18 Year Old Daughter in College...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
18 Year Old Daughter in College...
33
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 3:29pm

Hello,


I have a problem that I'd like some guidance with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 3:33pm
Hi and welcome to the board. I invite you to also post on our Parents of College Kids board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/main.asp?webtag=iv-psppcollege&nav=start. Lots of people have experience with their kids heading off to college 'attached at the hip'. If she doesn't have unlimited texting and is costing you extra money then I think you have every right to insist that she reimburse you for any cost over x amount of texts!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 3:42pm
Thank you for the inform.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 3:44pm

I think you need to give this some time--she just started college, she probably is homesick & hasn't made new friends yet (unless there are other people from her h.s. going there). I think it's natural that she would reach out to the just-ex BF. I also think that after a few weeks of getting into her classes and making new friends and having fun, she will probably less attached to him & maybe she'll make a new BF too. Not to mention that maybe she "broke up" w/ him (or said she did) just to get you & dad off her back! And honestly I just can't imagine checking my 18 yr old DD's texts (well now she's 21 but you know what I mean). I don't even check my just turning 15 yr old's texts and I wouldn't do it unless there was some problem, like he was using his phone after midnight (like my DSD used to do). I assume that you're just looking at the phone number and not reading the messages so you don't even know what they are saying. It could be something like this:

DD: Hi
BF: Hi
DD: I met my roommate
BF: Is she nice?
DD: She's ok

OK, this dumb conversation just took up 5 TMs--so they could have sent/received 45 TMs just to basically say nothing. I figure if my DD could have 2000 TMs a month, every one of them can't be important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 4:01pm

No, of course I didn't read what they texted to each other...only the usage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 4:19pm
So you would rather send 45 text messages over 5 hours(which to me isn't unreasonable) to people you don't know rather than someone that she dated for 14 months and just recently broke up with? That makes no sense to me. People can break up and still be friends. What happens when random phone numbers start popping up on your bill? Are you going to question her about every number that appears, or are you going to let grow up and make her own decisions.
Parental texts are never as important as friend texts no matter what the age, and about her not texting her younger sibling I wouldn't think they have a lot in common to be chatting back and forth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 4:21pm

I really hope your daughter doesn't TEXT while she is driving.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 4:24pm

I'm probably going to be in the same situation - ds18 is now 'away' at school (7 miles from home), his gf will be 300 miles away in less than a month, at her U.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 8:13pm
Congrats to your DD on getting the track scholarship. I would say that w/ the amt. of practice they have/meets/doing HW she will have less & less time to deal w/ the BF.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 9:25pm

I was going to essentially write these exact sentiments (though probably a little less bluntly LOL) when I finished reading this thread. There is NO ex- about this IMO. However, if mom and dad leave it alone, give her some time to get to know and get close to people at college, he probably will be before Thanksgiving break. If, however, mom and dad block him, shut down her tms, or take away her phone, she could very easily find some way to get in touch with him if she really wanted to, probably by borrowing the phone of one of her friends who has unlimited tming.

Yes, the b/f may be "smothering" - but she's got to be getting something out of it too, or she'd be gone by now. My DS had a "smothering" g/f too... only it turns out that HER parents thought HE was the one doing the "smothering." It goes both ways... for all you know, *his* parents are saying "why can't she just leave him alone and let him move on with his life??" Afterall, she IS replying to his tms, and for all you know, she's initiated a few of them herself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 5:51am
congrats on the scholarship.
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