure that it is the best thing for him!
Susan
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