16 yr old and buying a car HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
16 yr old and buying a car HELP!!
27
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 8:43pm
I am new to this board, but I need some advice! I am a mother of 3 and a step mom to 3. 4 of the 6 are teenagers...ages 19, 18, 16, and 16. My question is on the subjects of cars. My husband and I agreed that the kids should pay 1/2 of their car and we would pay 1/2. That was when his kids lived with their mom and my son lived with us. However, when the oldest came to live with us when he was 17 my husband felt like since he wasn't encouraged to get a job and have good grades when he was with his mom that we would give him a modest car and he could make payments as long as he tried in school and had a job ect. He ended up getting fired from his job and we parked the car. Long story short he ended up getting the car once he was out on his own due to family pressure(my mother-in-law). So, the dangling of a car did nothing to instill pride or make him have any ambition. Now, my 16 year old wants the same deal. We've always told him we would match him. My husbands other 2 kids were given cars by their mothers, not us. My son currently has no job and isn't really all that big into work either. So, if we did buy a car and had to put him on our insurance we would be paying that no matter what if he didn't get a job and keep it. Are we being fair? What is everyone else doing for their teens? I want him to have a car and be independent but he sort of wants dessert before dinner. He has no money saved up because he decided he wanted a pool membership for the summer. He is not a bad kid at all, he isn't into drugs or drinking and usually runs with a good group of kids. Any advice???

Pages

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 5:37pm

I don't know that I can offer any advice to you in your situation...every one's is soooo different.

Both of my boys got a pick-up when they turned 16. Ds#1's pick up was one that his dad picked up for a song because it was wrecked and needed some major repairs. He and ds worked together on it for a year or so to get it running before ds turned 16. Ds#2 got his step-mom's old pickup. When they bought her a new one, they saved the old one for him. But, we did "give" the vehicles to the boys. During the summer, they are expected to work and pay for gas and repairs (depending on what they are. If the transmission goes out, we don't expect them to pay for that). We parents pay their insurance and also gas during the school year. Because of where we live and the price of gas now, I honestly don't expect ds#2 to be able to make enough at a part time job during the school year to pay for the gas to get there and back. He will be restricted to how much driving he can do during the school year by how much gas money I give him a week. :)

It just depends on each person's own unique situation whether or not to give a kid a car, or expect them to help pay for it, or for them to buy it outright. There is no right or wrong answer. Plus, with a step-family, things get even more muggled. I personally would want to keep things as even as possible between all the kids, but I am not you nor am I in your situation, so I hesitate to even say that much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 7:22pm

Hi there,
As the mother of two teenage sons, I can understand the quandary you find yourself in. Some ground rules must be stuck to even when they don't seem fair. If you had already set these conditions for your family, try to explain the differences in the way a family deals with their children. Explain without making your hubby look like a bad guy, but also explain the value earning your own money. Tell them you will stick by the previous ground rules and make sure they bank the money needed for the car. Of course, you would check into the person they may be buying from if they aren't buying from a used car dealership. Consistency with your rules cannot be abandoned because of what has been done for your hubby's kids.

Just my opinion.

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 12:05pm

I am late chiming in here. I never intended to buy my DD a car, basically because I didn't have the extra money and I thought she really didn't need it because the school bus stop is about 2 houses down. She lucked out because when she turned 17 my mother gave her a 10 yr old car that only had 40,000 miles on it and was in great shape. My mother even got new tires and had everything checked first. My DD pays for her own gas & insurance, which we told her she would have to do if she wanted the car. Ins. here is pretty expensive, $1600 per year for a new driver.

The thing is that it has turned out great for me that she has her own car. First, she was on the track team, which meant practice every day after school. When she was younger, we did a car pool, but when it was my turn to drive, I would have to leave work early since I work at least 1/2 hr away. Both of the jobs she got were very close to home, so that really wasn't an issue. I didn't mind picking her up when it only took 5 mins. to get there. But she is also very social--she hates to stay home even for one night. Of course, she takes turns w/ her friends doing the driving, but now she can come & go as she pleases.

DH was very funny about letting her use the car. He seemed very reluctant, even though it was my car that she was borrowing. And since she worked a lot on the weekend, maybe she would borrow it one night of the two, and then use it to go to church youth group on Sunday nights and maybe to go to a basketball game at school during the week. Now that his DD has her license, he lets her use his car all the time. I have to say that I am really resentful of the double standard. He basically lets his DD take his car all during the weekend. She got a job babysitting for her aunt during the week. I probably would have said no to that, if anyone asked me, cause her aunt lives about 45 mins. away. So she drives her dad to school at 6:00 a.m., goes to her aunt's, then picks him up from work later. So she is using a ton of gas and I don't know if she is even paying for it. She could easily have gotten a job close to home cause i see signs everywhere. I think DH is over-compensating because DSD doesn't have her own car.

I see a dilemma here for the OP where the family set out rules for everyone where the kids were supposed to pay 1/2 for their own car and it ended up that none of the 1st 3 kids did that, so now it's hard to treat the youngest differently. However, I think that he still should contribute some money toward gas or insurance, so the parents, if they have the money, could say that they would buy him a car but not until AFTER he has a job and has saved up a certain amt. of money to show he is responsible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 12:41pm

Here its a bit of a catch 22 because DH and I both work and there is no public transportation. The car had to be purchased first and both boys so far did indeed find jobs to pay half

Well, sort of. DS1 paid a chink of every paycheck-faithfully and responsibly

DS2 was always blowing his money before he paid us. He is actually paying us THIS summer, at 19, but he has a sizable chunk left and I have always felt the setup was somewhat unfair between the 2 boys. Yet, to take the car meant him stopping work at which point he would never pay off the car. Frustrating!!! But it looks like a welcome burst of maturity is taking care of the situation

I do believe in them paying for half but I think you might have to adjust for individual circumstances. Jobs for teens here are hard to come by. Signs in the windows can be misleading. My kids walked out of about half those buildings because they werent 18(video stores, Target, Walmart all need help but wont hire under 18)

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 12:08am

I have wondered why no one has a clue that there are many of us who live in small rurual communities.

Photobucket
Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 7:51am

BRAVO Cheryl!!! I was going to respond to this and then thought no....but I had exactly the same thought....if we don't get cars for our children, or let them drive, my use of my car stays at least doubled from driving them to an activity, driving home, driving back to pick them up and driving home again....instead of them driving to the activity and home. We do not live in a rural area, but also our children would have no public transportation for after school activities. We also live 7 miles from school.

just a side note....I wonder if iteadrinker lives in the U.S. Just a possible observation.

Julie

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 8:31am

Julie, I read here all the time, but don't often take my hat off to post...

Photobucket

Pages