Advice on dealing with my 15 yr old and the internet

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2011
Advice on dealing with my 15 yr old and the internet
12
Fri, 11-04-2011 - 1:58pm

I recently discovered that my 15 yr old daughter is having a "virtual" relationship with a 23 yr old man via Facebook.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

For starters, what that 23 year old man is doing (receiving revealing pictures from her) is a crime because she is underage. It doesn't matter if she wanted to send him the pics. It's illegal, and she needs to know this. She might get a talking to by the cops if they find out, but he can actually be arrested. Knowing this might make her think twice.

But your biggest job right now is to keep her safe, so that might mean a lot of conflict in your house. But don't let this stop you from doing what you need to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2011

Thank you SO much for this advice!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Looks like you already got some great advice and you were on the right track. A similar thing happened to a poster in the folder below (I think it's the troubled teens folder) only the guy that was creeping on her teen was a 40 something from the UK. They finally busted him due to the OP working closely with authorities. I'm sure things will be unpleasant for awhile but she'll thank you one day. You might even want to contact this guy just to make sure he knows that she's only 15 and warn him that if he attempts contact again you won't be so nice about it. If it's really 'true love' they can reconnect in 3 years when she's an adult.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

How did she even find this guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2011

Thanks again for everyones advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

Darn, I thought I had posted yesterday, I guess I'm getting swallowed up again. Actually I think I'm leaving the page too fast before my post is fully posted.

Naturally I can't remember the name of the site I wanted you to look for that your DD might be meeting people on. My DD's still asleep so I'll ask her again later, but there are many like it. It's like a "speed date" site. It was fairly "safe" (as safe as random meetings can be) until the pedo's and pervs got to it. My DD was introduced to it at an overnight a couple of years ago. The kids have a cam on both ends and the site matches you at random with someone else that is on. If you don't like what you see, you "next" them and another person will pop up. I sat and watched a couple of years ago and it was sort of funny, they would talk for a couple of minutes to see if they had anything in common and both parties are live so you can SEE if the other end is a kid or an adult. She has 2 "good" friends from that now that she frequently talks to over the msn messenger- one in Wales and one in Alabama, we're in Wa. State. HOWEVER this site and apparently others like it have degenerated into something worth blocking access to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

okay, you are afraid of your daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
GREAT post as always fullmom - you always give such FABulous advice, love love it! If we could all parent this way with the other parents full support and assistance............

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

I have not BTDT with this problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2011

Just wanted to say, I love your advice, fullmom2. I couldn't have written it any better.

I hope I'm not hijacking this thread, I just wanted to add a few words, so maybe the original poster doesn't feel so alone.

I'm currently in a similar (not exact) situation with my 14 yo dd + the use of marijuana ("everyone does it") and when I insisted on a drug test and wouldn't let her side step the topic (she usually changes the subject to get me off the drug inquiry or starts crying so I'll embrace her and forget about the drug topic), my sweet dd whom I love with all my heart spewed nothing but hate from her mouth. The worst foul language I've ever witnessed followed by many "I hate you!"'s and "I don't ever want to see you again!"'s. As sad as I am, I love her too much to see her go down this path, and although it is painful to enforce tough rules, I feel it's my job. A job that really sucks right now, but it's my job nonetheless. I'm not sure when we'll actually speak again - after her beligerance last night follwing this event she is spending some time with her father...who is hopefully enforcing strict rules as well. Otherwise it's all for nothing, if two parents whether together or apart, are not on the same page.

Sometimes being a parent really sucks.

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