Being shut out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Being shut out
15
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 2:19pm

Do teens wake up one day and decide that everything in their lives is sacred to them and parents don't belong?

Excuse me for not knowing but this is my first go-around with a teenager! We have always been close and talked about everything. But lately, I am being shut out. I guess it's expected for the next few years. She only tells me and talks about things now only if she wants to. BTW she's 13 and will be 14 in October.

I had read somewhere where she wrote that she could never trust certain friends again due to a secret getting out. I mentioned it to her and she snapped at me, " Some things parents don't need to know." and disappeared into her room. She allows me to know what she wants me to and nothing more. I guess this is normal. Now that I think about it there was a lot I never told my mom. I think I did not become "close friends" with mine until I became a young adult. You want your kids to be able to share everything with you but realisticly they may not at this age. She spends a lot of time in her room now and we don't see her much. But when we do hang out doing whatever we still have lots of fun.

So is this normal behavior for a teenage girl? I guess wanting to know everything is out of the question. When I ask if I can give her advice about something she just rolls her eyes and says, "sure" LOL....

There are boundaries that she has put up that I don't want to cross. I feel that I can trust her and don't want her to lose her trust in me.

But this was just my vent and whine. Anyone else going thru this or has?
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Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jymee
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 3:03pm
Ha - wow! I rode horses all my life and that was always my mother's "me and her time". As much as I loved the horses, once I reached 14 I think I had a heck of an inner struggle - horses or social life. It was definitely a yo-yo time. I quit riding quite a few times in those years (I did 3 day eventing and dressage).... I know my mom really missed me those times I quit...



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: jymee
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 3:09pm
Wow Kel...then you def. know. LOL. She belongs to a mounted drill team. They do two shows a year and she as been on the team for 2 years. She goes every wed. for practice. I guess if she ever says she don't want to be in it anymore, I can start worrying. But she still looks forward to it. I just have to get out there and ride with her. She wants to ride with me so bad but I am struggling with fear issues. Learning to ride as an adult is way different than beong a kid and learning. But this may be the kick in the pants I need to stay connected to her and ride.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: jymee
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 4:43pm
Chiming in late here but yes the 'pulling away' is normal at this age.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: jymee
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 5:23pm

I went through a period like that with my dd when she was 13 also. It took about a year of me watching, not being too "in her face" and alot of praying, but she has since come out of it. She's now 15 1/2, going to be 16 in July, and she's pretty upfront with me about much of her life. I know there are still things I don't know, but her grades are good, she respects the house rules, she does her chores around the house, she's polite and respectful, and her boss at her part time job (15 hours a week) speaks very highly of her, so I don't push about the things I don't know. If all of those positives started to change, I'd probably be more "in her face" but at this point, I don't see a need to. She honestly tells me things that really surprise me, and I once overheard her counseling a friend that "my mom is the only person I know I can 100% trust" - this when her friend was having problems with her own mother.

Your DD will be back eventually, this is just the beginning of her growing her wings and testing her independence - and it will be an ongoing process until she has a home and kids of her own. ;) You're so right, about really becoming friends with your kids when they hit 20-something. I always thought I had a close relationship with my DSs, but that was nothing compared to what we have now.
Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: jymee
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 5:39pm
Thank You Rose. There is just something so special about that young adult/parent relationship and I know it will come someday.

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