Back with fear of what b/f is doing
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| Fri, 08-24-2007 - 10:49am |
I hate to sound complaining, but..... This is an update to my post of 8/23/07 about having a bad feeling about b/f being in first year of oollege. I never said a word to my dd and thought it was just an overactive imagination.
Well I got an IM from my good friend who dd was a good friend of my dd in high school. She asked me if you dd and b/f broke up and I said no. Her dd was on the computer last night and said there were pictures of dd b/f at a party. And he was in a couple of pictures with girls hugging and sitting on their beds. I am sick. I have no proof that this was nothing more than freshman moving in day parties.
I do however, know his password to Facebook, dd knows it too. I got on, what he did was untag them from his page, but they are on the girls page and I saw them cause my friend told me whose page they were on. Dd probably won't see them, and apparently he did not want her too.
Will not tell my dd, do I talk to him about this. He and I are pretty close, they have been together for 3 years. I know his immaturity is not an excuse, but he is so immature. He does not stop to think any consquences that his actions will have. I know if dd sees the pictures, she will go nuts on him, and maybe break up with him. Which right now is sounding pretty good. They were talking about getting engaged, maybe for Christmas. Need to know what is in this young man's head before dd gets completely bowled over.
I really wish she was young enough right now that dh and I could forbid her to see him.
That is not an option, she will be 20 in a month.
Sick about this
Andie

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I do not take offense to what you are saying, I know that you are right. But perhaps some background. I have seen that you have health problems with your son. I hope all is well with him.
We have had some problems with dd also, anxiety and depression. She has seen a therspist and they are talking about putting her on an anti depressant, but they are hesitant to do that because of her age. That is my fear with this relationship. When they did break up before, we watched her very closely. I know all teens have their dramatic moments, but I felt it was a little more than a threat that she said she did not know if she go on.
Very emotional child mine is, always has been. It is not just him that she has problems dealing with, kind of life in general sometimes.
Again, my fear is for her mental stability. I am not gonna say anything, just did not want you to think I was completely out of my mind, my fears are somewhat founded.
Keep us in your prayers that she finds peace within herself and perhaps the courage to set out on her own.
Thanks
Andie
Very glad to hear that he is getting better. I am sorry to hear that he had those feelings, that can be very scary. You just want to hold them and never let them go. I'm sure he needed the depression medicine in that case.
I really think she could be helped with some medication. I feel they are leaning toward it. She also has womanly health problems which does not help this at all. I myself take Prozac for depression and Menopause. It has helped with some of symptoms of both.
God bless and have a great day!
Andie
DS2 went off to college last year in a committed relationship to J. I would have preferred he went unattached-nothing against J-just think he should have had what I would consider the full experience of freshman year
Anyway, to the best of my knowledge, he remained true to her and she to him. This doesnt mean they didnt socialize and go to parties at their respective colleges. I know he hung out with a group in the dorm and, being a co-ed dorm, there were both sexes. I can fully see someone snapping pics in a dorm room-with camera phones these days, I think its second nature for these kids! And beds are often the only seating in dorm rooms
I heard of one incident where J did some making out with some guy while drunk at a sorority party and was consumed with guilt, confessed to DS who was somewhat angry but not over the top, and life went on. They are still together(now attending the same local community college-also not my first choice and also not my call)
So he is IMO acting like a perfectly normal college student(I wouldnt even go with 'immature' myself). If that picture would make your dd 'go nuts on him', I would have more concerns about her(and I understand you do have some concerns there and maybe it is time to act on stabilizing her moods)
BTW I wasn't upset with J when DS shared about her 'slip up'; he chose to share when I simply asked "How are things going with J and the sorority?" I don't know if I would have felt differently if DS had been devastated(which he wasnt, at least at the time I heard about it)
I doubt it though; they're not married
Andie,
As hard as the prospect of them breaking up might seem due to your concerns for your daughters emotional well-being. I personally think that breaking up with this boy or him breaking up with her might be a blessing in discise as it sounds like becomming engaged or even married before she works through some of her own issues might just lead to even more problems or heartbreak. Just my thoughts, and I know how hard it is to just "sit and wait" for your child to "hit rock bottom". Keeping you in my thoughts,
Julie
Andie,
I know how easy it is to be over involved in a relationship you dd is having.
You need to step back and keep an eye on dd's emotional state and watch for danger signs, but you just can't determine what will happen with this relationship. Getting into his facebook and so forth is only torturing yourself. You see these things and think the worst and jump to conclusions. Maybe your dd already knows what the pics are of, you never know. They may have already talked and he could have told her that he was at a party or what ever.
Andie, for your own good, back off from doing any more snooping and try to focus on other things.
Kristie
Re: meds
My other sons GF(not the one in the prior post)apparently had some ugly mood swings. She also had difficulty learning/focusing at the college level. She tried several anti anxiety/anti depressant meds and wow! found one that was amazing(I dont recall the name)
We 'discovered' this going out to dinner with them one evening. She was up and chatty(not hyper)-very focused and even keel. Even DH, who doesnt notice squat, said something to me afterwards. When I said something complimentary to DS1, he told me about the meds
She is trying college again this fall and I am rooting big time that the positive effects carry over into her studies
Her mom also takes Prozac-started for a very specific reason(menopause?)and decided she just does better with it.
In light of all of this, I am thinking that I may talk to my dd about going back to the doctor and seeing if maybe an anti depressant may help. It could change her outlook and possibly give me some peace of mind if I see her in a more stable mood.
Thanks much,
Have a great day
Andie
OMG Andie....you hacked into a kids account? And found out the facebook that had the offending pics? And talked to an acquaintance about what happened at a party with your dd's bf??? Andie??? I'm going to say this and please, please don't take this the wrong way but...get a life Andie.
I mean that in the best way, get YOUR own life Andie. This is your dd's life and this young man's life. Let them find their own way. Don't interfere. If the worst happens and she comes to you for advice and help then be there for her. But what you are doing is likely to CREATE problems vs solve them.
A little information is dangerous. You don't know the whole story.
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