16 yr old sister & online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
16 yr old sister & online dating
11
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 10:40pm
Hi y'all :)

I'm a little new to this board, I usually hang around the baby boards ( I have a baby and toddler girls) But for the summer I have been hosting my 16 year old sister. Boy, it's been interesting. I'm 27 now, and I'm having a harder time than I thought I would, relating to a teenager-- I feel old lol.

Just a bit of background info she's the baby of the family 10 years younger than I. Shes kinda shy, been raised very sheltered by my parents, but also spoiled rotten (however she disagrees [of course]) she's attended prep school till she decided she wanted to attend a public high school freshmen year, things were fine till her sophomore year-- her best friend broke up with her, her grades started slipping, she admitted to some destructive behavior (cutting) Etc. She went to counseling and decided to end after a few months. Overall she has a privileged life-- she may disagree but shes 16 :)

From my perspective, I'm a momm to 2 under 2. I can hardly remember the date regardless of what it was like to be 16, I know things have changed BUT!! I think a 16 year old on a dating website is kinda strange?!? She has an iPod, iPad & iPhone that she spends hours upon hours on texting away, but I know for a fact she doesn't have any friends right now. Her BFF broke up with her and she spent the past 6 months holed up in her room. ( I just lived at my parents while in the process of relocating & buying a house) And, my dad had a 1000 dollar phone bill because she was calling people in other countries! So anyway, she took a shower I snooper on her iPad, found messages from a dating site .. I found her profile, It toally creeped me out. It was kosher, but still why does she not want real (offline) relationships? I don't think this is normal. I have said little hints to my parents and they dont believe their little girl would be talking to people she doesn't know online. I feel like this is scripted out of a dateline. My parents are in denial & out of touch with her generations obsession with social websites, she is going to go missing and my parens will be doing some PSA about monitoring your kids online activities!

When I have asked her about the phone bill, she lies. The texting she says it's her friend etc.. I haven't asked about the dating site yet since I snooped. But what am I suppose to do? Do a lot of teens date online? Am I out of the loop? Is here something wrong with her, that she would rather sit in her room all day and text People she meets online? It scares me! She says shes not dumb about "things" but geeesh I was dumb at 16.. She even went out and bought a pre paid phone so she could call these people with out my Parents knowing..

Any adivice would be awesome!

Thank you!

Shannon

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 11:57pm
omg - you are a great sister and to be admired for your concern considering how busy you must be. Online dating is popular these days for single adults but absolutely NOT for teens. This is SO SO dangerous and your parents must become aware whats going on, even if you become the bad guy to her for a bit. Perhaps you can help educate your parents on how dangerous this is. Just have them watch the Predators show with John Hansen I think is his name, theres re-runs all the time on cnbc i think. Do whatever yu can do to stop this, but it will need your parents cooperation and improvements in supervision as she is not likely to listen to your concerns.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 12:50am

I have a 27 yo dd, whose bf''s 14 & 18yo brothers spend a lot of time at their house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 3:05am
Wow Sabrtooth I don't even get where you're coming from.. Hmm.. Thanks for all that energy you spent typing that verbal garbage!

Shannon

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 7:37am

Here's the thing about being the parent of a teen vs. the worried big sister of a teen.... as a parent we got to grow into that responsibility of trying to keep them safe.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 10:37am

It's hard to tell what your parents know and don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 11:36am

I think that I misrepresented myself when I described a little about my sisters upbringing or my parents parenting. I was just mentioning her "privileged life" because she seems to mention so often how horrible her life is at home. I remember feeling that way when I was 16, I thought my parents were the worst parents ever. It wasn't until much later that I realized that my parents were trying to protect, nurture, guide me etc.

Shannon

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 12:14pm

Are you saying that your sis is actually on "dating" sites like match.com or EHarmony?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 12:51pm

There are a LOT of online "dating" sites for teens.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 12:57pm
<<>> *I* think that parents, teachers, psychiatrists, doctors, dentists, AND dental hygienists everywhere would disagree. I can only hope that by the time YOU are the parent of a 16yo, you have figured out how to understand them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 3:00pm
Oh Sabrtooth, I thought you would understand that first time that I am disinterested in your opinions. Thanks!

Shannon

 

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