16 yr old and buying a car HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
16 yr old and buying a car HELP!!
27
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 8:43pm
I am new to this board, but I need some advice! I am a mother of 3 and a step mom to 3. 4 of the 6 are teenagers...ages 19, 18, 16, and 16. My question is on the subjects of cars. My husband and I agreed that the kids should pay 1/2 of their car and we would pay 1/2. That was when his kids lived with their mom and my son lived with us. However, when the oldest came to live with us when he was 17 my husband felt like since he wasn't encouraged to get a job and have good grades when he was with his mom that we would give him a modest car and he could make payments as long as he tried in school and had a job ect. He ended up getting fired from his job and we parked the car. Long story short he ended up getting the car once he was out on his own due to family pressure(my mother-in-law). So, the dangling of a car did nothing to instill pride or make him have any ambition. Now, my 16 year old wants the same deal. We've always told him we would match him. My husbands other 2 kids were given cars by their mothers, not us. My son currently has no job and isn't really all that big into work either. So, if we did buy a car and had to put him on our insurance we would be paying that no matter what if he didn't get a job and keep it. Are we being fair? What is everyone else doing for their teens? I want him to have a car and be independent but he sort of wants dessert before dinner. He has no money saved up because he decided he wanted a pool membership for the summer. He is not a bad kid at all, he isn't into drugs or drinking and usually runs with a good group of kids. Any advice???
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 11:29pm

We have dealt with this twice now, once for my 19 yr old son and once for my 16 yr old daughter. We did purchase each of them a car and we pay their insurance. Since their dad and I are divorced, we have each paid for one and are each paying for one insurance. I do not believe that anything bad comes from purchasing a car for them.... If a child has a sense of entitlement, it didn't suddenly begin at age 16... that is something that was instilled in them long before that time. Here are some of the things that factored into our decision....

1)The town we live in basically has no jobs available before age 16 and very few before 17 because of the difference in regulations and the many 17-18 yr olds available for jobs.

2) There is no public transportation here so anywhere you go means driving unless it is very very closeby which most stuff the kids need to do isn't.

3) They are responsible in their driving and follow the few rules I have put in place.

4) They have a gas and allowance budget and anything over that they pay for by working part time. My son only worked summers until his sr yr in high school because he really didn't need or care about much money. My daughter is working this summer, but I am not sure whether she will continue during the school year.

5) Their being able to drive has relieved a burden off of me as a single mom. Sharing my car with them would have made them not able to have a part time job, do alot of activities they are involved in so it has been an all around good thing for our family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 11:16am

Hey, I'm not arguing with ya.

"one guy who's parents gave him a very nice, nearly new car. He didn't have it but a few weeks and totalled it" <-- that's the kind of thing that everyone thinks about when we begin thinking about buying our kids a car. And, I also told the story about the idiot who lives near us that does the burn-outs on the road with his new (bought FOR him, not BY him) truck, yeah he's an adult, so you're right they're everywhere.

And, I'm not purchasing my kids (at least the oldest 2) a car with MY $$, it's theirs, they just don't have to work for that $$. It's not coming out of my pocket. And, I do worry about them seeing that it's coming out of thin air. I know how my kids have treated things that were given to them in the past, and have a valid concern that it will be the same thing all over again. And a car is a BIG thing, to be flippant about, as a lot of teens will be. It's not even the money issue for me, it's the respect/safety issue. They can get hurt, right along with them causing other people to get hurt. It is a lot for anyone to chew and swallow. Just as it was difficult for our parents to deal with, same old stuff. How's that, same old book just different chapter?

My girls have a lot of work to do around here, so I'm not doubting that there's not JUST as much responsibility to be had, even without working. Our girls have housework (I work outside home, DH is SAHD), farm work to do, help in remodelling the house, in addition to helping with little sisters, and school work. Hard to fit in any fun time in there, but they sneak some of that in too. So, you won't hear any arguing from me about there being just as much responsibility staying at home and not having a job ;o).

"You are purchasing a car for your daughter....does that mean that you think that she would disrespect or respect it any less or more then if she bought it? Just wondering, cause I think you missed my point :)" --- At least with MY kids - when they purchase something they do tend to take better care of it. Did I get your point? If they had to work for it, even just save up for it, they take better care of it, I'm less likely to see "it", whatever "it" is, lying around or left so that the little kids can get hold of "it". Can't begin to count the number of times I've seen them get their mp3's from the little kids (that they got for present), but have yet to see them leave their games for their game systems where the little ones can reach them (that they bought and paid for). I'm pretty sure there are a lot of kids that are that way. Not all, but plenty. So, yeah as her parent, knowing her, I'm concerned about it. And, as I said, a car is a big thing, can be deadly, so I feel I've got a very valid concern.

