To all of the parents of teens needing advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
To all of the parents of teens needing advice.
33
Fri, 11-11-2011 - 1:07pm

Hello everyone,

I am a 27 year old graduate student studying to be an adolescent counselor. I am researching parents concerns and teen issues. I have a 2 year old son so I have not reached any of these problems, but I was a teen not to long ago and I would like to offer my advice. It doesn't seem that much has changed over the past ten years and I feel it is important to have some incite from someone who has been through issues like this. When I was a teenager I exhibited many of the things everyone is concerned about. I had sex for the first time at age 14, I smoked pot, drank alcohol, and had no parental supervision. I would first like to tell you that I grew out of all of these behaviors and it was not because my parents wanted me to. Sadly I am an exception, I would say half of my friends who did everything I did evolved into well educated, successful adults, but the other half are still doing the same thing.

My advice which I think might save some of your teenagers is to find someone a couple years older than your teen who they will look up to and respect. Teens never listen to what their parents have to say especially if they are already exhibiting some of these behaviors. This is why they need advice from a teen who is on the right path or who has grown out of these behaviors. Have the older teen take them out to show them they can have fun without doing drugs, having sex, or drinking alcohol. Also the older teen can tell them why it was a mistake to have sex at such a young age, what it does to their social status, and the consequences behind them. If your teen responds to this they will be proud to have an older friend and want to follow in their footsteps. I also feel it is important to tell your teens what you went through when you were a teen, my parents never even had a sex talk with me and I feel if they had I maybe would've waited.

As for what a parent can do, I would take every sign very seriously. Having open communication, strict rules and boundaries, and respect from your child is a must. This means do not stoop to their level, do not scream, or hit, drink, or do drugs. If you have control over yourself it will be much easier to control your teenager. Many people in this forum suggest limiting TV, internet, and texting. The first time there is a problem take these things away and do not give them back, they have broken your trust and do not deserve such luxuries. When your teenager spends the night out it is time to be a spy! Teenagers know how to get around everything. They will use 3 way to make it seem they are calling from their friends home when they are really out or at the bf's or gf's house. You must know their friends parents and if you don't know them well or don't have the same values,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 2:37pm

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 5:47pm
I am not being judgmental. I am giving you advice. Too many people today, especially younger people, view e-mail, texting, and other on-line communication as disposable, and not worthy of effort. Then, that attitude creeps into their other communications. And sloppy grammar seems to be endemic in people under the age of 40. Please view this as a wake-up call.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 6:35pm
You sound like a great young woman. And I apologize for coming across earlier as being judgmental. My boys are now 21 and 24 - closer to your age than some of the young teens whose parents come here. I started lurking here when my older ds was 12 or so and was cl for several years. We've had lots of random posts over the years stating that "I'm 18 or 25 or 27... and because I'm closer in age to your children than you are I know exactly how to solve any of your problems". You have a 2 year old - have you ever had a person that has no children or has a 2 month old try to offer you advice out of the blue on potty training/tantrums/etc.? That's probably how you originally came across to many (including me). While you may not get people here asking for your opinion on raising teens since you have yet to be a parent of a teen - it doesn't mean that you can't offer some suggestions. Welcome to the board.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 8:44pm

Dear Bayougirl1,

My earlier posting was meant to be kind and hopefully funny, but also truthful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 9:57pm

ok so no worries...you make good points, I thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 10:48pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2011
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 9:49am
Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 12:18pm

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to step in and ask everyone to please be gentler in your words to others. It’s okay to not agree with advice from someone who hasn't yet "been there" but attacking someone's grammar and spelling is not okay, especially when there was no intended malice. I honestly believe most people's hearts are in the right place and they are truly only wanting to be helpful. It’s okay to disagree but doing so respectfully is requested; we can all learn from each other, and if we can’t be respectful, it’s best to not reply at all. We won’t all agree with everything we see so sometimes we just have to move onto the next post rather than responding in a negative way.

Thanks for understanding!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 10:05pm

Well said

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-1998
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 11:59am

Hi.