16 yr old girl in an online relationship with a 34 yr old

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
16 yr old girl in an online relationship with a 34 yr old
8
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 5:59pm

I am friends on facebook with my grandmother's adopted daughter, S-----. She is 16 and developmentally disabled. She has a dificult time distinguishing between fantasy and reality. She lives in TX and I live in WA.

A few weeks ago I started noticing comments on her profile and her photos fron a new guy, K----. In one comment he called her his woman. At first I didn't think much of it, because she has had online relationships with boys her age in the past. Then I went to his profile. He is 34. He lives in PA, thank god for that at least, but still. I emailed him through facebook and asked him what he was doing talking to a 16 yr old like that. He responded and said that she told him she was 29. You'd have to be a moron to believe that because she looks 13 still, and has recent photos of herself at high school events. It became clear to me that this guy is not playing with a full deck either. He asked me if I was going to stop her from being with him, and I told him I'd get the rest of the family and the police involved if I had to. He said he'd leave her alone.

I called my mom in Alaska that night to let her know about all of it. She talked to her mom's husband about it. They are both in their 80's and her mom is completely senile. Her husband said "well, S----- said that you're never supposed to give your real age out on facebook..." and basically did nothing. Then yesterday I got an email from S----- wanting to know if I had told K---- not to talk to her or I'd call the police. She told me to leave him alone, that he is 19 and her boyfriend (I've seen this guy's pictures. There's no way he's 19, and that goes against the story he gave me anyway). I looked at her profile today and they are now listed as "engaged."

I really don't know where to go from here. My mom is concerned but she doesnt use facebook and she lives even farther away than I do. We have no other family in TX. I'm not really close to S-----, and I'm afraid anything I say to her is just going to make her more determined to do what she wants to. Should I go to the police? If I did, which city/state would have jurisdiction?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think I'd call the police in S's hometown--I'm sure every police dept. has a cybercrimes unit and somehow they can figure out if this guy is trying to lure a minor for immoral purposes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
She literally is senile. She can't remember what happened five minutes ago. My mom said it would be pointless to even talk to her, and I agree. I also told my mom that I don't think she should be living with them. There's no one else around to keep an eye on her, and her dad has just checked out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
I will call the police there, but I'm not feeling optimistic about it. She lives in a town with a population of just under 4000. I don't know which school she goes to, though I might be able to figure it out. I'm not sure if SS would be able to do anything either. She is well taken care of physically. The house is nice and clean. There is plenty of food. I went there last Oct with the rest of my family. She's a really happy kid, but she's so naive about the world. It's worth it to try. I have to do what I can.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

I totally agree with Music.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

You should have no trouble figuring out the school in a town that size. Mine is slightly larger than that and we have one elementary school. We share a middle and high school with another small town, which has one elementary school. It's probably similar in her area, so if you know the girl's age and what town she's in, you can find out

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
I'm starting to think that contacting her school and/or social services might be the better strategy. Perhaps it is unfair, but I keep picturing Andy Griffith and Don Knotts. lol But both her school and SS would be obligated to notify the police anyway, and they would be better equipped to do so in a way that would be helpful.

That said, I want this guy to be held accountable as well. He KNOWS how old she is and he has no excuse to still be in a "relationship" with her. If he's being inappropriate with her then he's going to do it with someone else. You have to confirm your relationship with someone on FB for it to show up that way, so that is proof that he's still carrying on with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

I live in a community of slightly under 3,000 people and we have one elementary, one middle and one high school, so with a little online searching it shouldn't be too hard to figure out where she goes to school.