Awww, CRAP-Coroner was just here

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Awww, CRAP-Coroner was just here
13
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 6:08pm

I'm as serious as I can be and I'm not sure what to do with this. Apparently I was listed as the only "family" to this man that I haven't been a "partner" with since before OUR DD was born- yep, my youngest, the one still at home. The older 2 have the same dad.


DD seems ok just now, they have never been close due to his off and apparently back on drug abuse. But I know it will sink in eventually. I, on the other hand, am absolutely in SHOCK. I can only imagine I was listed somewhere as a "contact" because our DD is his only child. They didn't even know he has a brother and mom in the area. I felt I had to call the SIL that the mom lives with because police going to the door will kill mom. Now I'm just waiting- for what, I don't know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 8:01pm
this happened to my dd friend! she wasnt close to her dad either! she was ok until her mom made it into a big deal!!! now its her excuse for everything! not saying that will happen but i think jst play it by ear let your dd show you the road! since they wasnt close jst let her know your
Community Leader
Registered: 06-27-2006
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 8:10pm
Oh my goodness. Wow, what a shock and surprise that had to be. I agree that you should let your DD lead this one. Offer your ears for support, and be there for her. Hugs to you, Mom, and keep us posted.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 9:18pm

Wow, that is shocking. Tonight I was just thinking that I wonder if I will be contacted (& by whom) if my 2nd exH dies, which is a good possibility since he has cancer & the last time I saw him (a couple of weeks ago) he said he was going to have chemo. We don't have any kids together--he has a DD who is 20 & she & I never talk. However he & I still own the house together. I wonder if any of his family members would tell me or if they would just forget and assume that I know.

Well I do hope that your DD will be ok--even though they didn't have a relationship, he was still her dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 12:27am

This is really hard. I never would have thought it. I came here a few days ago...just why I don't really know. I LOVE my solitude but saw a clip on the front of the "message board" page and thought, "I have a teen, maybe I'll fit in here". I never would have dreamed that something would come up that was "new" to me.


My DD is doing ok right now. She is upset that her BF of almost 2 years thinks she is "cold and hard" because she isn't crying and "acting like a girl". What does that mean?


NOW I finally question all I have done wrong - what the hell does "acting like a girl" MEAN? We have been a family of GIRLS for a long time. I am the one that taught them to fish, drive, cook, shoot, self defence, ummm...I don't know what else! I have never been "fluffy" so I just taught my girls what I know. I don't even know why I care what the BF thinks, except that it hurts her when she needs her friends to be FRIENDS.


I'll get a grip and come back in the morning. I also know that this boy has been raised by a single mom, him and 2 brothers, so I can't really fault him either. He IS a good kid, nice boy, but has never been in a similar situation. He also has a relationship with his dad even though long distance, so he really has no idea.


Geez, I'm losing it here. Please pray for my girl if you do that, I know it will help her. It's starting to get in her head what this all means.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 7:37am
this would throw me into shock as well.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 10:11am
Her BF probably doesn't understand what it's really like not to have a relationship w/ a parent. As far as "acting like a girl" tell him it's the 21st century and girls aren't all helpless weak people any more, if they ever were. Good for you for teaching your girls all that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:02pm

DD seems ok just now, they have never been close due to his off and apparently back on drug abuse. But I know it will sink in eventually


I totally understand the shock, in an unfortunate BTDT way. My ex died last year, which was a complete shock (he was healthy, just had an EKG, did triathalons)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 11:25pm
Thank you Theresa, I can only hope yours was smart enough to have a will and that he didn't have leaching vultureous parents. I have a newer post about my stupidity. He has always made it very clear to all if something should happen to him he wanted his only child to have whatever there might be. That didn't and won't be happening because I "did the RIGHT thing". I hope his parents rot in hell SOON. Yesterday couldn't be soon enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 12:18pm

I can only hope yours was smart enough to have a will and that he didn't have leaching vultureous parents


Well, yes and no. He had a will, but left everything to his new wife and their two children. Although I don't begrudge them anything, I'm sad that our two girls were left with nothing. It was especially difficult, because older dd was in college and younger dd starts college this fall. He was supposed to be paying half, and continuing child support through college due to the high expenses associated with older dd's chronic illness. I was also supposed to share his federal pension, but I didn't have survivorship rights. It actually was a huge hassle to get the federal paperwork done

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 2:28pm

I'm so sorry Theresa. Similar here as far as no rights because our DD is a minor- and no paperwork. If there is any, we will never know because guess who removed it all? I'm only biting my tongue at this point because the ONLY thing of "worth" (ha) that they didn't remove is an old truck he had bought specifically for her 16th B-day (Nov.25) ONLY because they didn't find the key. WE found the key and I drove it home but there is no paperwork to be found on it. If they hold out on that too- I just don't know. And yes, at least his mom admitted she also knows that the junk truck was for my DD. At least it runs.


I can't even get SSsurvivors for her from what I understand but I'll have to try to do something about that Monday maybe. I just don't know what I'm going to do now. If it was the older girls' dad- well they are adults and out of my house. But THIS girl had ambitions of college among...I guess YOU KNOW how it is.


Thank you. I'll be gone until tomorrow I think, my oldest asked if I could stay with GS (3) while they go to a company party for her hubby. You don't know how much your commiseration helps me. Or maybe you do.

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