Adult men looking at teen girls
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| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 9:28am |
I was out with my 15 yr old niece the other day and I was a little disturbed by what I saw. Shes growing into an attractive young lady. A lot of teenage boys were checking her out. I became kind of protective of her but I guess its natural.
However what really disturbed me was when I saw a few grown men check her out. I was literally taken aback. I've had similar experiences with her at the beach.
For gods sake, what are adult men doing looking at teen girls?
Has anyone else ever experienced this? Have adult men in this day and age really become so perverted?
Maybe I'm being really prude or something, but theres just something about people in their (20's ehh ok, I guess they could get a break)30's and 40's or hell even older, checking out a 15 yr old girl.
Edited 1/1/2007 9:30 am ET by dgn44

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When dd17 was about 15 and "blooming" all over, we were in a quickmart and I noticed this considerably older man staring at her, literally lick his lips and swallow. I was so completely grossed out, we left without making our purchase. DD, in a way thankfully, was clueless at the time.
I think it's natural to look, or notice a good looking person, male or female. I am in my 40's and goodness knows, I've noticed my fair share of nice looking or handsome men, both young and old! No ogling going on here, just noticing.
As long as there is no disrespectful comments, gestures or obvious leering, I really don't think it's all that terrible. If a glance turns into a stare or a smile turns into a gesture or comment, then I'd say you have good reason to feel uncomfortable. I hate when I'm on the beach with my daughters and decrepit old geezers leer at me or my girls. OTOH, it's kind of flattering to be noticed by a cute 'younger' guy and I think that most young girls do not mind being noticed by thier peers. My daughters will tell me if they are creeped out by anyone leering at them. My 19dd is particularly sensitive about this, while I think my 17dd eats up the attention she attracts. lol - we've had to have many many long talks about appropriate (hers included) attentions.
I think its natural for people to notice someone attractive. Gosh even I notice attractive teen boys. But for ex. your experience with the guy who was looking, smiling, and swallowing or the other posters experience about men calling out to her and going up to her.
I'm shocked by how common it is for older men to ogle teenage girls, or flirt with them. Thats what disturbs me. They should really know better.
I'm sorry but I must either be the most unattractive woman in my city and my daughter as well OR I am the most naive and unobservant person in the universe but I honestly do not find myself out shopping anywhere and see men "checking out" either of us.
Honestly? I think that people who notice stuff like this and consider it something sexual have maybe something not too right going on in their own hearts and minds. Do you honestly believe that the vast majority of people on the street are perverts who want to jump you and check you out? If you believe this either you are Pamela friggin Anderson or you live in a red light district. If not then I'd bet anything that all these men who were "checking you out" would be insulted and disturbed with the inference that they wanted to sleep with you....
I know men stare from time to time but the way you describe it just sounds all a bit toooo much.
I don't think the OP is overreacting. Its pretty normal to be kind of freaked out about this when you first notice it. Besides she's not the only person to have noticed and experienced something like this, just read the other posts.
I agree. I've been thinking about this thread for a day or two now, wondering if maybe there is something wrong with ME!
Due to the fact that I've got 3 DSs, I've had more than my share of teen boys in and out of the house, some of them quite good looking, and I notice. That does not mean I want to have sex with them (eewww) or leer or oogle... it's more about appreciating a good looking person, much like my eyes are drawn to a cute little girl, a sunset, or a beautiful landscape. My sister in law calls it "admiring God's creation" - and that's as far as it goes. Anything beyond that is disgusting IMHO.
About a year ago, N who was 14 at the time, and I went to visit my sister in California. She and her DH live on a Marine base, her DH is a career service man with 17 years in. The place was crawling with good looking young men who work out intensely on a daily basis, the majority between 17 and 20 y/o. The 'view' was great, but outside of that, they're kids, some other 40-something mama's little boys... and that's where they stayed in my mind. N looks several years older than she actually is, has a cute figure, big brown eyes and gorgeous long blonde hair, and I noticed them checking her out pretty regularly, but I can honestly say that with just a few notable exceptions, nobody was out of line, and it didn't bother me at all. Was I wrong for not being bothered??
Rose
I know some may disagree, but I truly believe that this is caused by several things: The first of which is the media, of course.
There is blatent 'near' nudity on regular and cable television...MTV perpetuates that 'sexy schoolgirl' image nearly on a daily basis...commercials used to be simple and witty and clever but now they try to appeal to our basic human sexuality and lust (and they are using younger and younger women/girls). It works, it gets our attention - how could you not look?
