Accidentally catching son masturbating
Find a Conversation
Accidentally catching son masturbating
| Wed, 03-21-2007 - 1:17pm |
Well what I kind if knew was inevitable happened last week. I went into my DS's room to get his laundry and when I opened the door, there he was, on his bed in all his glory, masturbating. I usually knock first but I was busy thinking about what I was going to make for dinner and didn't realize that I didn't knock. Anyway, there was not much he could do but turn beet red. I just said, sorry, and quickly left. I knew that he masturbated and truthfully I wasn't even embarrassed. I guess that I was more amused (I have always been amused that boys could never control that part of their bodies), than anything else, though I never let him know that.
Anyway, later when he came down for dinner, he couldn't look me in the eye. After about 5 minutes of silence, he apoligized and asked me if I was angry. My short answer was, no, but that we would talk about it after dinner. I also apologized to him for not knocking. To make a long story short, I told him that I wasn't angry, that it was normal, natural, all boys and most girls do it. I also told him that I knew he had been doing it for a while. When I told my best friend, with whom I have no secrets, about this, she told me that she has almost caught her son on several ocassions. He would quickly cover up and be sweating and red.
Have any of you ever caught or almost caught your son masturbating? My impression is that it's NOT that uncommon.
Anyway, later when he came down for dinner, he couldn't look me in the eye. After about 5 minutes of silence, he apoligized and asked me if I was angry. My short answer was, no, but that we would talk about it after dinner. I also apologized to him for not knocking. To make a long story short, I told him that I wasn't angry, that it was normal, natural, all boys and most girls do it. I also told him that I knew he had been doing it for a while. When I told my best friend, with whom I have no secrets, about this, she told me that she has almost caught her son on several ocassions. He would quickly cover up and be sweating and red.
Have any of you ever caught or almost caught your son masturbating? My impression is that it's NOT that uncommon.

Pages
Sorry Cat. Not sure what you mean my a "mom thing".
For me, the beauty of this board is we can post questions, problems, frustrations, joys and brags and get feedback and support.. all without identities.
We don't know if were talking to Joe Average, a well known name, or even a bored kid.
So when the OP describes her son discovering mister happy, and ask others if they've experienced the same, assuming she's not looking for a yes/no answer, I took this as trolling for sexual information. Not exactly unheard of on the internet, nor on this board. Perhaps I was wrong. Wouldn't be the first time I received a cyber slap upside the head.
But I'm not sure I follow your comparison to Pam's support for her child's medical condition, or Rose's support as her daughter makes important decisions regarding a boyfriend.
<<>>
Since you asked, it's a boundary issue. Myspace is not anonymous. The issue is learning boundaries, not announcing to the world that a married couple actually engaged in sex (gasp!).
Just my 2 cents. Hope you stick around. I enjoy your posts.
<<>>
Not the best wording on my part, for sure. But for myself, as a woman, I found it disturbing in my particular situation. Maybe a man wouldn't have.
<<<.. all without identities.>>>
Not everyone is without identities here, imo.
<<>>
Understood.
<<>>
As a teen boy, I would probably be upset at having that particular disorder put out on the net.. but Pam said he knew, and he was fine with it. So enough there. My bad.
As far as Rose, wasn't talking about her daughter.
I enjoy your posts, also.
zz
<>
That's exactly what I was getting at. Voyeurism was definitely a bad choice of words on my part, "boundary issue" is a much better choice. Thanks daddioe for reading my mind.
As far as my relationship with C, does she know what's been said here? I doubt that she knows I'm on this board, much less knows what I've posted. However, I still maintain that there is a difference between posting details of an intimate act vs. posting about stressors in a relationship. And everyone here posts about stressors in their relationships with their kids and their sig others - if it weren't for those stressors, there would be no need for a support board.
I tell you. iVillage is not the only female-oriented forum that I frequent, but I guess those other forums are full of more liberated/progressive-minded/less-prudish women than this one! I just sense a lot of angst in this thread over something that happens in most if not all households with children.
Face it, children and teens masturbate and their parents often accidentally stumble upon them. That is natural and innocent from both sides when it truly is an accident. What is often not so innocent is how parents respond. Do parents normally respond with shock, anger, embarrassment, or disappointment? I think so! Do those that do respond in such ways understand the harm they are causing their children? I think not.
Parents who do not want to cause their children harm want to know what to do/how to react. So it's only natural that they come to a forum like this one where they can openly pose such questions.
The following is a post by an actual female member of another forum I visit. She is from St. Louis, Missouri. I am sure many of you will be shocked out of your computer chairs. While I find this mother went too far in a way, her handling of the matter was far better than most that I've read about:
-------------------------------------
When I found my daughter at a very young age masturbating, I told her the same thing that I had told her older brother when I caught him masturbating--it's fine for her to enjoy her body, but it's something special just for her, that she should do it in private. Masturbation was treated like any other topic regarding sex in our household--matter of factly and with no shame. Both of my kids felt comfortable asking me just about anything regarding sex when they were growing up, especially as teenagers.
I remember once when my kids (my son was 15 and my daughter was 8 ) and I were staying overnight at my parents' house while they were away. We had gone into my parents' bedroom, where my daughter saw my father's vibrator that he had for use on his back. She turned it on and ran it up and down her body. When she happened to brush it against the area between her legs, she stated, "That feels good." Her brother was horrified. He exclaimed, "Don't do that!" I told her that she better put it back because it was Grandpa's and we didn't want anything to happen to it. However, I also told her brother, "Don't ever tell her something like that; don't ever make her think that there is anything wrong with her enjoying her body; girls have enough hangups about that thanks to society without getting that same message from her family."
When my daughter started her period the first time (age 11), I wanted to celebrate in some way that she had become "a woman." I knew she probably would be in for a lot of misery for a number of her menstruating years, because all of the women in my family, including myself, had horrible, horrible cramps each month, at least until we had children. Plus, it's a mess, a nuisance, and you now have the risk of getting pregnant. I tried to come up with some way to make it seem like a positive event in her life.
So...I gave her a pocket rocket vibrator, a book on masturbation, and a soft erotic porn book. I told her that I was not suggesting that masturbation was for adults only but that it was just a way to celebrate that now she was a "woman." I also told her that I gave those gifts to her because I wanted her to know that I would rather that she take care of that natural desire by masturbating than by feeling that she had to get that satisfaction from someone else because it is just so dangerous out there as far as getting diseases or being used is concerned.
For many years I received sex toy catalogs from various companies, such as Good Vibrations. My daughter as a teenager would often ask if she could look at it, and I let her know that if she wanted me to order her anything from them since she couldn't order anything herself since she was a minor, she could just let me know. She took me up on that a few times.
-------------------------------------
I am purposefully not mentioning the poster nor forum name in fear that at least one of you will harass her.
<<>>
Really? I don't. I'd be surprised if anyone here did either.
You have missed the point entirely.
Yea - I was pretty confused, too.
I simply tried to get the thread back to the original question/original issue at hand by using a particularly progressive post from another forum.
I don't understand all the dislike of the original poster and what she had to say. There seems to be a lot of blame going on instead of a discussion.
Okay. I just re-read all 30 posts.
I see now. Just because Debra posted a sexual topic as a new member with few posts, many of you here viewed her as a fraud.
And I wonder why I don't post here more often!
Pages