Antisocial dd, when to worry?? (Long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Antisocial dd, when to worry?? (Long)
20
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:58pm

DD

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 7:38am

frankly i don't understand what you are complaining about. you want her to act immature???

i am of the opinion that we let kids "be kids" for far to long in this country. in other countries at 15 they are making career choices. it wasn't that long ago in this country that at 15 your were preparing for marriage and a family.

i hope my daughter is like yours when she is 15. she sounds very intelligent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:21am

Please, just relax! I think your daughter sounds wonderful so please give her some space and let her have her own high school experience.

I'm not quite sure I understand your post. The fact that she is an excellent student, has joined the band, works part-time, and has a BF and is only 15 sounds like you have nothing to worry about! I don't think she's depressed. She's just a normal 15 year old going through puberty.

You all should watch my absolute favorite teen movie "Ten Things I Hate About You". It sheds some light on how sisters perceive the kids around them. Please relax! And consider yourself very lucky!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:31am

She is very intelligent, and while I don't want her to act immature per se, I would like her to develop tolerance for those who do. Does that make sense? She doesn't see her peers as having any worth because they aren't as driven as she is. She just completely writes them off as a waste of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 9:34am

Lisa, I will definitely look for this movie. And I wanted to clarify the BF, I was referring to her Best Friend, not a boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 10:11am
Sorry, I should have realized about the BF. Also remember, she's only 15. My girls changed quite a lot from 15 to 18 (and beyond). I still would give her space and try not to worry. I don't think you can have any effect on how she perceives people. It's an inherent trait that I don't think can be manipulated. But I would try to teach her to have empathy for others and to try to understand perhaps why others behave the way they do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 11:00am

Tolerance for stupid, immature behaviour? If she finds the other kids annoying, that is her right. My DD was the same way and still is. Most kids her age (male and female) bore her to tears,especially many of the girls. She calls them "Cell Phone" girls. The boys are too interested in boasting.

She "tolerates" them by being polite. She will help if someone asks her but that's it.

Don't stress your daughter by forcing her to fit in. Be thankful she is who she is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 11:30am

I have to echo what most of the other posters already said.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 11:32am

My almost 15 yr old and 21 yr old were like this in high school but it certainly didnt come as a shock to me! They were never super social kids and had no interest in hanging with the popular kids or wearing the in brands.

That would be my question

Is this a change for her?

Or has she always been a bit like this and maybe you were hoping for a change when she began high school and it simply didnt happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:57pm

From one julee to another (but I'm 'julie' with an 'i') I know how easy it is to worry about our teenagers and their social lives. I feel like I worry about mine nearly incessantly! I didn't read all the responses so I apologize in advance if I'm repeating.

It seems that your dd has made a concious decision about who she wants to spend time with. Can you consider this being 'selective', rather than being anti-social? She is chosing to be friends and spend time with someone she likes, trusts, shares similar interests with and possibly, whose values and ethics mirror her own more closely than other kids her age.

If this was a case of her trying hard and just not being able to fit in, it would be different. This is your dd, being who she is at this point in her life.

She is a good student, she's involved in band, she holds her own job and she does have a friend. Think 'quality' as opposed to 'quantity'. One good, true and loyal friend is so much more valuable than a dozen fair-weather, or maybe, sorta, some of the time acquaintances. I think this shows a great deal of integrity on the part of your dd, because let's face it, teenage girls are not always the models of kindness and diplomacy, and the fact that your dd wants no part of it speaks volumes about who she is as a person.

My own dd is a bit like yours. I'm start to thinking she is something of an 'old soul', because she gets irritated with the games, drama and silliness she sees at school. Just a few days ago (maybe even yesterday) she told me that whenever she does something stupid or silly, or draws unnecessary attention to herself, she often regrets it and thinks to herself "What was I thinking? I must have looked so stupid!" I told her that that's what being a teenager is all about; doing things that don't always make sense and seem stupid later. As long as she learned what she DIDN'T want to do, or DIDN'T want be perceived as being, and as long as she didn't put herself in danger or do anything illegal, then it was probably OKAY. Seems like your dd doesn't have to experience these things first-hand to know what she wants or doesn't want.

I think your dd will be fine! Now you just need to try and relax!

HTH,
Julie

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 1:10pm

Ok, you're making me feel better about this and I definitely need to quit worrying as it won't do any good!


Windrush: This is how she's been forever, I guess I was just expecting her to come out of her shell when she got older.


Iteadrinker: Your DD sounds very similar. May I ask how old she is? I think perhaps DD will thrive socially in college if she's among like-minded, driven students there.


I suppose I keep thinking something is "wrong" with her

Pages