Am I losing my mind?

Avatar for chyndra2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Am I losing my mind?
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 11:19am
Hi everyone,

I have a beautiful, smart and talented 13 yr old daughter. She is hanging out with a new group of friends that I don't feel comfortable about..A few months ago she told me that these kids were really bad, problems at school, into smoking pot and, she says none of it is true, and people just made up stories...

One of the girls, I really get a bad feeling about her..I don't know why.My daughter thinks she's great..Last night, these kids came to my house ( which I was happy about so I could see what they're up to..they behaved perfectly fine). They stayed until 11pm and I drove everybody home..Why none of these kids parents pick up their kids, I do not know. On my way to drop off the girl that I mentioned above ( the one I get a bad feeling about) , my dd said, no mom. she's sleeping over...her mom said yes.

Guess what, no one asked me! I felt so stupid, and upset that my dd didn't even bother asking me if it was okay for her friend to sleep over...apparently she asked my husband, who didn't bother to tell me. ( how nice )

So fine, we drove back home, I'm watching tv and I hear loud giggling upstairs- which is normal for a sleepover, but they were on the phone! I asked who they could possibly be speaking to at 11:30 pm, they said one of the boys that had been over..So I told my dd to get off the phone, since I really don't think 13yr olds should be on the phone at that time...She starts defying me with her friend smirking beside her..insisting that she's just talking and doing nothing wrong...I insisted she get off the phone, and she finally did.

So now I'm pretty upset that a) she's having a friend sleep over without my having been asked and b) she refuses to get off the phone even though I told her to. But, she did get off the phone, and said she understood that 11:30 pm is late.

Well, guess what? They called back whover they were talking to at 2:30 a.m.!!

Is this normal? Am I too strict? I was so mad I feel like grounding her for defying such a simple request - no phone calls after 11 pm.

She thinks I'm the meanest mother in the world.

Please help.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 1:41pm
No my kids don't talk to me that way and if they did they would lose phone and friend privileges so quick their head would spin. Sounds like your dd might need a refresher course in treating her parents with respect!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 4:51pm
ITA with this approach, unfortunately, I'm not always as strong as I should be. I really have to pick and choose my fights very carefully. I am a single mom and he is my only kid so the dynamics can be quite explosive sometimes. I usually get out of him who he is talking to, what he is up to, who he is hanging around with, sometimes without an argument, sometimes with the threat that he can't go where he wants to go unless I know who he is with. But man, he is tiring some times. The latest phrase that I absolutley abhore and punished him for is "Get over it." Oy, that drives me up a wall.


Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 7:19pm
Jjsmom is on the money. My kids would have been talking out of the other side of their heads if they EVER responded to me like that. The other day, my 19yo gave me that "It's nobody" when I asked who was on the phone. I told her that I asked a simple question, & I EXPECT a simple, CIVIL, answer. I wouldn't accept an answer like that from my HUSBAND! You don't like the rules? There's the door--don't let the doorknob hit ya. I have always been close to my dds, but I was (and still am) their PARENT, not their buddy. As a parent, you have to make the hard choices. You have to do things your kids don't like. That's OK. That's what a parent does. As kids get older, begin to detach, and want to express a self seperate from their parents, they WILL want more freedom & privacy. That's understandable, and they SHOULD be able to have privacy, as least as much as the situation & their level of maturity indicate. BUT and it's a big BUT, they should NOT disrespect you or any other person in the pursuit of that privacy. Because if they do, that PROVES they are NOT mature enough to handle increased freedom & privacy.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 12:09pm
Totally agree! I wouldn't even need to say a word; My 13/15 y/o dd's would already know they'd been cut off from phone for a week and sleep overs for a month! If she doesn't learn respect and consideration now, when will she? Jeesh~It's tough to be tough, but somebody's gotta do it!