Sallie

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 2:04pm

"And, as I said, a car is a big thing, can be deadly,"

That is right..... no matter who purchases it. My original arguement was that just because a parent buys the car, does not mean that "bad things happen". I hear you on kids that don't respect things that are given to them as much as if they purchase them themselves.....but I don't think that I would purchase or let my child purchase their own car if the hadn't matured enough to care for something and be responsible for it and with it.....no matter who purchased it :)

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 3:05pm


Has anyone clued into the problems we are facing, all of us, with global warming.

Why would anyone encourage teens to have their own cars? The point is to reduce your carbon emissions, not increase them. Any bit helps and the sooner that everyone clues into this fact, the better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 3:54pm

"What is everyone else doing for their teens?"

"but I don't think that I would purchase or let my child purchase their own car if the hadn't matured enough to care for something and be responsible for it and with it.....no matter who purchased it :)"

I don't think anyone here would actually purchase a vehicle for their child, if they felt their child would be so irresponsible as to knowingly cause problems. I mean, really, I am like a lot of parents who have to weigh my choices carefully, regardless of what others may think.

I don't think the original poster said anything about her child not being mature enough to handle the responsibility. Sounds to me like the child was unmotivated to assist in the purchase of a vehicle, and wanted the same deal of a vehicle given to him, as his older siblings got. A PP brought up the valid concern that many parents have regarding concerns for their children. Those were valid concerns when I was a kid, in the dark ages, and will be concerns for my kids when they're raising my grandkids, I'm sure.

Sallie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 4:00pm

<<<>>

I figure if my son and 3 friends drive 10 miles for something they want to do all in his car or one of theirs, that is less emissions than if all 4 parents drove each of the teens.... Just because they have a car doesn't mean it is more driving than it would be otherwise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 6:38pm
Maybe I'm the odd one here.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to get a cheap reliable car for a 16 year old IF he/she needs one, and IF they are responsible behind the wheel. My DD works 2 part time jobs in the summer, and one during the school year. Her sport requires a 3:00 practice at a different school every day. In her spare time she dates her BF and sees her friends.
I simply don't have the time to drive her to team practice, work, various friends houses, the movie theatre, dates, etc...
Even working two jobs there is no realistic way she can afford a car payment, gas, insurance and repairs. She puts a healthy chunk of her pay into a college fund which I match. That seems to be more meaningful to her than asking her to "chip in" for vehicle expenses. I see a car as simply a necessary tool, not an extravagant privilege. That said, DD knows if she ever abuses that trust behind the wheel it's all over and very, very inconvenient for her. Dad will not be the replacement chauffeur if she screws up.
Curmudgeonly signed..
daddio
Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 7:51pm

I give....you win LOL We are now going round and round saying exactly what eachother is saying...you get the last word ;)

Julie

Avatar for soccermom03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:46pm

Both of our kids, DS18 and DD15, have savings accounts that we started for them when they were just babies. Since DH's family all live out of town they always sent checks for birthdays, Christmas, etc. (MIL and FIL also sent a small gift or two to open) When they were little we always put the checks straight into their savings, thinking someday they would use the money for something big- a trip after graduation, toward a car, college expenses, etc. As they have gotten older, we insist that they put a portion into savings, but the money is theirs to do with as they see fit. There have been a couple times they've withdrawn from their accounts for something, but they have always discussed it with us first.

When DS turned 16 he got a great parttime job on a local college campus, subbing for workstudy students during finals weeks and over school breaks, including summer. He makes great money there and puts most of it into savings. When he got his driver's license he was able to find a great deal on a used VW Jetta and bought it with his savings. He contributes modestly to the car insurance and we help some with gas since it is so high right now. We also help with maintenance- though this little car has been great and needed very little done. He adores this car and is proud that he was able to buy it on his own.

DD will also buy her own car and is already talking about it. This is her last summer to not work, and she plans to try to get on at the college like her brother (DH works there, and 90% of the high school workers like DS are children/grandchildren of staff there) and save more toward her car when she is 16.

DH bought his own car as a teen, and had a savings like our kids. I also bought my own car. I had a job within walking distance of home and worked there long enough to save $500 for a down payment. My dad cosigned a loan for me and I got a better job across town and was able to make my car payments and pay it off in a year. Of course this was back in the stone age (1980), and my first car was a bright yellow 1975 Honda Civic, and was $1500. My car payments were $89/month, lol. I paid for my own gas but my folks paid the insurance as long as I kept my good student rating and had no tickets or accidents. I guess it just really never even a consideration between DH and I to ever just buy either of the kids a car.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 3:02pm
I would make sure he has a job before he gets a car. That would be the very minimum. We helped both our daughters with the purchase of a car and are paying their insurance. What with minimum wage, it's hard to expect any more of them. They pay for gas, upkeep, and pay for their social activities, i.e. movies, cd's, food, etc. As long as they're working to help out, that's all we ask. If they don't have gas money, the car sits in the garage (which hasn't happened yet). It seems to be fair for all of us. We no longer have to shuffle them to/from work, activities, etc. and they get a chance to be responsible and have some freedom.