About to snap over teen looks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
About to snap over teen looks...
13
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 11:14am
Is it wrong to want to tell the honest, unvarnished truth about your teen's looks? I have a beautiful teenage girl who for some reason thinks that she needs to dye her hair white blond, iron it and crimp it every day to within an inch of it's life. I finally took her to a salon for a proper color and even they warned her that she was destroying her hair. It is starting to break off in chunks so her solution is to plaster those pieces down with styling gel. Her hair is a major fright. ( think CARROT-TOP the comedien, only blond.) I have made little comments but I am about to blow my top and tell her that she looks like the strawman from Wizard of Oz. My solution so far to keep from doing that is to avoid looking at her at all because the sight just makes my blood boil. I am literaaly embarrassed to be seen with her. She is a stunning girl with a beautiful figure and I don't get why she is doing this. She says it's because her hair is too flat and thin. My comment was that flat and thin won't be a problem when it ALL FALLS OUT!!!!! She doesn't care. She is now looking for work and her interviews go well but they never call her back. I think it is the hair. She wants to work in the service industry ( receptionist, or restaurant worker) and I don't think I would want my first impression of a business to be a nest head. I feel like crying. Would it be wrong of me to tell her that I wouldn't hire her either if she was going to be a person's first impression of my business?

Laurie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 1:36pm
No, it wouldn't be wrong. You'd just be letting her know what the consequences could be and if she fails to take your advice (which we all know our kids ignore because they know it all), then she learns the hard way.

Upside of this all, is some day in the near future, they will be in our position and we can cackle with glee when they say, "I just don't know what is wrong with him/her. . they just don't care anything about how they look!"

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 2:39pm
This isn't really an answer to your question on whether or not you should be totally honest about how her hair looks, but rather something I stumbled upon when my ds dyed his hair white. I absolutely hated it, but said nothing because I felt it was "his" hair. But it was awful!! We were at a family gathering during this period and we took lots of photos of everyone. Later, when we got the photos back, my ds saw his pics. He didn't say much about it, but he let his hair grow out to it's natural color and hasn't done that again. For whatever reason, it seems like pictures have a way of showing you what you really look like, more so than a mirror. (I know I look waaaay fatter in a pic than I do in my mirror!!) You might find a way to take her pic and then let her see for herself what she looks like. It might surprise her! But, for heavens' sake, don't let her know WHY you are doing it!! LOL

Just an idea...

Mitzi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 3:05pm
I did the same thing to my hair as a teen, I would dye it red and later in college, blondish/orange, black, light red, dark red. It was awful. It wasn't until I dyed it black and then my Mom told me I had to dye it a normal color to see my grandmother that I realized what I had done to my hair. It took two bottles of bleach from a beauty supply store to take out the black and a box of hair dye to turn it back to a normal color. My hair was dry and brittle and nasty. My Mom warned me, but of course I didn't listen.

My advice to you is to say something to your daughter, she will probably ignore you, but say something anyway. Tell her that she probably isn't getting hired because of her hair. I'm an HRTM major, which is Hotel, Restauratn, Tourism Management. Professional appearance plays a very important role in our work, if we are professional looking and we are professional in what we do, then the customer knows that we are going to give them courteous and professional service. Maybe if you could have an adult that she looks up to kindly tell her that she needs to stop doing this to her, then maybe she'll stop. If you want you can print this out and show it to her.

Good luck!

Court


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 11:55pm
Hi! When I was in fourth grade big, curly bangs were in style. I would stand in front of the mirror for ages and style and fry my hair. I also used a lot of products. I thought that I looked cool. My mom never really said anything about the style, which made me feel like I could make my own decisions. I think that all girls go through hair stages and it sounds like your daughter is in one of those stages. She needs to experience it and learn from her mistakes. Now that I look back at my pictures I am embarrassed, but it was my decision. However, I do suggest limiting the amount of dye that she puts in her hair. You could tell her to picture herself on her wedding day without any hair. I don't have any super suggestions, so good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 5:49am
Hmmm. She doesn't have job.

I wasn't aware of any stores *giving* away hair care products.

Firefly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 11:06am
She does babysit and highlighting kits are only $2.99 here. The only thing I paid for was the color correction and conditioning and I was hoping that my hairdresser would have more influence in telling her what she was doing to her hair. She has stopped highlighting it but its the crimping and ironing that has me upset and that doesn't cost anything.It is literally breaking off in places and sticking out.

Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 11:44am
My 16 yo wanted an iron for her hair last hair for Christmas (the 2001 season, but we don't really do Christmas - it's complicated - but close enough). I told her "no" because I was worried about her damaging her hair. I put her off for nearly a year and then got her one for 2002, but I got a ceramic faced, professional model that doesn't so easily burn hair and I explained very carefully what kind of damage she could do to herself.

So far, so good. No obvious damage, in fact, she's careful enough about keeping her hair conditioned well so that it *won't* get damaged that I think her hair is in *better* shape since she started ironing it.

The really, really funny thing is that she and her sister have very nearly identical hair except that hers is wavy and her sister's is straight. They get up an hour early each morning and wavy-hair straightens while straight-hair curls. It's a sight to see. I suggested once that they just shave it all off and pay a wig-maker to swap hair....

Firefly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 2:01pm
LOL! I wish I could of seen the looks on their faces when you said that ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 2:19pm
I *was* one of those "yeah-right-dad" moments.

Only a teen can say those words quite that way.

Firefly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-1999
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 8:59pm
I don't know if I have any advise for you - after all this is the Mother of the daughter with Purple hair. She is an artist 21yrs old and works in a large Grocery store in the Produce Dept- she has had Purple hair for 2 1/2 yrs- we have gotten so used to it - it's almost her "real" color.

I to warned her,asked her not too- she has lovely dark brown hair- and because it is so dark she has to lighten her hair before she dyes it Purple! The one thing my hair dresser did do when Erika went to get her hair cut the girl noticed her hair was dry & breaking, from the bleaching- so she recommended some conditioning treatments and gave her some hair-dye tips - This did help at least restore her hair somewhat and she is more careful in her dying now

I think it is rather silly ( no dis-respect) to get all worked up over hair- all of us have gone thru hair "stages" when I was a kid the highly teased/sprayed (think 60's) was "in" I must have depleted the ozone layer myself with the hair-spray I used, my mother most likely bit her lip - but said nothing - after a while I got tired of the spraying and the teasing- and went on to something easier.

I liked the idea of getting a good crimper/iron for her and maybe asking the hairdresser to show her how to use them in the most flattering manner.

I beleive there are more important things to get worked up over than to ride a teenage girl over her hair.

Kathy

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