b/f parents unpredictable
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| Mon, 10-30-2006 - 7:41am |
My daughter's b/f parents are very nice people. They treat her very well and she is for all purposes included as one of the family. They have been together over 2 years. She is 19 and he 18. She is in her first year of college and only about 20 minutes away from home. He is in his senior year and has picked a college and they have offered a nice scholarship that is only about 40 minutes away. This is the way they wanted it, to be close together. They have talked marriage.
He received a scholarship offer from a school that is really far away. This scholarship would not pay even close to what he would need to go there, compared to the college he has picked which will pay for half. My daughter, who has a bit of a self esteem problem, seems to think that his parents want him to go far away so maybe this relationship will fizzle out. His mom had an attitude last night when he flat out told her to throw out the letter to the college that is 5 hours away. His parents are very controling of him in every aspect and they just think he is the greatest kid in the world, and he is, but I do know some things that would bring him down a peg, just as all teenagers have faults.
My daughter asked what I thought, I am just truely am not sure. She said she could not handle a long distance relationship, even though that makes her sound selfish. She thinks it is her, I do not want to believe that these people are that shallow that they will just keep thinking, well my son could do better. My daughter wants him to speak up for himself and say, I don't want to go far away to school, which he does not. He sorta did last night when he told her to throw away that offer from that school.
Any ideas how to approach my daughter with this.
Andie

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I'm going to toss my 2 cents in here a little late.
Thank you so much for the story, that really helped. Hopefully it doesn't come to a point that the parents force him, I personally don't think it will. This college that is further away is not a better college and they are offering him less of a scholarship. His mom is a teacher and likes to make her voice heard, often!!! The closer college is a fabulous college for his major and they want him to play football, he lives for that. They still are seperated through the week, they only see each other on weekends and not every weekend. And if he goes to the school of his choice, they will only see each other on Sundays, but they want to work with that. He will be travling with the football team and she will only be able to attend home games. She actually will have her assoc degree in nursing in two years and will start working and taking classes to receive her bachelors.
I will relay your story to my daughter. I think she knows they can make a go of it, all this grownup stuff is just a little scary for all young adults!!! I think if I point this all out to her, she will see that if they truely want to be together, it can work. If it is not meant to be, it won't no matter what!
Thank you so much,
Andie
Personally, I think it's hard to keep any HS relationship going when kids go off to college, unless they happen to be attending the same college. They simply meet too many new people and are exposed to many new ideas.
I would tell your daughter that if her boyfriend chooses the distant college because of his parents' pressuring him, then she would never want them as inlaws. If he chooses it on his own, then he either does not really love her, or he knows that his love for her is strong enough that they can stay together despite their being apart physically. Only time would tell.
Let her know that NOW is the time she can socialize most, with the greatest number of friends. Once she graduates and has all the responsibilities of a working adult, there will be less time to meet new people. (I have a friend whose 25 yo daugher is struggling with that now, 2 years out of college.) I'd let her know this is an opportunity to grow her other friendships, even though it may hurt to see their love for each other fizzle out.
My son dated a girl one year younger than him his last 1.5 years of HS. Then he left for college 2 hrs away. They tried to keep in touch, but it didn't work. Later, he realized she is not really the dreamgirl he thought she was and he regretted all the time he missed with his other HS friends for those last 1.5 years of HS.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
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