Being shut out
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 04-03-2007 - 2:19pm |
Do teens wake up one day and decide that everything in their lives is sacred to them and parents don't belong?
Excuse me for not knowing but this is my first go-around with a teenager! We have always been close and talked about everything. But lately, I am being shut out. I guess it's expected for the next few years. She only tells me and talks about things now only if she wants to. BTW she's 13 and will be 14 in October.
I had read somewhere where she wrote that she could never trust certain friends again due to a secret getting out. I mentioned it to her and she snapped at me, " Some things parents don't need to know." and disappeared into her room. She allows me to know what she wants me to and nothing more. I guess this is normal. Now that I think about it there was a lot I never told my mom. I think I did not become "close friends" with mine until I became a young adult. You want your kids to be able to share everything with you but realisticly they may not at this age. She spends a lot of time in her room now and we don't see her much. But when we do hang out doing whatever we still have lots of fun.
So is this normal behavior for a teenage girl? I guess wanting to know everything is out of the question. When I ask if I can give her advice about something she just rolls her eyes and says, "sure" LOL....
There are boundaries that she has put up that I don't want to cross. I feel that I can trust her and don't want her to lose her trust in me.
But this was just my vent and whine. Anyone else going thru this or has?
__________________

Pages
In the throes of it right now with ds14.5 (freshman). Wasn't much of an issue til this year, but man, now 99% of his life just is no longer my business unless he chooses to tell me, and it's in his own time. I can't say I'm used to it yet, but it's getting a bit better (not that he's opening up THAT much more yet). I hear it changes in a couple of years...I sure hope so. I can definitely commiserate.
Sue
<>
Yup, that's pretty much how it goes.
Edited 4/3/2007 2:50 pm ET by kel7col4
Ditto what the other posters have said. Yes, BOTH my dds started this right around 14 or so. Probably a little younger with my now 17dd. My 19dd is pretty much over it, though there are times when I still feel shut out - she's just not so obvious about shutting me out and since she's at college, I don't notice as much. My 17dd just said the other night, "mom, no offense, but this isn't for your ears" and closed the door on me (she and her BFF were inside her room!). LOL -
I have to add here that as they get older and mature, they will come back to you. Unless you suspect some foul play or dangerous goings on, allow her this time to keep things to herself or only share with her friends. YOU ARE NOT HER FRIEND and she will confide in you less and less if you react to every little thing. It's hard, so very hard at times, but it's a good thing for you to let this go and for her to lean on her friends for the day to day drama of being a teen. Believe me, half the little teen drama that takes place, you don't want to know about anyway! It changes minute by minute anyway. I wish I hadn't been so eager to know things about my dds at times. But I digress. lol.
It's healthy for her to have boundaries for herself.
Oh, yeah - I can relate!
Pages