alcohol and teens

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
alcohol and teens
7
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:35pm
Anyone else out there ever been in your teens car for whatever reason when they weren't around and found alcohol hidden there? What did you do about it? DH wants to take the car away for a month and tell her if it ever happens again he will sell the car. She is mad that we were "snooping in her car" and into to her privacy, but we truly did accidently find it and I feel like I have every right to be in her car that WE did pay for by the way......Just when you want to trust them and they are being really good it seems like there is always a bomb ready to drop. Looks like I'll be driving her around for awhile... hope she gets the message that it is illegal and is an MIP waiting to happen, and obviously she is consuming it somewhere..UGH
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:56pm

Hi! Fortunately, I haven't had that experience yet, but I fully agree with your DH's response. Good Luck!

Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 4:29pm
Oh, parenting, isn't it sweet? i seemed to have lost my manuel at the delivery time. i have a ds age 16 and he just lost the priviledge to the car we bought for him. we took it away on Saturday and it's now Tuesday, the first three days were tough..he gave every reason why we should not have taken it and that he violated nothing that related to the car *(your dd violated a biggie w/that..transportation of alcohol and god forbid if she's drinking and driving.) well, since we took it, his mood was nasty, he actually had the nerve to smoke in his bedroom which we had a feeling he was but never did it in the house...he has become defiant and that's why we took the car...i also , w/o his knowledge today took him for a urynalisis because his mood swings are too often than not. so, hang tough and the advise i got from on of the ivillage posters was to hang in there and support my husband's punishment. i'm alot softer than he is , i can't go against him on this, we need to stick this out and hopefully it will be for the better..i have also arranged counseling for next week..my son doesn't know it yet so i'm hoping he will go and not give me a hard time....hummmm, i may use the return of the car as leverage to go to the counseling..well good luck and you are not along...hang tough mom. whether you were snooping or not is not the issue here, it's the fact that you found alcohol in the car that she drives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 9:02pm

I don't have teen drivers yet (still a couple years away) but I do have strong feelings about alcohol and driving. Throw a teen driver into the equation and it's just bad, bad, bad.

I agree with your DH. Taking her car is very reasonable consequence, imo. You could very well be saving her life ... or the life of someone else.

Just my 2 cents,

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 10:06pm
I agree that losing the car is appropriate. My step-d doesn't have a car to drive, but we did find out she was drinking/attending parties before her late start/block-schedule days, so instead of riding w/ friends now she is being driven to school by my husband or myself. She gets dropped off about 7 minutes before the bell; that means no time to mess around. Also, I'm making her pay for my gas since her misbehavior is causing me to forfeit my carpool (and with a 100 mile round trip commute to work that's a big deal.)
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 8:13am

I occasionally peep through my 18dd's car. We helped her buy it, she's on our insurance, she's underage and she lives in our house - damn straight I'm going to be checking to make sure she has nothing illegal in her car!! I casually look in there about once a month.

No need to feel bad about it and too bad if she doesn't see that you're right. Just imagine if she got stopped for a broken taillight or something stupid and the police saw the bottle(s). That would be a nightmare.

She's only proving her immaturity, IMO, by being so obnoxious about it. I'm with your H - lose the car for a month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 11:10am

I too would take the car away. I have taken the car away from my DD for driving too fast, driving w/o a seatbelt, etc. so yeah - the car would be parked for a while. In order to improve the mood, I might tell her that she may the car to do something very specific if she can behave in a respectful manner to those people that she lives with. I wouldn't let her drive just to hang out with someone. I would let her drive once a week to work or school and straight back home. She's used to having that cartime w/o someone looking over her shoulder and it's very frustrating to suddenly have it gone but it would most definitely be tied to her behavior and attitude. Give her a little incentive to improve her mood. This will also let her know that you understand how frustrating this how situation is to her and that you are not doing this just to show your authority and control. She will see that you feel that driving is a privilege that she can earn back - a little at a time.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 12:59pm
IMO, the only reason she feels like her privacy was violated is because she had something to hide- and was busted. You have every right to search the car, and every right to in the future now that you have a reason to distrust. Wow, I have a DD-13 y/o, and I am not looking forward to this type of thing. (I did not have a car until I was 18 or 19, and I paid for it myself, as well as my insurance). Having a car is a huge responsibility, I think teens can be a little careless when it's not their sweat paying for things.
The most important thing here is your DD's safety, and it sounds to me like you and your DH are handling the situation in a fair way. Teens have a way of making you second guess your decisions. Hang in there.