Am I too strict?
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|Sat, 10-23-2010 - 5:22pm|
I have left DH to discipline his kids when it doesn't affect me. But both of these things affect me.
1) 13 yo SD doesn't call and say she is going to do something after school. She doesn't show up on the bus. DH assumes she knows he picks up SS at practice at a certain time. We still have to hunt for her. Normally I don't go on the pick up runs but I was with him last week doing other stuff before pick up time. It does irk me that he has all these rules about just that type of thing but he doesn't inforce them. But what it boils down to is it inconveniences me because we have to find her. In the end, her punishment was 1 week of grounding from her computer and from going places. She spends this weekend with her mom so there are no rules and she can do anything she wants (remember, this is party mom who takes her kids drinking). Since it is a 1 week grounding then next weekend she gets to go spend Halloween with a friend. The grounding from her computer only affects her computer. She can and does use anyone else's (except mine because I bite and my DDs because she bites too).
2) All the kids are assigned chores.SK each vacuum and dust one room. They are supposed to do it every weekend. They are supposed to do it before they go do anything else. This weekend SS didn't come home from school and went to a friend's house then to his Mom's (he called in). SD came home but didn't do her chores and then went to her Mom's. The areas were gross and I complained. I was going to do it but DH beat me to it. That is very rare since I usually have to do the missed chores or if I'm really busy my DD does them. He will probably yell at them a bit when they get home but it will all be empty threats like it usually is. Most likely there will be no punishment.
I believe that giving a kid a warning once with no punishment is fine. But when that is ignored the punishment should be severe enough that they remember it and don't want to go there again. SD not calling in repeatedly means not only should all means of communication be shut off (no myspace/computer/phone/visiting) for 2 weeks but that she really shouldn't be allowed to go anywhere unless it is with the family and it's not something particularly fun and exciting. I wouldn't take this opportunity to take her to a movie but I would take her to visit Grandma. Phone would only be used for calling Mom/Grandma and that type of thing. Not to talk to her friends. If she should need an assignment or something like that the call should be made in front of her Dad and be brief.
As for the missing chores, I think that before the kids are allowed to do any fun thing like play on computers, watch tv or go to a friends, they should have to do their chores. If they don't then their chores next week will be doubled. Doubling will continue until the chores are done. Then the counter starts back at the one assigned chore. I am reasonable. If there is something that is out of the kid's control I wouldn't punish them but hanging out with friends or yacking on myspace is within the kid's control.
My husband says I'm unreasonable. That I treat his kids badly because I expect them to follow rules and do their chores. He says that since his daughter came home at 3:30 yesterday and left at 12 today she didn't have enough time to vacuum one room. BTW, I'm the one who had to take her to her Mom's because Mom can't come get her daughter every weekend. Her son finds someone else to take him over there so he can go on Friday. We never know if Mom is going to show up so SD has to wait until Saturday or until we are going that way.
I raised my kids pretty strictly so I'm wondering if maybe I'm not very reasonable. Do you have your kids do chores? Do you punish them if they break rules? What would you do in these situations? If I'm too harsh maybe I need to change my attitude. Maybe I'm not fair for making his kids vacuum once a week.