Advice? DS16 Admits to Occasional Marij. and Drinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Advice? DS16 Admits to Occasional Marij. and Drinking
18
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 5:34am

May I please have your advice? My DS16 is a pretty good kid -- fairly respectful, good grades in school, gives us no major problems, just the typical mouth.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Hi amom! You'll get many parents on this board that have been or are in your same boat. Our oldest ds, who up to that point had been straight arrow, compliant, etc. went through quite a 'wild streak' his senior year in high school. Smoked pot (and cigs for awhile), drank, hung out with the 'stoners'. We discussed, yelled, grounded, took away the car, etc. He ended up sneaking out of the house 3 times (we finally busted him the 3rd time). He didn't mind riding the bus because one of his little stoner buddies rode the bus, too. It was the year from he** but despite everything he remained very involved in band/martial arts/high school musical/youth group/part time job and graduated 2nd in his class of 225. He hasn't smoked pot as far as I know since that time, which was about 6 years ago. He does have some beers on occasion but he's now in med school and doesn't have a lot of time for that, either. My younger ds was very 'straight edge' in high school but went away to college and all bets were off. He partied way too much including a lot of pot. I'm convinced he doesn't smoke pot anymore and even his drinking has toned way down (he's 21 now so it is perfectly legal for him to drink).

The fact is that many, many kids are going to experiment with drinking and pot. Not all and my hats are off to those parents who have kids that never try anything like this. I think you did the right thing by remaining calm. I think it's important that you let him know your feelings on it - that at his age both these activities are illegal and your hope is that you've raised him to abide by the law and that your hope is that he won't continue to do this. I would make it clear that if he ever comes home drunk or stoned there will be consequences and it goes without saying that driving under the influence would result in losing driving privileges. I don't know that I'd go as far as to say 'if we ever find out you've had another beer we'll take away your license'. I'm one of those parents that let our ds's have a beer on occasion at home if they weren't going anywhere when they got to be older teens.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005

HELP! I'd also like to know how to STOP getting emails to everyone's kind replies, becasue the title of the message is coming up in my inbox and he will see it. Where do i go to UNCHECK that option??? Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

As I'm typing this reply to you over to the right I can see a box that says 'email me when someone replies'. It's not checked. I think it might be something you can turn off permanently in your settings. I never get email notifications.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

OK if you are on the main page and go over to the right it should say 'edit my preferences'. Click there, then click on the tab that says 'subscriptions and bookmarks'. At the bottom there will be 'Notify me for my own posts and replies'. Make sure that's unchecked.

Pam
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997

I agree with Pam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I have a 22 yr old DD--she just graduated from college as a nurse, did very well in h.s., was in National Honor Society, track team, worked part time--and she also drank alcohol on occasion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

Well it was probably killing him to keep it from you based on your description of him, he sounds like a love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004

all good advice musiclover

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

Teens will experiment, but USUALLY they are so afraid that if their parents find out, they would KILL THEM FOR DOING IT, that the information would NEVER, spontaneously, come out of their mouths.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

After having gotten my kids through the teen years and all but one of them over the age of 21 (she turned 20 early in July), I can say I still fall on the "it's not the end of the world, I do NOT like it, but I'm not going to go crazy over this either."

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