Attached at the Hip Teen Relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Attached at the Hip Teen Relationships
30
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 3:28pm

Well, C shared a little bit last night that shed even more light onto her current mental state.

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 3:42pm
My DD was "attached at the hip" to her first bf last year. No matter how many times I told her to make time for her girlfriends, it fell on deaf ears. She ended up getting pretty hurt when that relationship broke up. Now, after being "single" for about 6 or 7 months, she has a very nice new bf and they both make a point of spending plenty of time with their own separate friends. I know that doesn't help you very much, but it's too bad that your DD's friends haven't gained this same perspective. Do her friends' bfs have part-time jobs or other commitments, when the girls might be free to get together w/ your DD without it being a couples thing?? In my DD's case, her bf has a part-time job at a supermarket and he has other extracurricular activities that leave her loads of time to socialize w/ her girlfriends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 5:09pm

That's too bad for your DD, and for the attached ones. 16/17 is way too young to get seriously attached.

Both of our sons had "gfs" in HS, and the older one was more attached than the younger, but they almost NEVER had couples-only events. I put the gfs in quotes cuz even though DS18 "went out" with C for 3 years, they always seemed more like just good buddies. Some of DS18's friends even went solo to prom, but joined the couples for dinner, and they all danced together. There've got to be other kids who always hang around in groups rather than in pairs--can't believe it's only a midwestern phenomenon. Hope she finds those other kids soon. Maybe she could try sitting at a different table in the cafeteria.

DS24 is now quite attached, and I feel like kicking my sister's SO who keeps saying DS24 is too young, and that he needs to test the waters. We are very happy with his gf, and I am very ready to be a grandmother; after a wedding, of course!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 5:29pm

(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Julie... :)


I read your other post the other day...tried to respond but silly 'puter :(


Max tends to attach at the hip with GF's, but so do most of his friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 6:56pm

Well good news is she knows what she wants ie she doesn't want a bf just for the sake of having one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 7:24pm

You know, it 's funny, L's school seems to NOT be like this, or at least her grade. Right now, none of her close friends (boys or girls) are in relationships - I think I've heard of one or two couples that she talks about. And, the one attached-at-the-hip couple (who were driving L nuts) just broke up because the boy wanted more time with his friends. Based on some of the discussions and crushes, I think at least some of her girlfriends will have BFs by the end of the year, but it's not a big priority.

It's so sad for C to be caught in the middle like this - I'm sure her friends mean well, but it's so hard to balance. I remember in HS breaking up with a boy because he didn't want me to hang with my bff, and he was shocked that I would choose her over him - but she's still a close friend, and I can't even remember his name LOL.

Sending C some (((HUGS))), and hoping she finds some folks to hang with or that her gf's find a way to balance bf and bff.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 7:59pm

Maybe over the holiday break, C could host a girlfriend get together. Maybe have them over for lunch or something, watch a girl movie. She's the Man or Mean Girls, Princess Diaries or Step Up or something where they can all droll over the hot guy that is the lead and joke and be silly.


This is such a difficult situation for her to be in. I know Kelsie has had times when most of her "group" are attached and she isn't. It can be very difficult, but she just kept hanging in there and trying to do things with the group.


Do any of these couples hang out in a group or do they tend to just go out as couples? If they are all in the same group as friends, C should be able to hang with them all and when one of the couples breaks up she won't be the "only" single one.


Luckliy Kelsie has always been smart enough to realize that these high school romances are probably not going to lead to a life long comittment, but some girls think it will last forever. In reality most of them are a matter of months long.


I hope things work out for C and that some of the girls realize that having a really good girlfriend is very important too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 8:12pm

N & T were pretty joined at the hip the first 8 or 9 months they were together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 8:38pm

Been through this with both the older boys. It DOES pass but they are lost while it is in full swing

DS2 did become a lot friendlier with M2 when M1 got attached at the hip with his GF(yes, both his best buddies have the same first name). M2 is more like DS in that respect.

I know DS was a little put out when M1 'dumped him' for the girl, but, once the fire calmed a bit, they spent time together again so it's clearly not worth leaving a friend over but certainly a good time to perhaps find another to add to the mix

I agree with having her invite some girls over for something special and maybe some different ones. They dont have to be BFF ;)

FWIW, it does seem that my boys, who got into realtionships on the late side, have fairly mature relationships. I always worried about that. I thought they'd be dating for the first time at 19 but acting 14 or something. They might be a bit clumsy in the ways of relationships(or so DS2's GF says)but I haven't had the 'typical high school stuff' that drives adults crazy.

So its kinda nice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 10:42pm

It's weird that they don't hang out in groups more but maybe it's the age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 11:54pm

Thanks all, for the good thoughts and encouragement.

 

 

 

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