17 yr old son is destroying our family

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
17 yr old son is destroying our family
8
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 8:12pm

My 17 year old son is tearing our family apart. He is using drugs ie steroids, marajuana, and I don't know what else. He goes to a therapist twice a month for this. I just found out that he has now brought drugs into my house and took pictures of it on his friends phone. He blew up when I searched his room and took a sword and stabbed his bed multiple times. He needs more help than the counslor that he is lying to. My son told me 2 days ago that he enjoys doing drugs, and doesnt want to stop. My husband feels I'm overreacting because my brother is a recovering addict. I think my husband is living in denial by saying this will pass if he just keeps supporting him, and doesn't pass some sort of punishment or consequences for our sons actions.. My husband and I barely talk because we are at such opposite ends of this, and our 2 younger sons feel the tension. Our family is in crisis and I hope we make it. It doesnt feel like we will last if things dont change soon.

Any thoughts would be appreciated

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 9:08pm

Hi, you are having to deal with a difficult situation here. I suggest you also drop in on the Terrible Teen site as many of the people there are likely to be able to help you as they have BTDT - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-pstroubled&nav=start

You all need family counseling not just your DS. This is a tough time and can tear a family apart. Your younger children need to be included in this counseling. Also, your DH may be right that you have some baggage left from your brother's situation. I know that when my DS started drinking and doing drugs, I went a little crazy as my Mom was an alcoholic when I was a teen. She had been sober for 15 yrs and I blamed her alot my DS's problem. He had never even seen her drink. I learned through counseling that part of me was still that teen that lived through the problems with my Mom's drinking. I had to deal with this finally while dealing with DS's problem.

I'm sorry but this statement makes me believe you really need counseling. Just reading it scares me. This is violent behaviour. Why did you feel the need to stab/destroy something? I have certainly thrown out drugs and the junk that comes with them and understand being angry but stabbing something sounds like you lost control.

My prayers are with you & your family. Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 9:55pm

The son took the sword and killed and stabbed the bed, not the mom. Geez, read the whole statement!

Yes, I agree that the whole family needs counseling and he (the son) needs to be interbentioned and put into a drug rehab pronto. It costs money but so does a funeral when he OD's and you have to bury him....

Good luck!!!

LARK

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 10:05pm

I agree with the whole idea of whole family counseling... the younger kids most likely have a lot of feelings that they need to work through with this whole situation too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 7:06am

hi


I am so sorry to hear this. i agree with the other posters - this IS a big problema nd your son needs alot of help.


and of course, your entire family needs help to deal with this. its great that he is in therapy - but just seeing a therapist on a twice a month is not enuf for what he needs. i understand that your husband doesn't agree - but then you and he need to see a family therapist to deal with how you are going to deal with your son.


my prayers are with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 1:01pm

First of all - hugs to you. I am married to an alcoholic (sober 6 years now) and I do tend to overreact about drinking so I understand what DH is saying but I also agree with you - drugs are addictive and he is a very formative age. This could either way if left unattended but why take that chance?

I suggest that you and DH also go to counseling. Perhaps to someone in the same group with DS's but not DS's as this could be a conflict of interest for the counselor. If DH won't go, then I strongly suggest you go alone. When DD was going through a rebellious phase, I went to an adolescent counselor so that I could understand why she was behaving like she was and how to best help her. She refused to go so I sort of went in her place. It helped us tremendously. However, DH was fully in agreement with me. In your case, you and DH may need an outside party to help the two of you reach an agreement.

Good Luck and I hope things get better soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 1:10pm

What is your DHs history?

If he used drugs in a recreational sense(or what he perceives as recreational)he will be less on board with you for this issue

Not excusing it, but acknowledging that difference might be a step in teh right direction

"I know you did X and Y and turned out all right but pot today is much stronger or I worry when he drives or................"

It might help!

And why steroids? Is he in athletics? Is this something dad has to support because he has athletic dreams for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 5:53pm
I did not stab my sons bed. He stabbed it in anger because I searched his room. I'm sorry if I typed it wrong. Last nite was very hard.
Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 9:46am
I'm sorry that I did not understand the wording in your post. These events are very difficult to deal with and you can't do it alone. Believe me, I understand as I have btdt only I didn't have to deal with any violence from my DS. That must have scared you a lot, I'm so sorry. Dee