b/f talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
b/f talk
4
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 11:28am
Well on Friday after school, dd brought her bf home to do something on the computer. He doesn't have a computer at home. I was still at work, but ds was there to keep an eye on things. dh came home and then had a little talk with the bf. dd went to her bedroom because she was embarrassed. dh told bf he'd better keep his pants on when he's around dd. He told him that he is very possessive(spelling???) of dd and if anything happens to her bf would be in alot of trouble.
So I am starting to get to know bf a little more now. I'm really trying hard to get to know him better, even though I'm not really liking the whole thing between them. He also met my sister inlaw and mother inlaw. My sister inlaw mentioned something to me. dd seems really happy now. She's laughing most of the time while she's with bf. She's coming out of her shell. She used to be quiet. That made me think alittle different about this relationship. But I'm still on guard with it though. He seems really nice and polite. But I think I'd like to talk to him a little more to see exactly whats going on this grad night and really should meet his parents too. That might make me feel a little better.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
In reply to: puglover71
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 9:05pm

That's good that you are getting a chance to get to know the bf better. And its nice that he makes your dd happy and she is becoming more outgoing. Meeting his parents (and making sure that you are on the same page regarding supervison of your *minor* dd when she is at their house) is a good idea too.

However, if you have reservations about the activities after the graduation then don't give in just because bf seems to be a nice guy or a relative liked him. Be sure that you trust him in his own behavior, and you trust your dd's choices in behavior, and you trust him to help your dd make good choices.

I remember a HS friend of my ds'. This boy was very polite and friendly to the parents, seemed like such a nice boy. Eventually ds started telling me some things that this boy did that were not so nice. He was an okay kid to pal around with a son that I trusted, but not someone that I would want with my dd, especially if I thought she could be persuaded to so do certain things...

Hopefully this bf will turn out to be a great guy that will want only the best for your dd; but until you know that for certain you should tread carefully and trust your insticts IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
In reply to: puglover71
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 10:49am
I don't want to fuel your fire BUT....some of the sleaziest guys I have known were ultra polite when the timing was needed. Eddie Haskel....need I say more? Its just not a sure fire way to let your guard down ykwim? Good luck to you. Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: puglover71
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 11:30am
I'm not going to let my guard down with him yet. I have to give it some time. I keep thinking the worst and even if it isn't the worst, I'm prepared for anything(I hope). He could be a great guy. And mabe he's using her, I don't know. Guys this age I think have alot going on in their head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: puglover71
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 2:45pm

DD's current b/f came to us highly recommended by some friends of ours that are very strict with their kids. They thought he was wonderful for DD. DH's cousin went to church with the b/f and had known him his whole life. She thought he was fantastic. Heck, my oldest DD told me that he was one of her favorite campers at church camp. All the staff loved him b/c he was so polite and respectful.

All these people don't see him on Fri nights when he's hanging out with his buddies. None of them knew about all the times the cops have called his mom to come get him b/c he was too drunk to drive home.

I guess I'm saying make him "earn" your trust - do NOT give it to him until then. I trusted DD with him so much more than I should have b/c I trusted all the people that thought he was so wonderful. He is respectful and honest and polite. He'll tell you in a heartbeat that he would rather get drunk on a Fri night than anything else if you ask but how many people think to ask that upon meeting someone (especially someone so many people have talked so wonderfully about).

Just please continue to get to know him before you trust him with your DD.