18 - and out of the house
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| Tue, 02-28-2006 - 1:38pm |
My 18 year old daughter could not abide by the house rules and decided that she would prefer to leave home. She has been gone 3 weeks and 2 days and has a 4 month lease on an apartment close by - but I don't know where. She is very angry at her father and I and has not tried to contact us to talk about herself or the situation. My mother is in contact with her and my husband is very upset that she might decide to support her financially.
My husband and I worry a lot about her. We talk about her everyday - but know that we need to wait for her to contact us. I did call her on Valentine's Day to let her know that she had mail here. I had hoped she would stop by to pick it up but she hasn't.
She has not finished HS yet - only has 2 months to go - but will probably not make it (it is ashame because she could have graduated with honors). Her part time job will not be enough to cover her expenses. And she is very distracted trying to save her cocaine-addicted girlfriend.
I am not sleeping well and have a difficult time getting through the day. I have health problems that preclude this situation and am trying not to let this get me down - but it's very hard not to. I guess "typing" about it may help - but I am worried that I may be headed into a depression that I cannot afford. We have 2 younger sons - 8 and 5. I work full time and am the PTA president of my sons' school.
My biggest worry is what to say to my daughter if and when she calls. She has given us both such a terrible time in the last 6 years. Her jealousy of her brothers is most of the problem. She doesn't feel she is part of the family - although we have tried in so many different ways to show her that that is far from what we want. It seems that it is what she wants though - and it breaks my heart.
If there is anyone out there who can relate to this situation or has some advice that can help to console my heart - I would be grateful. I need strength.
Thank for for "listening".

You don't say what kind of problems your dd has given you over the past 6 years. Has she stolen from you, is she involved in drugs, is she violent?
If she hasn't done any of these things and she isn't a danger around your two young children, when she calls I would tell her how much you miss her, how the family is not the same without her. But if the issue is one of whether she can live with your house rules or not, don't bend on that issue.
I feel very badly for you. I know it would be my own worst nightmare for my dd to grow up, move out, and not want to have anything to do with us anymore. But everyone has their own path. Have faith that hers will eventually lead her back to her family's loving arms.