Am I doing the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Am I doing the right thing?
3
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 2:58pm
It's prom time - and as part of the after-prom, there is a trip to an amusement park for those that went to the prom - this is on Sunday. Two weeks ago, my daughter got the form to turn in to go on this trip. She had it on Monday, but didn't give it to me until Friday to fill out and give her the money for it. Later that day, she gave me the check back and said it was too late, the buses were full. But that was OK, because she and her best friend will drive over there themselves (this would be a 2 1/2 - 3 hour drive). The two girls are 16. My husband and I both told her that night that we did not like the idea of them driving themselves. They would not be with the school group that way, would not be covered by school insurance, would not be with chapperones. Then they would be driving back home late at night. Neither one of them has had experience with driving to another state and that far without an adult. We told her that night we would think about it, but the answer would probably be NO. Well, two weeks have gone by without her saying a word about it. Today is prom day, she asked this morning if we made a decision. I told her no. Now then, she hates me. She's the "only one who's never been", her best friend has to "drive over there all by herself", she's been "looking forward to this ever since high school started", and I've "totally ruined prom day for her!"

So I am looking for reassurance that I did the right thing - would any of you have let your 16 year old make a 6 hour round trip to a different state with just one other 16 year old with her all because she forgot to turn in the form earlier in the week? My daughter is blaming this all on me, when SHE's the one who forgot to turn it in earlier. What would you have done or said?

Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 3:57pm
Well - given my experiences of late with my teen, I would have to agree that you did the right thing. Earlier, I might have been the one to give in and say let her go, because it is a special night, etc. But - she should learn about responsibility and consequences for her actions - but even beyond that is your concern for her well-being. If you want to give her a break, maybe explore what other options there might be - ie other ways to get there or other activities after prom with some kids who may not be doing the trip. Also - maybe find out if there are others who did not get their forms turned in on time maybe a group could go in together and do a limo or something. Bottom line, stick to what you feel comfortable with. You do not want to have regrets the morning after.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-25-2003 - 4:06pm
I think you are doing the right thing. Of course this is coming from a mom who doesn't even let her teen drive/ride with brand new 16yo drivers to the town up the road! No, I wouldn't let my child go that far with one other inexperienced driver. It's too bad she didn't get the form turned in in time but hopefully this will remind her to be more on the ball next year!

Pam



Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 8:23am
Thank you both for your replies. I made a phone call on Friday and talked to the women in charge of the school trip. They said there were two seats open. My daughter wasn't not happy about riding the bus, but I told her either ride the bus or don't go. We have never fought so much as we did over this issue! She and her best friend did end up riding the bus - they did have a good time - they did sleep on the bus on the way home because they were soooo exhausted. When my daughter got home at 10:45 last night, she thanked me for allowing her to go and for making her ride the bus! I felt so much better for the decision I made. I don't know what would have happened if she had to drive home that night, being as tired as she was.