bodysnatchers... did your teen do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2003
bodysnatchers... did your teen do this?
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 10:56am

i almost don't know my kid anymore..

she was a cute, wonderful, loving smiling girl...

now, she is moody, lots of attitude.. knows all.....and lives in her room.....


I have heard people tell me teens are there own animal... but i guess they would not get my dd... they did.

I come home from work - and she is in her room.. (she works during the day part time from 8-1 at a local camp) sometimes (occasionally) she wants to take her dinner up to her room too, she does have summer schoolwork -projects and reading to do and SAT prep on her laptop that she does have to do.. and of course there is facebook and instant messageing as well..

my husband says to leave her up there, as she is basically a good kid... i am not sure about the living in the room part..

She does interact with us, as she passes us to pick up snacks.. or a drink, and she does bascially keep her room clean or will clean it when asked..

I remember growing up - always being out of the house unless being punished.. so i do not understand the room time.

As she is also an only child.. there are no others for her to watch or interact with - except for US - "the parents" as she now calls us...

How LONG is this PHASE???

Any advice on how to get my kids back would be great.

P.s. she does leave her room for social occasion with friends.. She is not a recluse or have social problems. FYI


Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 11:28am

Might be hard to do now that you've set precedence but you could always say no food in your room (we never permitted it and it was never a problem since ds knew it from when he was small)...

I'm an only, and ds18 is an only also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 11:31am
Your DD sounds completely normal. The only thing that would be different in our home is that we don't allow food in bedrooms, but otherwise, the *hanging out in their bedroom* has been done by all three teens that grew up/are growing up in our home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 11:34am


When I was a teen and wasn't out with friends, I hung out in my room (talking on the phone and/or playing games on my Commodore64). Not much has changed since the 80s from my perspective, LOL.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 11:48am

Teens now spend much more time at home in their rooms than they did when I was growing up. They text instead of talking on the phone, and they go online rather than talking face-to-face. If we permit this indiscriminately, we raise an entire generation that can't interpret body language cues, is uncomfortable making eye contact, can't manage blocks of uninterrupted time, doesn't know how to set boundaries, and doesn't know how to be actually present to the people they are with.

My parents would NEVER have let us have a phone in our room, let alone our own phone line. Their feeling was that the family is a FAMILY, and everyone should be part of it. DH's family was the same. We prize family time and our kids do too.

We have never allowed TVs or computers in the bedroom, period. Not only is it antisocial, it is dangerous - you have no idea what your kid is doing online and most TV is garbage. Taking the TV and computer out of your DD's room will cut down HOURS of room-time.

As I recall, your DD is 15 or 16. Our 18yo DD spent a lot of time at that age in her room drawing and writing, and a lot of it at the computer - in the family room, where we could see her but she didn't feel that people were spying on her. She didn't get a computer in her room until she was 18, and as soon as she got it, she said she didn't like having it because she felt isolated from everyone else. More often, she'll take her laptop into the dining room or living room so she can be on it but be with everyone else.

Also, do you eat together as a family? We always have, and almost every night, we all linger around the table talking - the teenagers too.

I know I've said this before, but the quality of family life is your responsibility. Just because kids aren't getting in trouble doesn't mean their lives are as good as they could be.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1999
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 12:35pm

>>I know I've said this before, but the quality of family life is your responsibility. Just because kids aren't getting in trouble doesn't mean their lives are as good as they could be. <<<<

I just can't get over the way of thinking that says because my child is a teenager they now have the right to disengage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 3:02pm

it sounds like your daughter is perfectly normal,

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 3:30pm

I agree with both you and Mahopac. My kids did NOT have computers or TVs in their rooms. They did NOT eat in their rooms. And unless school or work schedules were conflicting, we cooked, sat and ate, and cleaned up together. It gives everyone an opportunity to catch up, AND many hands make light work. I am neither the food nor the dishwashing fairy. The food does not magically appear, nor do the dirty dishes magically DISappear. Everyone eats, so everyone helps.

As you said 42, I also am amazed at the number of young adults with no social graces, who eat at your table, then haul a** into the family room leaving the wreckage behind, or who think an invitation to dinner means an invitation to take a plate to the sofa, turn on the TV, and shovel food into their mouths in silence! I was at a baby shower the other day, and can count on ONE hand the number of people, besides me and the grandma, who bothered to help set out the food, buss the dishes, and clean up the house at the end. And there must have been 20-30 people there. Shameful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 7:52pm

OK, so she works, does her school work, has friends & is basically a nice kid. Would you feel better if she was sitting in the living room and reading but still not talking to you? lol

I do think it depends a lot on the personality of the child. I had a situation where my 2nd DH was not very pleasant to be around, so all 3 kids (1 was his) would escape to their rooms every night & everyone was isolated. I didn't like that. So it's been 2 yrs. Now I have DS who's almost 15 & DD is 21. Both of them have TVs in their rooms but they hardly watch them. DD has an old TV & she discovered that the new cable doesn't work up there so unless it's a basic show she can't watch it. I also got a new computer and we couldn't figure out how to use the router so she can't use her laptop at home any more so both kids have to use the computer in the downstairs office. So when she could use her laptop & watch TV she was in her room more than she is now. I hardly see her anyway between her work schedule at night (where I work during the day) and if she's not working she's at the beach or w/ friends--I haven't seen her since Sunday.

W/ DS his new thing is more the DVR which is on the main TV downstairs so he always watches downstairs because he records a lot of shows. As I said the computer is downstairs also but when he's on it, it's not like I'm really interacting w/ him anyway. We also have a piano & he's started to learn how to play. He will go into his room to read or talk on the phone.

I really don't see it as that big a deal. I think as they get a little older, they will interact more w/ the family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 10:33pm


Welcome to the new century. 1st it is a new age with technology that did not exist in the past. Much of life today is thru cyberspace. She should be in her room! I am an only child. I also ate much of the time in my room so I could read in peace.

>>>>my husband says to leave her up there, as she is basically a good kid... i am not sure about the living in the room part..<<<<<
Your husband is right.
Your experiences do not carryover now. In the past is gone this is today. I too had friends I would go visit. Books were my main interest.
It is part of growing up and finding one's self. That is very healthy.

xvx Pictures, Images and Photos

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:57am

I agree that she can at least sit down for 10 min. For a meal at the table.

Also, the computer needs to be where you can monitor it's use. It just isn't safe for a teen to have too much freedom. Are you monitoring the cell phone and texts, also?

Good luck and try to get hubby on your side.