Am I a hypocrit?
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| Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:31pm |
My dd is 13, and we are very open with each other. I know everything about her and her friends. The rule in our house is that if she has Myspace and email, then I get the passwords. And she knows I look at them. She and her friends even show me things. Anway, I had my dd when I just turned 18 - still in high school and not married. We've been talking a lot about premarital sex, because a friend of her's older sister got pg and had an abortion just recently. I lectured her about sex as a teen and how I'm against abortion. But she knows that I had her young and unmarried. And she even brings that up - not argumentatively. I just tell her that it was very difficult, and I would not have made it with out my grandparents (they raised me). I live with them until my dd was 2 yrs old. But I don't know that I have the "right" to lecture her about teen sex. What do you all think? I'm sure there are lots out there like me - who didn't exactly wait until I was married. What do you tell your teens?
Edited to correct spelling
Edited 6/12/2007 1:50 pm ET by times4

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I try to teach by example in life, but there are times I teach by my tough lessons, then there are those times that I know they will only learn by their own school of hard knox. I try and find a healthy balance between all three :) I would have to believe that there isn't a parent out there who doesn't feel hypocrital at some point because we don't want our children to make some of the same mistakes we made! I find myself scratching my head over this often, but my mothers words from growing up always come back to me...."two wrongs don't make a right" :)
Julie
I do think you have the right to lecture her about teen sex!
I think of all people, you're the PERFECT person to discuss teen sex with her. Notice how I omitted the word "lecture". I prefer to refer to it as a discussion because that is what it should be. Lectures were the way our parents handled things - we as parents know better. lol.
Your perspective and life experience can bring a lot to a discussion about teen sex and it's possible consequences. You know, I've always discussed sex with my girls, but every once in a while, you have to take a step back and let them think about it for a while.
While it's important that your dd know and understand your viewpoints, she needs the time to think about her own feelings as well. As parents we naturally want to save our kids from making the same mistakes or alternative choices that we made and we want to impress upon them our own morals, and that's fine. But in reality, they need to decide for themselves what they believe and make thier own choices based on those beliefs, kwim?
Hugs mom.
Of course you are not a hypocrit!
Hi Cathiann,
I have a couple of questions, cause this has been on my mind lately. Hope you don't mind, and it's not all generated at you, but mostly to everyone here.
<<< Now if you were telling her not to use drugs, but yet still get high yourself, THEN you'd be a hypocrite! >>>
You think it's the same for a grown adult to smoke pot as a child of 13?
What about drinking? Is it hypocritical for a parent to drink but not allow their 13 y.o. to drink?
I just had this conversation last week with a good friend of mine. She lost her oldest child in a car accident a couple of months ago. The pain she's in is *unbelievable*. I can't even wrap my mind around it. I drove out-of-state last week to stay with her.
She started smoking a little pot since. Swears it helps her think more clearly, and not be out of her fricking mind with the pain. She doesn't want her 16 y.o. to smoke it. And she's been called a hypocrite by a couple of other friends and family. For both doing it and not letting him, and for hiding it from him.
And I disagree. She's 46, she's been through so much of life's ups and downs. Her brain is fully developed, unlike a 16 y.o. Pot isn't going to be a "gateway" drug for her. She's already got her college education and runs a business.
Last week was a bad week for me... I can only imagine how it was for her... so I hope I didn't come across as coming down on you. Maybe I'll start a poll. Sometimes I wonder if polls are really anonymous. Maybe that'll be my first poll - Do you believe the polls are truly anonymous?
Anyway, I ramble this morning...
zz
I do think that parents who use drugs and tell their children not to use drugs are hypocrites because how are they going to justify it? With alcohol, it's a little difference, because it's legal for people over 21 to drink. I will allow my kids to drink if they are over 21, so that's more like driving a car. When you are of the right age, you can do it. I do think that if the parents were getting drunk, they could not tell their kids not to get drunk. I feel that I am being a good role model as far as drinking because I hardly ever drink, maybe have one glass of wine w/ dinner when I'm out, so to me, that's teaching the kids how to drink responsibly.
I do feel so badly for your friend. Obviously, she is using drugs to stop the pain she must feel, which isn't the best way to deal with it. As a friend, could you suggest to her that she go to a therapist instead? There are support groups too for parents of children who have died.
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
Who better to do it than you? You lived it. You know exactly what it's like to be a teen mom, single mom etc...
stacy
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