BFF's Birthday Party Coming Up...
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BFF's Birthday Party Coming Up...
| Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:17pm |
My dd15's very best friend (and almost only) is having a birthday party at a local hotel.
| Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:17pm |
I think I'd probably let her go with at least 3 agreed upon phone calls. One after dinner, one at 11PM and another first thing in the morning.
I would clarify for her that she is getting a golden opportunity to prove to me that she's not all about the drinking and partying and that if she wants even the smallest glimmer of hope that she will be allowed to attend future overnighters, she had better be on her best behavior. I would then contact the dad and explain to him how serious you are about your dd not having access to alcohol or any kind and that you hope there will be continuous, strict supervision at the party. Let him know you will be calling and when.
I like the idea of a setting up a couple of phone calls from your dd. However, unless she gets just totally sloshed, you probably won't be able to tell if she is drinking. Is it at a hotel again? Is there anyway you can *unobtrusively* observe them there at the hotel? And how old is the older sibling that is going to help "monitor" things? Sorry, but unless I know the kid, I wouldn't trust an older sibling to "monitor" much of anything. :) Maybe it's just me, but no WAY would I let ds20 monitor ds15 and some of his friends. Gosh, that would be like letting the fox watch the hen-house! LOL
Me being me, I would let her go, and I would let her spend the night. Yes, she messed up on NYE, but here's her a chance to earn your trust back. And I would tell her that. I would also let her know that I could show up at anytime there at the hotel to check on her. And, I would let her know that she is treading very thin ice on this and should she ever want to do something like this again, there better be NO mistakes.
I've had a couple of bd parties for the boys over the years at a hotel, so it doesn't sound weird at all to me. We had a ball. I rented 2 rooms with adjoining doors and told the boys if they locked that adjoining door then I would come in with my key and STAY in their room. LOL
If it came down to testing my child and having her call me every hour, I wouldn't let her go. Obviously the trust has not been rebuilt. I might let her go and stay for a while - maybe an hour or so later than last year. Explain to her that she has to earn your trust back - it only takes one bad incident to loose trust but many, many good ones to rebuild it!
I wouldn't have a problem with her sleeping over at a friend's house right now provided I spoke with parents first to be sure they would be present. Those are they times that trust will be rebuilt.
Well I talked to dd about the party and the fact that I'm uneasy about the whole thing.
I too, wouldn't trust the supervision of an older sibling unless it was a MUCH older sib. DD N has gone to parties that were mostly family - siblings, cousins, cousin's wife - and while I know they watched out for her to be sure she didn't get in over her head, there was nowhere near the kind of supervision I would have liked. However, it's really tough to say no to a party that's 75% family of her generation, though the majority of them are 4-8 years older than she is. OTOH, since she's gone to a couple of these parties, she's much closer to her brothers and cousins, and they're more protective of her than ever.
I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation. How well do you know the supervising dad? If he says he's going to be there keeping an eye on things, will he really? Or will he be sitting in front of the tv all night, beer in hand?
Rose