biracial dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
biracial dating
15
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 10:58pm

My ds is "dating" a girl of a different race. I personally have no problem with this at all. What I am worried about is the conflict he may face from others who are not as open minded as I am. We live in a community where racism still exists to some extent and biracial dating is still considered unacceptable by many. When he asked my opinion, I was honest in telling him to expect some resentment and harassment from others. But, I told him, if he really liked her and it was worth it, then he should go ahead and ask her out. They are only 14 yr old and have not been out on a real date yet (her parents won't let her date), but they are bf and gf at school. He has confided that his friends are giving him a hard time about dating a black girl, but he doesn't seem to mind. He is the type to not let things get to him, but I still worry. I am posting this to get feedback to see if any other parents have faced this situation with their teen? I would like to know what to expect since my ds seems to really like this girl. He is planning on introducing us to her parents soon to convince them to let them go out....so I think he must be pretty serious to go to this much trouble to take this girl out. I want to be supportive, but I also want to know what to expect. Any feedback would be helpful.


Thanks!

Lacey

Lacey

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 12:22am

You said they are both 14, right? Race aside, the chances

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 5:46am

cant say that i have had this experience with my dd who is 15. she still yet has to have her first boyfriend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 8:26am

As the previous poster said - I wouldn't worry much about it at this point. At age 14 they are unlikely to last more than a few weeks, especially since they can't really 'date'. My older ds dated a girl who was biracial his senior year in high school. We live in a VERY non-integrated area. I think the whole 7 years the boys were in high school there was 2-3 black students and 4-6 asian students out of a school of 1000. The fact that she was biracial didn't bother me as much as the fact that she was pretty much on her own to raise herself had no parental supervision or rules, he was going through his rebellious stage, and it was a tough year. Fast forward a few years to college and he dated a girl from Nigeria for over 2 years - they just broke up at the end of the school year. She spent the last 2 Thanksgivings with us, came and visited on weekends. We loved her - she was smart (premed), funny, etc. But the relationship was destined to fail - she had to hide it from HER parents as her dad is very 'old country' and made it clear that she is only to date someone from Nigeria (even though they've been in MN for the last 20 years). In that whole time he never once got to meet her parents, go to her house, etc. I always just told him that if they did end up getting married they'd probably want to not settle in certain areas of the country because unfortunately racism is still alive and kicking. As far as anyone else giving Jason a hard time about dating her - nope. Even my then-78 year old step mom met her and loved her. And going to NU near Chicago - it was so diverse biracial dating was not at all uncommon. Now my dad may have had a bit of a hard time had he still been alive but he would have come around ;-).



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 8:32am
It's probably a bigger blip on your radar screen than on his.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 9:56am

I have a dd who is 13 1/2 and a boy named "M" asked her out at school, but at this age, I am not really concerned about the dating, since he is a grade younger than she is, and they all hang out as a group. I would not worry about 14, that is terribly young to be concerned with a dating relationship as it is, so I can see why her parents are saying no.


As far as the interracial dating is concerned, we live in an area where is it a heavily populated Latino/a area, and my son (18)

Community Leader
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 10:32am
Hi Lacey. I agree with what a PP stated, that at this age, it's likely not to last..not because of any race issue, but just because at this age, kids are so fickle. They technically are not dating, since her parents have set a rule. If they have a set age that they would feel appropriate for dating, I think your son would be unwise to try to go against that, kwim?

We live in an area with a huge Hispanic population. DD and DS1 both have been in a relationship outside their race. I think as long as you're not judging him or her, then you are being supportive.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 10:33am
While I wouldn't have any issues with my girls dating someone of another race, I would have an issue with a boy that was going to try and change our rules for our dds. If this girl isn't allowed to date yet then you son would be wise to not push the issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 10:50am
I am surprised that his friends are giving him a hard time because from what I have observed, dating outside one's race doesn't seem to be an issue w/ my kids or their friends. My just turned 15 yr old DS has a "group" of maybe 3-4 girls and 3 boys and everyone is white except one black girl. They went to her house for a pool party a couple of weeks ago & I met her parents. I know one of the other boys in the group likes her. I would think that considering our town/school system is maybe 90% white, her parents will have to expect that she might be dating guys who aren't black because there are just not that many.
Community Leader
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 11:40am
Well said! I think you got that point across way better than I tried. ;)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 7:25pm

Our church is multiracial, with several mixed race couples, so my kids think this is nothing unusual.


In your case, my concern would be dating at all at 14. That is very young. I'd just meet the girl's parents as potential adult friends, because the dating will probably end very soon.

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