age difference - 16 f and 20m
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|Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:09pm|
Now comes my concern. My 16 year DD has grown fondly of my SIL's 20 year old friend and he likes her as well. My DD is a Junior in HS. He has been out of school a couple years, is in the army reserves, went to college for a semester and works at a golf course to save up for college. From what I know about him, he's a pretty clean kid - not into drugs and the like. He has his own apartment which concerns me GREATLY. If I hadn't got to know him first, I would have absolutely refused the idea. However, he's very respectful, fun to be around and can understand her liking him. I don't want to see my DD hurt. I don't want to refuse her to see him - however, I don't want her to get too serious, too quickly with him either.
My DH is against this. He thinks there is something wrong with a 20 year old that wants to be with a 16 year old (I don't necessarily agree with). He feels age difference when your 16 and 20 is different than 26 & 30 or 30 & 34. Which I do agree with, however, I am really struggling with this.
As far as the relationship with my DD - we've always been able to talk about things. She feels that she could be open and honest with me about this relationship. And, of course, that she could handle this relationship without getting intimate. (hasn't this been said umpteen million times???). I have always let my kids know that they need to stay with groups of friends and not subject themselves to being alone at ANY TIME!
Also, I will note, that she has had some problems recently with her girlfriends. She hasn't been able to talk to them much lately. Also, she has not had many boyfriends (and those she has had were not long term). And I know that she has enjoyed having someone new to talk to. She will be crushed if we, as parents, were to end this new relationship.
Has anyone had a similar experience with their daughter???
Do I trust my DD and build our mother/daugher relationship - or am I crazy to even think of letting her getting involved with someone older???