I have a 19 year old son at home.
I think your DH has focused on this one thing because he is probably sick of your Ds being a slob and now he's going overboard.
When we are frustrated with a situation as a whole, it's natural to hyper-focus on one issue that may seem minor to others. I did the same thing when my adult brother was living with us. I knew he was in a bad place. I knew he needed help but I also knew he was wallowing in self-pity and not pushing himself to be independant again like he should.
Your problem is not your son, it is your husband.
Well our DDs, and SILs who live with us, are so perfect that I just can’t understand things like this. LOL I could burn in hell for a lie like that. LOL
I have always thought that blending two families well is no less difficult than landing men on the moon. I don’t think our situation of having SILs live with us counts as a blended family situation, so I’m not really qualified on the subject.
I can see that this is driving you, DH, and sonny batty, but on a scale of 1 to 100, I think it ranks below # 9,931.