Bisexuality?
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| Wed, 11-08-2006 - 12:33am |
my daughter is 14 and has not had any kind of sex - of this i am sure - she's had one boyfriend for about a month and they kissed...
now - i spy on her online activity - i admit it - and checking it today - it appears that she's thinking she might be bisexual... she's never mentioned this to me though i'm not surprised as this seems to be the very early stage of questioning how she's feeling... seems she has two male friends who have admitted to being bi- though in my experience boys who say they are bi are actually gay and just afraid to admit that at such a young age... i knew a lot of boys in high school who were just coming out and still had girlfriends... however, i didn't know any girls who went through this...anyway - i think she's defining herself based on why one of these boys thinks he's bi - and i don't know what that reason is... i do think that none of these kids have had any real sexual activity straight or gay at this point...
since she hasn't brought this up to me should i just ignore it until she comes to me with questions or should i try to bring it up in some way? i'd love to get her reading materials to help her but there's no way i can do that w/o admitting i've spied on her..
ugh
any advice out there?
Rachel

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This is in a nutshell exactly what I was trying to say. I think this trend is dangerous for true homosexuals and is going to lend itself to more ammunition to the camp that says that it is "always" a choice, which I do not honestly believe.
It does. And I appreciate you so eloquently disagreeing with me. I do respect other views, even if I don't personally agree with them. I was encouraged to see that I only got "flamed" once (so far). When we disagree, we can educate each other. But when we let emotions cloud things, we do a disservice to our position.
I wish I could. I don't really understand it myself, perhaps we should just defer to the experts. All I know is I saw a little boy who played with dolls and preferred the company of girls over that of boys from the age of 4, except of course when he got older suddenly he seemed to prefer the company of boys. I didn't right away think, "yeah, he's gay." But as he grew older, it apparently became more obvious (although not necessarily to me). Believe me, I was the last hold out to believing he was gay, and yet here he is 17 yo and without a doubt he's gay and "out of the closet". Most gay people will tell you they've been that way their whole lives, so I would venture to say it's not all about sex. But beyond that, I just don't know.
Do you get The Noggin Channel? Watch South of Nowhere and Degrassi the Next Generation with your daughter. South of Nowhere would be a really good way to bring up the topic. With tonight's episode that is especially true!
You seem a lot more accepting than my parents are. My parents actually made me go to gay-to-straight counseling at our church for three months. It didn't work and thankfully that is over now.
South of Nowhere is great! They do such a great job with that show!!!! Spencer and Ashley are fantastic together. Even though the actual actresses are straight, they make it very believable. It is a really cute show.
Degrassi the Next Generation will be hit or miss with gay issues. Usually they have other problems like drugs, sex, pregnancy, eating disorders, online predators, violence, child abuse, etc... I LOVE Degrassi too! Season five was great for lesbians! Alex fell in love with Paige and they had a really great relationship until Paige got accepted into college.
If you watch Degrassi then look for an episode called "The Lexicon of Love."
Here is a nice clip from the Lexicon of Love:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1Guo6yzP6LQ
Here is a commercial for tonight's episode of South of Nowhere:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=12rmy3aIwGs
Here is a sneak preview for tonight's episode of South of Nowhere:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DbZRyfNaWag
The-N (noggin) website:
http://www.the-n.com/
Degrassi the Next Generation website:
http://www.the-n.com/ntv/shows/index.php?id=67
South of Nowhere website:
http://www.the-n.com/ntv/shows/index.php?id=531
I am really excited about tonight's episode.
They rerun all the time if you miss it.
thanks for your post... we do and have watched the season of Degrassi with the gay female relationship.. though we've not watched south of nowhere and my daughter is not too much of a t.v. watcher so degrassi is about it ---
since i posted this message -- she's come to me directly to discuss this and I feel fine about it ... I would NOT be unhappy if she decided to have a gay relationship (in time) or if she were gay in the end... I'm happy that she's openly questioning her feelings and not closed off to possibilities - I think it's healthy... I'm proud of her.
Rachel
Your daughter is so lucky. You sound a lot like my girlfriend's parents. They are such wonderful people and so supportive of Kayla and me being together. I frequently wish my family were more like them.
South of Nowhere was really good tonight. I love that show. Paula (Spencer's mom) is just like my parents.
It appears next week is going to be really good. Looks like Paula is going to make Spencer see a reparative therapist. My parents made me do that for three months.
You sound like a really good mom.
I remeber your posts from another board and am glad you 'survived' the counseling!
Did the fact you came through counseling still committed to Kayla change your parents way of thinking at all?
My parents and I struck a deal. I would do three months of counseling and in exchange they would let me continue seeing Kayla. Well we both honored our agreements, but that is about it. They no longer treat Kayla like the plague, but there is still tension in the air when she is around. It still obvious they don't like seeing us together, but maybe they are trying.
My final counseling session was this past week. My parents asked me to continue, but when I refused there was not a lot they could do about it without proving themselves liars.
At 14, I'd probably be having a 'general' discussion about intimacy and sexual relations and that's it. I wouldn't specify gay, hetero, or bi relationships at all.
Giving her knowledge about protecting her heart as well as her body applies no matter what her sexual orientation is. Keeping her most intimate thoughts, feelings and desires to herself and only sharing them with someone she trusts and who trusts her is what I'd be talking with her about. Not whether or not she's bi, etc.
I just don't think it's necessary. In time, it will all come out in the wash. So, she might be curious or she might be experimenting or she just might have felt a special closeness with another girl and is wondering how that fits into her life. I think it's all okay...and it's up to you to just be there. If she were suicidal about having thest thoughts or feelings, then I think it would be a good idea to put everything you know on the table, but until then, as long as she's functioning and doing well in school and is social, then I'd leave it alone.
I agree that the only "clues" there are to differentiating between a gay, hetero or bi person remain within that person until she/he sees fit to share it with you.
If you're freaking out about it, I think you should go talk with a professional so you can learn how to deal with your own emotions and be a supportive parent to your dd, regardless of her sexual orientation (btw, I hate that expression, but it seems to fit this particular discussion). No flames, please, none intended. OP: many gentle hugs.
Hi :)
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