And it keeps getting worse for dd....
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| Wed, 01-31-2007 - 11:25pm |
On top of everything going on w/ dd having mono, I think this will be the breaking point of her relationship w/ bf. They have been dating for almost 6mths and I absolutely adore the boy. DD is having a really hard time with the not seeing him part and his parents I guess are taking the her having mono thing pretty bad. DD talked to them on the phone last night and they were joking w/ her and saying they still love her and couldn't hate her etc and dd thought they were okay. Well tonight she was on the phone with bf and I guess mom came down and asked who he was talking to. He told her and I guess they proceeded to "fight". Dd couldn't exactly hear what was said, but she did hear the word mono come up and bf told her his mom said "girls are nothing but trouble." :-/ Needless to say dd was quite upset about this....
Now, there are so many possibilites here and I can't believe his parents are being so closed-minded. I have a pretty good idea who dd contracted hers from, but I couldn't imagine being upset w/ her about it! Stuff happens and I know she didn't purposely set out to get my dd miserably sick!! There's the small chance he is a carrier and gave it to her, etc. But he's the apple of their eye and the star athlete, etc etc Anyway, dd has tried to do everything right. She wasn't feeling good Sunday and she told him so and he insisted on coming over and taking care of her, in fact she was still sleeping when he just showed up. And dd insisted bf tell his parents about the mono so they could be looking for it with him.
She's absolutely torn, because she wants to see him, but doesn't want him to get sick. She gave him the option to break things off and he was dead set against it - and said they were "together forever". She is so stressed about everything with him that she won't rest. She was so tired tonight, but she made herself stay up to talk to him. Even if he doesn't get it initially, I guess dd will still be contagious up to 6mths after she is "healed"? She is so stressed about his parents hating her - she was in tears after she got off the phone with him. She absolutely adores his parents and thought they felt the same for her - now she feels abandoned. She feels as though he's abandoned her but knows why he can't be here....
I know I'm rambling, I'm just so upset for her. He's her first love and I never imagined in my wildest dreams them breaking up over something like this....I don't know if them breaking up is best or her sitting her selfishly wanting him to be here with her and getting upset w/ him for not being here (even though she knows he can't be) is best....she asked my opinion.....I didn't give her an answer either way but to say right now she needs to be selfish and concentrate on herself and her health and not be using up so much of her energy worrying about him.
I couldn't have picked a better first love for dd and I almost think I will be more heartbroken than she will be if this happens....
Any advice or info for me - my minds such a mess....it's hard enough seeing her so sick, now I'm seeing the heartbreak too....


Take deep breaths and just be there for your dd to talk to, lean on, cry on your shoulders, whatever. There is little you can do to change the parent's attitudes overall and nothing you can do to prevent or uphold things between dd and the bf and you already know this.
I was disappointed when my dd broke up with her bf back in September and I finally had an opportunity to speak with his mom at a parent's meeting last month - she too misses my dd and doesn't really care for her son's new gf. It think we as parents take a little comfort in knowing what to expect with the current bf, and not knowing about what's to come can be scary.
I hate that mono got the 'kissing disease' label. Even my dd, who knows better, called a girl in her school a bad name when she contracted mono. I explained to her there are other ways of catching it and she should stop being to judgemental. I'm sorry I didn't see your earlier post on this, so I may be repeating things, but is there no way you could have a discussion with his parents?
Sadly, I don't know his parents. I met his mother briefly at one of their football games and his father is a complete loner like me lol... I thought about dd or I writing a note to his mother? Idk what I would begin to say though....
I've been good, I really have, about just being there and keeping my opinion to myself. On one side of the coin, I completely understand his parents' perspective, but OTOH - if he's gonna get it, hasn't the damage already been done? And if he does get it, does that make my dd a lesser person??
Dd's just going through major withdrawals w/ not being able to see him. They were practically joined at the hip, to where I was beginning to think some space between them wouldn't be a bad thing. I just didn't think it would happen like this!!
Well, ds14 is just getting over his mono, and he's never, ever kissed a girl (nor has he dated anyone yet in any way). So it's not from any physical contact with anyone (my guess is drinking fountain or something like that). Not sure that helps, but it's true.
Sue
When my son had mono I had no idea where he got it from. From my reading about it, it takes 2 weeks after exposure for the symptoms to even appear. If it is any consolation, his girlfriend at the time never caught it, and they were together alot. None of his friends got sick after him. He also recovered fairly quickly. His throat was killing him for about 5 days and then he recuperated dramatically.
I know the feeling of being attached to the daughter's first love....I was that way with my DD's first...he was like a part of the family...and circumstances beyond their control made them separate.(moving far far away) But they are still in touch and even saw each other last summer...so sometimes you just need to let things run their course and it will all work out in the end, even though I know how tough it is to see them hurt. Hope she recuperates as quickly as my son did.