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| Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:15pm |
Need advice… Ok, my dd's friend's mom and grandma will be out of town this weekend. Her mom left last night, and her grandma left this morning. Her gma dropped her off at my house at 7:30 a.m. Her mom never called me about anything this weekend. I heard through the girl that they will be out of town and that she either had to stay w/a friend or her aunt. I told her she could stay w/us. So yesterday, I called her mom's cell number to touch base with her. My message went something like this, "I just wanted to touch base with you about this weekend. Sarah mentioned that you and her grandma were going out of town and that she wants to stay with us. I just wanted to find out if I will be able to reach you on your cell phone in case of an emergency or if there's another number I would need to call. Sarah probably mentioned to you that we're going to the theme park on Saturday. It's my husband's company picnic, so it's free to get in, and they're providing free lunch and drinks all day. Please call me back at work xxx-xxxx or on my cell xxx-xxxx. I'll talk to you later, thanks!" She never called me back, and her mom and grandma both are gone! While I’m sure nothing will happen, you never know. Sarah could get hurt at the amusement park, or maybe something could even happen in my family that we need to have her leave. Know what I mean? Now, am I totally overreacting about this? I told my daughter that if I don't hear from her mom today, that Sarah will have to stay somewhere else this weekend, because I need parent communication. Am I being too mean? What do you all think I should do? This girl has stayed w/us practically all summer (all but two nights!), so I really feel like she's being abandoned. She is court-ordered to live w/her grandparents (they're having family problems right now), but she's w/her mom more often. Her mom has only talked to me twice all summer, when I went to her for something. I've only seen/talked to her grandma once. I'm getting a big concerned now. They girls are both 13 yrs old. Thanks!

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I would say leave another message on the cell asking where you should drop her off as you're not comfortable without up front plans. Then maybe if this woman realizes you're serious, she'll call back and make up for the lack of communications, and her dd can still stay, if you're still up for it. Good luck.
Sue
What does Sarah say?
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be th
I understand your concern but, truly, if there were to be an emergency you could always still get her help/treatment. No hospital would deny her treatment because her mother cannot be reached....
But still I know what you mean. My dd has a friend who is 3 years younger. This girl is 13 now but my 16yo dd has known her since they were very little. Even when this little girl was 4 years old she was allowed to freely roam up and down the street, play in kids' houses etc sometimes for hours before someone would come looking for her. Her parents are of an Eastern European heritage and came from small villages where this was normal so they saw nothing wrong with it even though me, growing up in a big city, I am a little more cautious in this area.
There were times last summer when this girl would be home alone. She'd take a key, lock her door and hang at our house for HOURS well into the evening. Once I walked her home around 9PM, she realized no one was home yet and I insisted she come back to the house, call her mom's cell and tell her she'd be with me until they showed up. They didn't seem to worry that much about her being alone at home but I couldn't let her stay alone. One day she and my dd wanted to watch a movie but I was visiting my mom first. I took the girl with us, left her mom my cell number and she was out with us ALL DAY without a word from her mom to even check up on her. She is a great kid, smart, talented, polite and no trouble at all.
Over the years I just felt sorry for this kid. I knew that to her and her family this was "normal" but I couldn't stomach the idea of a girl being left to her own devices so much. And I felt like if I did nothing to watch out for her once she had made it to my house, if something happened to her it would be on my conscience forever. And I came to care for this kid as if she were a family member. I see her even more than I see my nieces.
So I don't know if you feel the same way about this girl. But if it were me, I'd say try to contact her mom once again, leave her another message if you must about how you just wanted her to know her dd was okay since you were sure she'd be concerned (natch) and just leave it at that.
Edited 6/29/2007 12:57 pm ET by times4
Can you try to get in touch with Sarah's aunt (the one she should stay with if she can't stay with a friend)? I would try her, continue to try Sarah's mom, and have Sarah or you try to contact her gma. Does Sarah have any idea where they have gone?? Is it possible Sarah *has* more info than what she is doling out in hopes of staying with you instead of her aunt?
I can't believe that these people dropped their daughter off at your house w/o any kind of communtication as to where they will be, how to get in touch with them, or even if it was OK with YOU if she stays! That just blows my mind. geez.
Depending on the nature of her aunt (is she responsible? God knows the aunt's sister and mom obviously aren't), I think I would have to have Sarah stay with her. omg, what if something happened? You don't even have authority to have her treated. I mean, I know that is probably NOT going to happen, but you never know. When ds's bff stayed with us for several days while his mom and dad were on a cruise, I had a notarized paper giving me authority to have their son treated should the need arise while they were gone.
Perhaps knowing that she is going to be carted to her aunt's, IF Sarah has more info that what she is letting on, maybe she will come forth with it. There is also the good possiblity that she doesn't know any more than you do.
Good grief! That just astounds me (that a parent would do that).
My guess is they all have an equal level of irresponsibility, and the aunt won't understand why you're upset.
I think you are right to be concerned but if she has been with you all but 2 nights of the summer, I question 'Why now?' This family is probably thinking the same thing, KWIM?
I would suck it up for the weekend-you said you would take her and you have the cell number to call in an emergency
Upon their return, I would speak up and set some limits.
It appears this family is violating their agreement with Childrens Services. I would not become part of this myself and would probably be thinking of calling the family's caseworker.
She is not supposed to be with mom for a reason-abusive BF tends to be a common reason.
Anyway, I'm just going to let it slide for this weekend. If anything happens, I'm just going to say, "you know - i tried to get a hold of you for phone numbers, etc".
I can very much understand your concern. I tend to agree with your idea that if you can't get through to the girl's mom or gmom then she probably needs to stay with another friend, or go with her aunt. Seems to me the daughter should be able to get hold of one of them. After last weekend I wouldn't take someone else's child with me to a big amusement park without a parent/guardian's consent, at least verbal acknowledgement of where I was taking them. I worked last weekend, and at the Kentucky Kingdom there was a ride that had a cable break and a 13 y/o lost her legs. The cable snapped and cut them off above the ankles. That's one of the places my employer lets us pick as summer tickets at a discount instead of an annual picnic. We went there a couple of years ago. Same kind of ride at the park we went to (as I'm sure that ride is in most of the big amusement parks), the one that takes you way up and drops you straight down.
I can very much understand your concern. Personally, I would tell the girls sorry, but no parent/guardian consent and she's not going. Might get her to pony up a number you can actually contact someone at.
Sorry to be so alarmist, freak accidents are just that, freaky. But, you never know.
Sallie
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