bfs and gfs sleeping over???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
bfs and gfs sleeping over???
21
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 3:17pm

I am completely blown away about a conversation I had with DD last night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 10:20pm

There are a lot of things that parents consider common that I would still not allow in my children's lives. In our town currently apparently smoking pot is "just what they do" - No matter what I am not going to just wave my hand and be ok with it.


SO - my advice to you is to tell your dd right now that you are very uncomfortable with this - ask her if you can have time, if you think you need some time. I think I would be really straight with her about how I felt and the whole cliche' -ness of the prom weekend. I would also call the friend's mom and have a conversation. It would be a very common thing for kids to use the two of you against each other. Also, one thing you have to remember is it does not matter what other kids do - your dd is your responsibility and you cannot compromise your values for what I call the rocks. You can say no if that is what feels right to you for your daughter. She does not have the same life experience as an adult. I know she probably thinks she has it all figured out but she has a lot of living left to do. You need to follow what your heart tells you...


If she is already having sex it really is just a matter of location - I think I would be more worried about the partying and the dangers that go along with that. Take some time to be quiet with this and figure out whether you are reacting to her request, what other parents will think, or something else. Once you do this you can get your head around it better.


Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 10:55am
I don't think its appropriate to equate being sexually active with smoking pot or drinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 12:48pm

I never say never...things are not what I expected when I was younger...I've dealt with things I never dreamed I'd have to, in a way so opposite of what I would have thought 20 or 30 years ago...


My DS-18 is sexually active (is that a duh?) and has been for 3 years...altho back then it was few and far between. We don't go into details, but I do have discussions with him about respect, responsibility, safe sex and liabilities. When the mood strikes, I'll even buy him a box of condoms and put them in his room. No talk.


About 3 years ago, the sister of his best friend showed up at his door, late, got a ride from her sister's boyfriend...he has his own entrance...I call him Basement Boy, lol...anyhow, she'd had a huge fight with her mom...not unusual, a dysfunctional group, but that's another story, and he woke me and asked if she could stay over in his room. This was my very first experience with a boy/girl situation, even if they were just friends. I mean, probably just friends. He has 2 beds, 2 couches and a vintage Castro down there...I was woke up out of a deep sleep and had to think fast. So, I said she could stay...if she called her mother and told her...and then, lol, I said you are going to be a gentleman and give her your room, and you can sleep on my floor. He gave me a look, but he did indeed sleep on my floor. Fast forward...he is almost 19 now...I have many bodies sleeping down there on any given night...beds, cots, floor...sometimes girls too. They've never given me any grief...I like knowing where they are and having the control of them being and staying safe, here..I know he has had girls down there sometimes, altho he's not in a relationship now. It just doesn't bother me at all...I wasn't brought up like that. LOL, I think I had a baby before my dad let me sleep with my husband. Where he is having sex is the least of my worries. I tell him to beware of girls that intentionally get pregant if they can...and they are out there. And even if it happens by accident,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 12:53pm
Hi. I understand how you feel. My stepson is 18 and his girlfriends come over to our house all the time. His father lived the same way growing up and doesn't think its wrong like i do and it causes alot of arguments between all of us. I have only given in a few times because nobody listens to me anyway and im on anxiety meds and get sick of arguing, so what can I do when the father of the house thinks its ok?? Im not a prude, in fact, ive probably done more than that kid has every thought about. But I always believed and was raised to believe that you dont sleepover with somebody in a parents house, somethings wrong with that picture to me. I wish you good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 1:19pm
It wouldn't be something I'd allow in high school and it wasn't done among the boys' circle of friends in h.s.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 1:30pm
I'm kind of going the opposite way with the double standard - even though DD and her b/f are not allowed to sleepover together here - and she's not allowed to sleep over at his house either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 1:32pm
Yea, see I don't think there's any hard and fast rules...and each situation and kid is different...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 2:06pm

As you can see, opinions on this run the gamut.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 4:00pm
I wouldn't say it's a crime but if young unmarried teens get pregnant, there are lifetime consequences, which we would like to protect them from.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 4:02pm
I can equate this to another situation--I know my 18 yo DD drinks alcohol occasionally, which is illegal.