Annoyed...
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| Fri, 03-23-2007 - 8:23pm |
I probably shouldn't be annoyed - Idk, but I am....This is probably one of those things that should stay between dd and her bf.... You guys will tell me, I'm sure...
They have been dating for close to 8 mths now - he pays for the big things - even when dd offers to pay her way. For example, he paid for homecoming tickets, he paid for tickets to a recent benefit ball (that ended up getting postponed due to a winter storm) and he supposedly bought her tickets to Disney on Ice (I say supposedly bc he told both her and I he bought the tickets. I have been asking her which day they are going bc the benefit ball was postponed to about the time as the Ice Show - when I ask dd which day they are going - she says he doesn't know?). He did go all out for her for Christmas and Valentine's (as did she on him) and he built her a Build-A-Bear when she was at her worst during mono. He has paid her way to the movies (with snacks and stuff) and a trip to Dunkin Donuts afterwards once. BTW no he doesn't have a job....
Last week, my lovely dd "offered" bf and his friend R all of our cans (we get the 5 cent refunds) because R needed gas money. I was less than thrilled about that and dd and I went rounds on that one. If R needs gas money for his car - get a job or hey - doesn't he have parents? Damage was done, but she knows where I stand on that issue now. When her bf called later that day he happily tells me "We got $72 for the cans and we didn't even turn all of them in." I was thrilled for him *sarcasm* BTW I didn't ask what the "split" was but dd's bf got some of the cash from the cans as well....
So...Last weekend, dd and bf go to my niece's dance recital. We stopped at BK for something to eat afterwards. DD asks for some cash - bf speaks up lovingly "I've got you covered." Since this is the day after the "can incident", I mutter to myself "ummm okay."
Tonight - they are at the movies. As dd was leaving, I called her on her cell to let her know she only has X amount of money on her debit card. She wasn't concerned as she thinks bf is paying her way. About an hour later she texts me asking how much she has, I again inform her. She wants more... ha guess he wasn't paying after all.
Now...dd has paid his way to numerous movies with snacks. When they go out for Chinese, which is quite often, she ALWAYS pays. I can't even count how many times he has been out to dinner with us, and not at BK lol.
And no, DD, doesn't have a job either - but she has a pretty generous allowance. His family is, by far, much better off than we are...so it's not a matter of the have's and have not's...
Oh, I forgot to add when bf asked dd to buy his best friend (a very pretty girl that dd is friends with but secretly extremely jealous of) a gag thong for her 16th birthday on the internet with her debit card. *this was almost a breaker upper btw* No, it wasn't going to be from both of them. And no he wasn't going to give her the cash for it. DD basically told him he was an idiot and no way (well after a day or 2 of her internal struggle with her jealousy and insecurities.)
Actually, when I say bf bought dd her homecoming ticket that probably isn't fully true - as bf's brother "borrowed" some money from dd to buy his homecoming date a ticket and has yet to pay her back (since October). So that one evened out....
Idk - tonight just really irked me.... I know R and Bf went to bf's house after school to count up more can's to get $$$ before they all went the mall and movies... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it irked dd too and that's why she texted me instead of calling me.....


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Lack of communication describes this relationship to a tee lol - I just sit back and laugh - haha
DD doesn't give it much thought as that's the type of person she is - she would literally give you the shirt off her back and has done so lol...
Too funny - kids....
Daddioe sounds like in your wisdom that you have been in my shoes quite a few times :-p
Boy are you right about teens being a large expense lol! It all evens out in the end - and I don't think he's taking advantage of her, so all is good again...
As it turned out - dd paid for their chinese food at the mall before the movie and bf DID pay for their movie, snacks and dunkin donuts afterwards... oh and tonight he told me the total can money was like $120 lol - sheesh..... Love my daughter that she can just hand over $120..... grrrrrr
Anyway - he's a good guy, I'm not sure what my problem with the everything that night was - just one of those nights?
You are right - the total $$$ involved is rather minimal and it does even out between them.
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The story of my life!! That was my problem I think with the whole thing, but I was wrong lol, although it wasn't his parents that provided the spending money. In their defense - most things these two do are last minute rather than planned out (that lack of communication thing)... Idk his parents have been good to dd and it's not like it's all me. He definitely has spent some bucks on her and I don't mean to sound frivilous haha...
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Ha me too!! He told me the final "payout" amount tonight.... grrrr $120!!! Isn't my dd a sweetheart?? ughhhh
I definitely hear ya! As I've responded in the other posts - I over-reacted to a degree. DD's bf did foot part of the bill (I assume w/ my can money lol) and he/his parent's have done their share in the relationship. We are the same way I guess - before dd got sick we were going to go on vacation and bf was coming with us but then they are going up to their families camp and dd is going with them. And his mom completely spoils dd - not only does dd get gifts from bf she gets them from his mom too. His mom actually calls dd just to chat.
I forgot to add he also gave my very ditzy, forgetful, lose-her-own head dd his very expensive class ring (earlier in the relationship she had his football championship ring and she kept losing it and she gave it back because it made her a nervous wreck!!) - so this brave family does have stuff invested in her as well!! haha
Last summer, when dd had her very low paying job, she spent her money not much differently than now.
There are MANY times, the two of them just sit home and watch tv and play games. They aren't out spending money everytime they are together, I definitely wouldn't be able to afford that! She's been sick for, wow, about 2 months?? This weekend they have been out of the house like that since Christmas time!!
The cans and the gag thong would have me pretty upset.
A couple of years ago DS17 and a very nice guy-friend of his decided to return our cans to get a little cash, and I let him know I consider it stealing, as he did not get our permission ahead of time. Because I usually donate the cans to whomever comes around collecting them, I guess he figured it was okay to pocket the refunds himself. The total they got was <$10, so there was no punishment. But there would've been if it had been $120!
I don't blame your DD for being upset over the thong incident. I'm glad she didn't give in.
DS17 and gf pretty much share expenses. They both have part-time jobs, and gf's parents make her save 90% (wow!), but I think they are more generous than we are when it comes to food/clothing. I know there are times DS has offered to pay for her dinner, and she wouldn't let him. The big school event (prom, winter formal, etc) expenses we usually cover, but otherwise they spend their own money.
From your later posts on this thread it appears that neither your DD nor her bf is trying to take advantage of the other when it comes to footing the bills. If, a few years later, we (both parents and our DDs and DSs) can look back on these relationships and have no regrets about what we contributed, I think we're doing just fine.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
$120!!! Holy Moly! And neither one offered to give you some of the money back after they realized how much you had 'given' them?
I think I'd be reducing amount of $$$ I gave my DD for about 6 months after that! Okay, maybe not six, but at lest 3!
My last take at the redemption center was $51 and I felt like I came across an inheritance from a long-lost uncle. Those kids should be able to make that $120 last a very long time!
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