All This Bully Talk!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
All This Bully Talk!
18
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 10:55am

All this 'new kid' bully talk makes me a nervous wreck! As of this past Saturday, there is a 'For Sale' sign stuck in our front lawn and we'd really like to leave California. This would mean, however, that my 7th grade son and 10th grade daughter would be the 'new kid' in whatever school they end up in. I would never forgive myself for moving these two 'reasonably happy with school' kids and having them end up in a situation like the ones that have been described here in recent posts.

I told DH last night that before we moved anywhere, I planned on calling any schools we were considering, as well as local police departments, to learn of any reported incidents as well as drug, gang and other crime and related incidents.

Do you think a high school principal would be completely open and honest if asked these questions? I think he/she might be inclined to gloss over anything negative for fear of the school, and him/herself ultimately, being cast in an unfavorable light.

While I realize that no situation is perfect, and that every school will have issues and problems of some sort, what other precautions can I take to ensure that they would be minimal?

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 6:40am
I wouldn't move to a district unless I had checked it out beforehand. The incidents you have been reading about are generally not the norm in most schools but just something that can happen. Every state ranks their school districts in some way. You can check for the scores on line. A smaller district can be better since the kids don't get lost in the shuffle. Usually the teachers live in or near town and their own kids atttend the schools. It can also mean that like small towns do, they can occasionally stick their heads in the sand when it comes to certain things. Each school has a handbook, ask to see it. This will tell you things like dress code, ethics, bullying and harrassment guidelines, zero tolerance,etc. I would also want to know if there is an alternative high school in the district. That would be a plus. That way the trouble makers have somewhere else to go and are separated from the students that want to learn and behave themselves. The principal of the school may or may not gloss over things if you ask but just visiting the school and observing should give you lots of clues. Whatever school you choose I can't stress enough the importance of involvement. If they know you, they will know your kids. The local police department can give you information regarding crime statistics in general. You might ask if there is a liason officer assigned to the schools. If there is gang activity why would you even think of living there? Drugs and alcohol are everywhere but vigilant parenting and informative teachers can help there. Also, each school has a web site, check them out. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 10:30am
Our high school has a special ed program where kids from the area are bussed in.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:10am

You're probably right about school principals. The ones around here are totally in the CYA mindset and don't admit anything bad or unpleasant happens in their schools, ever!

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That is so true! I'm starting to get little glimpses of the teenage version of him now and so far, it's just that he doesn't want to be seen with me in public! He's still got a 'little boy heart' though. Maybe he'll keep it forever?

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:14am

Thank you for sharing your experiences. While I wouldn't exactly call it bullying, DS did have a little run-in with a 'friend' in 5th grade, who incidentially, lives on the same street! Now, I do realize the kid was bullying DS, but in a more passive-agressive way.

Though unpleasant, DS did learn to walk away and avoid the kid from then on out.

You're right, we just have to go into this expecting the best!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:19am

Oh no, I knew what you meant! DD had her own fair share of dealings with 'mean girls' in middle school. In fact, one pretty major incident in 8th grade pretty much turned her world upside down and that's why she asked to attend a school that is an hour away from home and where she'd never see any kids from middle school again.

From that experience, it seems she is able to steer clear of that sort of drama. Oh, and some cyber bullying went along with that particular incident too. That may be why she doesn't spend much time IMing or anything like that.

Thanks for your input!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:22am

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Thanks! I've actually already checked the internet news reports on the schools we are interested in, and have only found sports scores. I am taking that as a good thing!

As far as I could tell from the school websites, bullying doesn't seem to be specifically address that I remember. I'll have to go back and check.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:25am

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Oh yes, I agree with that. When DD had her 'mean girl' experience in 8th grade, it went on so long that I ended up calling the school counselor. And I did name names when she asked. She was so surprised to hear which girls were causing trouble because they 'were all such NICE girls'! One even had a mother who worked in the school office for YEARS. You just never know, and that's why I'm nervous!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:40am

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AACCCK!! I think this is why I'm worrying so about this. It won't matter how much research I do about the community we move to or how careful we are in selecting schools, the potential is just there. It's just a sad fact that kids are just downright mean these days and we can only do what we know to do to help our own kids through it, should something happen.

DD had some really 'great' experience with the mean girl thing in 8th grade and while it was a very unpleasant exprience for her and I both, she did learn from it and seems to avoid the kids and groups that seem to thrive on that sort of drama now.

DS too, had a little run in with a 'friend' in 5th grade that carried into 6th. Now I see that this kid really is a bully, but in a real passive-aggressive way. DS learned to avoid him last year and doesn't cross paths with him at all this year. This kid lives on our street, however, and DS (and DD too) have been begging me to let them 'egg' his house right before we move. I'm mighty tempted, I have to say ...

One of the things that concerns me is that we move and just suppose, DS becomes a victim. He's the kind of kid that wouldn't tell me, (he's in that 'I can handle this myself' stage, which is good) it may get out of hand and I wouldn't know anything about it until something terrible happens. Like the mom who posted her DS ended up in critical care, he was beaten so bad. How do you know? If your kid isn't inclined to 'tattle'?

And on the other hand, I don't want to start out saying "if anything bad happens, if the kids are mean to you, etc., I need to know". KWIM? I don't want to plant 'bad' seeds beforehand and have them start a new school in that fram of mind, but I DO want them to know that this stuff does happen and they shouldn't let themselves be victims. Aargh!

In my favor here, the housing market is quite soft and I don't expect an immediate house sale or move. I think I'll have plenty of time to get myself worked up!

Anyway Sue, thank you for your positive thoughts. I need to keep them up on my end!

Julie

 

 

 

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