Magazine covers almost always feature attractive, nearly nude or provactive photos of really young women and girls - same thing with the ads inside. To sell jeans or pop wear, they are using adolescent girls but posing them and dressing them as young fertile women. Look at an Abercrombie ad sometime.
If you watch regular network tv, you will at least once/twice an evening be bombarded with Victoria Secret ads, which in my opinion is borderline soft porn. Sex and nudity sells. The thing is, not only can some people find this 'shove it in your face sex' offensive, but we're teaching our sons and daughters that this type of 'in your face' sexuality/sensuality is IT, something to live and die by.
Same thing with on line sites: There is a site, hotenough.com, I just read about this morning and almost tossed my cereal. It's a site where people can post thier photo and be voted on as members by other members, but they have to be good looking/hot enough! There is also hotornot.com, wherein people can post thier photos and then get voted as to if they are hot or not. These are only two examples.
And then there is the whole porn issue, which I realize can be a hot topic, no pun intended. Porn has become so mainstream, it's almost expected and it's abused within relationships. I'm not saying there isn't a place for porn between those who mutually wish to use it, but with porn so readily available, without taboo, and usually with the highlighted, "barely legal" women featured, it's no wonder that young girls are being ogled and harrassed by men of all ages.
We no longer have any boundaries and it's up to parents/caregivers to teach and maintain those healthy boundaries.
Sadly, this is another factor - we teach our daughters to be wary and to be careful about who they talk to, what they say, what they wear, etc., but how can we be certain that parents of sons are teaching the same things? I know some parents who still have the same old fashioned double standards with thier sons and daughters. With todays' hyper sexual climate, that's dangerous. And with the blatent sexuality that comes across in the media, it's no surprise that men of all ages think it's okay to ogle young girls.
Anyway, I agree with you, sorry for the ramble.
I'm in this line as well. As DH has been known to notice girls that are good looking in ds's class or just out and about, he'll say, "She's going to be a heartbreaker." This doesn't make me wonder about his intentions; just that he notices a good looking girl/teen. Same with me. I don't ogle, nor do I have any intentions; just totally innocent observations of the beauty of the human race.
Sue
I don't think so. I mean as you said only a few were out of line, most were just being guys. As long as people look and appreciate and not touch I think its fine.
Think of it this way, teens, especially once they are 16 really do have adult bodies, and its natural to notice them. Girls have breasts, they menstruate, can become pregnant, and have pubic hair. They have the bodies of adult women. Boys have body hair, many work out and have nice bodies, have pubic hair, and can impregnate women. They have adult bodies. Why wouldn't a adult notice another adult body that is good looking?
I notice when teen boys have a nice smile or pretty eyes or if I'm at the gym I notice teen boys with nice abs or a nice but etc..... But I only look and appreciate, I would never flirt or have sex with them.
Our culture has become largely sexualized, mostly because of the media and yes porn. Girl will probably have to learn how deal with that kind of attention. As long as nooone is staring or ogling it shouldn't really bother them. I bet many of you ladies have learned to deal with men or even teenage boys checking you out.
Boys and girls checking each other out is quite normal for all ages!
BTW if you're concerned about inappropriate looking or your daughter becoming uncomfortable perhaps you can try to make her more safe. For ex. if its dark and your daughter needs to go somewhere and she's concerned, why not send her brother with her(if she has one) or her father or any other male that she trusts.
I myself am more protective of girls than boys. God I hate to support a double standard, but cmon boys are strong and girls are usually not. Its normal for men to be protective of their sisters, wives, daughters. I doubt any man would make her feel uncomfortable if there was another man by her side.
What you're referring to is all normal. I think the OP was referring to lechurous ogling by much older men of a young teenaged girl. There is a difference, as everyone has stated.
It's totally natural and normal in fact for any and all of us to notice an attractive person, whether it be male or female. I've noticed cute and attractive girlfriends of my dd's as well as GF's of thier male friends. I think it's natural to notice an attractive person, just as you would notice any other person for whatever reason, whatever makes them stand out to you.
I wouldn't have any issues with my H casually noticing another woman, as long as he isn't staring or ogling at her. I WOULD have an issue if he rubbernecked anyone, but in particular a girl he KNEW was young enough to be his daughter...see what I mean about there being a difference?
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