To be strict or not to be strict?
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To be strict or not to be strict?
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 4:22pm |
OK, some of you may remember me as a married dad of 1 DD, 5 DS. Our DD (17, also oldest) now has her first "serious" bf of around 6 weeks and is totally obsessed with that (1-2 hours on phone or more if also on AIM) plus seeing him every time she goes out of the house since they've been together. 2 weeks ago she was came home smelling of alcohol (first time ever caught, probably first time she ever did it with the possible exception of sleepovers at others houses). She admitted drinking to both my wife and I (seperately, we both thought the other would flip and wanted to break the news softly to the other) and since she admitted and seemed very remourseful the was NO punishment at all. We've always been very tough on lying and wanted to back up out policy of being truthful. Last weekend she come home again smelling of alcohol and saying no one was drinking finally admitted the bf was drinking and she must now smell bc of him. We still believe she was drinking again (because he smell was so bad) and because of the lie and our belief she was still lying grounded her for the remainder of last weekend plus this coming weekend, and when that's done she may only be allowed to have people over to our neighborhood where she can't get into trouble too much.
Now my 15 yo DS has shown me pictures of DD's friends on MS holding 40 oz bottles of Hurricane (6 or 8% alcohol for $2 a bottle), including the girls who usually drive my DD around. I think he actually did this out of concern rather than trying to bury her.
I'm afraid that if I attempt to ban her from these friends it'll backfire big time, but if I allow her to go with them (after her punishment) she could be dead before summer is done.
In our drinking discussions, I've told her that drinking w the bf who is so serious so fast may lead to real bad decisions, but she says there's "no way" that anything like "that" will happen.
I too, like so many other posters are LOST! My wife's attitude is nearly what happens will happen no matter what, and she needs to learn some things for herself. I realize that the best lessons are usually learned on your own, but I don't want her to be dead (or pregnant) in the process. Any help??
btw-DD just finished jr. year and is a good student, started working 8 hour days the day after school ended last week, so she "typically" is a good girl. I also told her that she should prob get on BC just IN CASE somehow something like "that" might happen, she still insists no, and stated she wouldn't take it if we got it for her.
thx in advance for the replies!
Now my 15 yo DS has shown me pictures of DD's friends on MS holding 40 oz bottles of Hurricane (6 or 8% alcohol for $2 a bottle), including the girls who usually drive my DD around. I think he actually did this out of concern rather than trying to bury her.
I'm afraid that if I attempt to ban her from these friends it'll backfire big time, but if I allow her to go with them (after her punishment) she could be dead before summer is done.
In our drinking discussions, I've told her that drinking w the bf who is so serious so fast may lead to real bad decisions, but she says there's "no way" that anything like "that" will happen.
I too, like so many other posters are LOST! My wife's attitude is nearly what happens will happen no matter what, and she needs to learn some things for herself. I realize that the best lessons are usually learned on your own, but I don't want her to be dead (or pregnant) in the process. Any help??
btw-DD just finished jr. year and is a good student, started working 8 hour days the day after school ended last week, so she "typically" is a good girl. I also told her that she should prob get on BC just IN CASE somehow something like "that" might happen, she still insists no, and stated she wouldn't take it if we got it for her.
thx in advance for the replies!

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DD goes to a small college prep school, about 140 girls in her class, so in her 3 years there and several before when a neice was there we have never heard of any deaths to scare her away from the drinking. Honestly, I fully expected her to drink underage at some point. I've always warned about drinking and driving or being driven by a drinker. The neighbor is exactly one week older than her, and he has already been dui'ed 2 times. I don't even think he has a valid license anymore, yet he still drives his new car every day. She has never been allowed to drive with him anywhere, even if they were headed to the same school dance.
She actually told dw that bf was "pissed" that dd was grounded! OMG! The nerve of this kid. I told her that she should tell him to let him known that her father is "pissed" that he was out drinking with dd! That conversation didn't end well last night. I made the mistake of talking to her when I was mad that she doesn't see they (bf and his frd) don't respect her (see prev post about frd jerking the car towards her as she walked around it, then the boys both laughed). She went to bed by 8pm, didn't come downstairs until 8:45am to be dropped off at work to start at 9am. Not one word on the way, she is more thick headed than her mother lol.
Anyway, I've decided to finish this weekend out being grounded and then allow her to have friends over for a few days. Maybe I'll be more confortable once I know them a little better (since I don't know them at all now), and maybe bf will grow some manners and act like a "normal" person. Unfortunately, dd really can work the old man and make him feel bad sometimes. I already know we aren't done with this whole issue, but I'm going to have to try to trust her, and let go a little, if we're ever going to get back to the type of relationship we had.
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