Am I a hypocrit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Am I a hypocrit?
17
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:31pm

My dd is 13, and we are very open with each other. I know everything about her and her friends. The rule in our house is that if she has Myspace and email, then I get the passwords. And she knows I look at them. She and her friends even show me things. Anway, I had my dd when I just turned 18 - still in high school and not married. We've been talking a lot about premarital sex, because a friend of her's older sister got pg and had an abortion just recently. I lectured her about sex as a teen and how I'm against abortion. But she knows that I had her young and unmarried. And she even brings that up - not argumentatively. I just tell her that it was very difficult, and I would not have made it with out my grandparents (they raised me). I live with them until my dd was 2 yrs old. But I don't know that I have the "right" to lecture her about teen sex. What do you all think? I'm sure there are lots out there like me - who didn't exactly wait until I was married. What do you tell your teens?

Edited to correct spelling




Edited 6/12/2007 1:50 pm ET by times4

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Avatar for cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: times4
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 4:52pm

I don't agree with the "do as I say, not as I do" philosophy to life.

Surviving Middle & High School
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
In reply to: times4
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 5:17pm

<<< But you're right to a point (imho)--drugs or alcohol IS worse for a growing body.>>>

And for a brain that's not developed yet.

<<< If smoking pot isn't wrong or okay to help with the emotional pain she has, why does she think it's not okay for her son? >>>

Would you want your kid smoking pot? At what age would you draw the line?

<<< And I feel horribly for your friend to be in so much emotional pain that she smokes pot. >>>

Really? Cause your main concern is that she's in so much pain that she's smoking pot? She's in so much pain because she lost her child. Sheesh, smoking pot is the least of her problems.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
In reply to: times4
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 11:30am
You are the one who brought your friend up.

   cheers!&nbsp

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
In reply to: times4
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 11:51am

Yes, I did bring my friend up. Your point?

<< And since she is also talking about it, who knows when or what authorites are going to find out. >>

Yep. Smoking the occasional joint at home will surely bring the law breaking down your door, lol.

<<< So, I would question to why she thinks it is 'ok' for her and not him. >>>

Those reasons were given in my first post on the subject. Maybe you should re-read.

<<< I am sure being arrested, tried, or going to jail will be such a comfort to both her and her ds at this time of loss.... >>>

There's no comfort to be had, period. A quick trip to jail (which is so unlikely it's funny) is not going to be that traumatic, considering all that's happened.

But hey, I sure hope you don't lose a child, cause you might fall off that judgemental tower you're standing on right now.

zz -- who's leaving this thread because there is surely not any compassion for my friend here

Avatar for cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: times4
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 9:30pm

>><<< And I feel horribly for your friend to be in so much emotional pain that she smokes pot. >>>


Really? Cause your main concern is that she's in so much pain that she's smoking pot? She's in so much pain because she lost her child. Sheesh, smoking pot is the least of her problems.>>


Surviving Middle & High School
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
In reply to: times4
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 9:54pm

Then I apologize for putting words in your mouth.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
In reply to: times4
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 1:47am
well....this has been interesting to read.....to the poster whos friend is having a terrible time dealing....i can not imagine th pain she feels and im sure it is horrible and i do hope that she will find a better way to cope with her pain b/c pot is a gateway at any age...my father did pot for yrs and never touched another thing and i think it was his way of dealing with his fathers death then one day he decided that he could try meth and it would be a big deal b/c he did pot and didnt get addicted or mess up his life...well...guess what...he was wrong....he had a terrible time in rehabs and jail and i just recently got my father back after yr of dealing with that and its hard b/c it almost like the person u knew died and was replaced with someone else...so please try to help ur friend cope in a different manner....b/c it could become a devastaing situation.....trust me i know....now for the orginial poster...u are not a hypocrit...the best way to teach is to show them that u understand the sitiations they face and that youve made bad choices and just want better for them...i dont think our children should know every mistake (not that ur beautiful child was a mistake just bad timing) weve made but i do think that sometimes it helps them to learn from our mistakes and as parents all we want is the best for them and not for them to repeat our mistakes even though we know they will make their own...ur doing a fine job...be proud of yourself...GOd Bless all of you.

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