Approaching "the talk"
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| Wed, 03-14-2007 - 3:54pm |
I know I have been remiss about having the sex talk with my DD. I've tried to broach the subject when things come up, but I haven't been nearly direct enough about it. I've been reading some of the recent posts, and I'm determined to do it ASAP. I know she'll resist and won't give me much credit for knowing anything. I thought maybe I could ease into the topic if there was some sort of movie that has to do with teen sex or teen pregnancy. Can anyone think of anything recent? I'm drawing a blank.
Of course, I'll just bring it up otherwise. When do you others do this? It's hard to get some time alone to discuss this here at home. Do you talk in the car? At the mall?? Do you go out to lunch? (Can you tell that my mother and I never had this talk?!) Thanks.

I watch the big 3 TV channels and Fox but I know networks like WB have a lot of teen shows. DS2 used to watch 7th Heaven. I suspect just about any episode of those would spur some discussion
I use posts from Ivillage boards to start discussions a lot!! Most of these discussions are held at the dinner table but no, I dont think that would be the place for what you are looking for. Still, with all boys and a DH, if anyone is going to be embarassed, it's me so we have had some sexual ones over dinner
First time out? the car might be a better choice
"I watched Oprah today and she said oral sex is common in junior high...what do you think?"
I guess I always start with something I heard or read, ask their opinion and then give mine.
The sex talk we had at home, near bedtime, many many many times over the years. It isn't one talk...it's a culmination of topics and discussions.
The talks we have in the car are usually topics that I don't want them to be able to run out on, such as something in particular like information I gained through a friend of a friend or an incident at school or a party, etc.
When a discussion about sex is pretty much concluded, I like to be at home so I can leave my dd's room and she has time to digest. I wouldn't want to have that discussion over lunch at the mall or while driving in the car to a place, kwim? It's nice when it takes place at home, surrounded by our normal everyday comforts, especially if it's the first time.
Best of luck. Personally, I suggest getting some age appropriate reading materials from the bookstore or pamphlets from your DR. Kids also like pictures/drawings, so don't shy away from them - they sometimes learn easier visually.
Check out Lifetime t.v.
Rose
The car is always a good place. Out for lunch would be very awkward. We had most of our talks at home on the stairs. This way DD could stare out the window instead of look at me. She rarely talked back but she heard everything I said - it's sex, after all.
Our first talk came after some comment she made during an argument about something and she said I just don't get you - you adults always say don't do this, don't do that, don't do drugs, don't have sex but you never bother to tell us why! I was shocked! She was 15 so we sat down and I proceeded to tell her why. Then I made a point to remind her of why every few months after that. Seventh Heaven was always a good show to get discussions going for us.
I also set up a sex ed program at our church for the teens - we literally had a woman come in and talk about sex (everything). The first night was the mechanics, nicknames for body parts, etc. The second night was physical consequences and the third night was emotional consequences and how to say no. This program was followed up a few months later by a panel discussion of college students who are all abstinent. Some were virgins and some were not. They explained their choices and the effects it had had on their lives and their relationships. This program made a huge difference to some of the kids - my DD included! It was after this program that she decided to become abstinent. Her b/f didn't like it but he respected it. Many communities have programs such as these. You might look for one and talk to DD about going. This does not take the burden off you but it makes it a little easier.
Good luck!
Our pastor had major reservations with this at first but I convinced her to at least let the parents make the decision. She agreed and all but one of the parents were 100% behind it. I never did understand the one that wasn't supportive (she's a supervisor for Dept of Human Services working primarily with foster parents and abused children) but she choose to just keep her son at home on those days which wasn't hard since she usually had to force him to come anyway.