17 yr old depressed daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2012
17 yr old depressed daughter
34
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 2:02pm

Hi all, I'm new here. Just found this site today actually. I'm 42 and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 2:39pm

My dd#1 is also 17.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 2:47pm

Hi and welcome to the board. My almost 25 year old ds struggled for a few years with an eating disorder, which is also an emotional disorder. He had to leave college twice due to it, the second time because he had hit bottom and was severely depressed. That was almost 4 1/2 years ago and he's now in his first year of med school. I just want you to know that with the right meds and with counseling it can get better. As far as your feelings - I understand that, too. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty, wondering what I could have done differently to prevent all that from happening. But it's not your fault. We all do the best we can as parents and none of us are perfect. One thing that helped me a lot was that they had a weekly support group for the families of the people in treatment for eating disorders. It helped me see that our wasn't the only one going through this.You might ask your dd's therapist if there's any type of support group in your area for families of those suffering from depression. Many gentle hugs to you and please keep us posted.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2012
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 3:46pm

Thank you for the responses. My rational side of my brain and my emotional side just seem to battle it out a lot over this. I know that it isn't all my fault and that time should improve things, but I guess I'm getting impatient in my old age. I appreciate the feedback.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 5:06pm

I can totally relate to the guilt, irrational though it may be. My daughter was diagnosed with depression last year (and my son was already on meds for depression and anxiety), so I felt like the world's crappiest mother. And I so remember wondering why my friends' kids seemed to have it all together, but EKmama is right--you really don't know what they have to fake and suffer through just to keep going. As it turns out, some of the kids I thought were fine had eating disorders, divorcing parents, and one was actually shipped off to boarding school because of her drug and alcohol problems. I think most families believe they are suffering alone, but it just isn't true. You probably look like a fantastic, together person to the people around you, and some of them may be wondering how you manage it. I sometimes think the world would be better off if we all lived honestly and fell apart when we needed to.

My daughter is still on meds but is doing so well at her new school--we pulled her out of her high pressure public school and sent her, by her choice, to a small private school--that no one there could even guess what a mess she was last year. The one good thing about having gone through this is that she is now very aware of things that can trigger depression in her (too much structure, not enough down time)

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 7:43pm

My daughters are 28 & 30, and they also had bouts of depression--as co-morbids disorders of ADD/ODD/OCD/ and LD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2012
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 11:17am

Thank you all very much for sharing your personal experiences. It helps to hear about positive outcomes from others. I agree, I think I need counseling as well, but I'm having to leave work early already once a week for my dd's appt so for now I'm going to have to try and deal with my own issues on my own. I know it's not the optimal solution but for now it's the best I can do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 11:19am

The thing that struck me from your post is when you said "no matter what i do, I can't make her happy."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2012
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 11:33am
Thanks very much musiclover, that makes total sense and I can understand that. Again it's my irrational guilt coming thru at times. Thank you for the info on the other board here, I will definitely check it out.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 1:01pm

You should ask your dd's therapist if you could sit in for half of her sessions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Fri, 04-06-2012 - 1:43pm

{{hugs}} The headline caught my eye.

I think NAMI is an excellent resource for people who have a family member with a psych. diagnosis.

HTH

http://www.nami.org/

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