Any single moms?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Any single moms?
14
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 10:16am

I am not sure if this is the right place for this post or not. The single mom board seems to be mostly moms of younger kids...

This just seems so hard lately. My oldest dd 16, is really a "good" kid. But, in the last couple of months has really grown into a full blown teenager! She reallly used to tell me most everything, now I feel she is holding so much more back, all of her friends are drinking, and she is becoming more and more curious about that, and I am not sure she hasn't tried it. Her boyfriend is becoming more serious. She is a dancer, and very involved with that, which I always thought was a good thing, now it seems as if a lot of the friends there are also drinking all the time, etc. I know a lot of this is "normal behavior" for teens.

Most of her friends have 2 parent families. I just feel sooooo overwhelmed lately, and have no one to turn to! At least when there is a dh at home, there is someone else to wait and worry with. Or, to make decisions with. I feel like every move I make is wrong. I guess I just feel like it is ALL on me. AND, it would be so easy for her to go down the wrong path. She is a junior, and this is such an important time in school. She was so ambitious a year ago, now it seems to be slowly slipping away!

Anyone else in the same boat? It just seems like these are hard enough times, but, doing it alone makes it that much harder! I feel like am going to explode!

Thanks! Jennifer

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
In reply to: ijennn
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 9:43pm

Hi,

I can totally relate to what you said. I am really a single mom. Have been since her birth, physically, spiritually, financial, emotionally, etc. All of her friends moms stay at home and have two parents.

My daughter is 15-1/2 and I am experiencing the same things as you are. Grades dropping, friends that are having sex, attitude less than respectful, irresponsible, unaware of what it takes to run a household - work, chores, bills, etc.

My girlfriends all have little kids so they have NO CLUE about the unique problems of teens.

I don't know if I have any advice, but I did make a big decision today.....I decided that I CAN'T DO IT ALL by myself anymore. I had a long discussion with my daughter and told her that it is time to find her a counselor. She doesn't think anything is wrong. But as you view the boards, I read a page in her diary and something is definitely wrong. She has changed so much - and not for the more positive.

Whatever you do, take care of yourself too. You need compassion and a support system as well. If you want to chat outside of this post, shoot me an email if you'd like.

Sending hugs your way,
M-




Edited 12/4/2006 9:47 pm ET by dancegirl2
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: ijennn
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 9:19am

Hi ,
Let me just say that I completely understand how you feel. I have a 13 year and 11year old daughters that are driving me crazy. It is so overwhelming sometimes I feel like I want to run away from home...lol Wow a 16 is a tough age. I remember from my own experience. I was raised by a single mom and boy was i a hand full. I try to be the "cool" mom so they can talk to me but at the same time I am the MOM and let me tell you I feel like a bad guy all the time. If I'm not on them they won't do anything. I work all day come home, help with homework, cook dinner and TRY to keep my place clean but most of the time it's me arguing with them. I go to bed emotionally exhausted and feeling like I can't possibly be a good mom. Do you feel like that too sometimes? Today i told them we are having a family meeting because I honestly feel like I'm losing it, something needs to change. As far as your daughter goes just be watchful because my mom gave me a lot of freedom and I abused it . I mean kids are goig to kids but these are scary times considering how much more information the kids today have. Drop me a line, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Mikkii

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: ijennn
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 10:01am
I am also a sginke mom w/ two DDs (11 yo and 15 yo) and an ex who they see every weekend but their weekends usually consist of my 15 yo out at the mall/movies etc w/her friends and my 11 yo stuck in the house b/c ex never does anything with them. Anyway, my 15 yo DD is actually a good kid but there are times (more now than ever!) when naything I say seems to bring out the snotty looks, attitude eyes rolling etc... and when I call her on her behavior, she says I am too critical that I take offense at everything. I know I get angry and often do snap back but it really is so frustrating! I do find that going in my own room and reading a magazine or doing something relaxing for a while has saved some major arguments. I hope you find a way to destress, it is hard knowing all the decisions re on you. Take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
In reply to: ijennn
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:33pm
oh yes!! i just joined. i am a single mom of a 14 year old girl. my ex is a jerk. no support for me, just trashing me. i posted a post just now about her going to a movie to meet her boyfriend behind my back.
i feel all your feelings. i haven't read any of the responses yet, but i am in what feels like a sinking boat too!

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