book for teen girls

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Registered: 02-14-2007
book for teen girls
9
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 8:30am
I have a 15 y/o DD who had her first bf this past year. We have talked about sex, but not as much as I would like--partly because it is awkward, but also because she can be hard to talk to at times. And as with so many teens, who knows if she really believes what mom says? She is a voracious reader, though. So DH and I decided to try to find a book that would explain the things we want her to know--not as a substitute for talking about it, but just as additional back-up. I found what I think is a really good one--it's written by two women who are physicians, but is written in a style that is very teen-friendly. I think the info in it is very thorough and not overly "preachy" (which I think would turn off many teens). It does a great job of explaining the choices that teens have to make and walking them through the consequences of each of those choices. It presents the info through real-life stories of teen girls, and real questions that these women have been asked by teens. It's called "Girlology: Hang-ups, Hook-ups, and Holding Out--Stuff You Need to Know About Your Body, Sex, and Dating". It's by Dr. Melisa Holmes and Dr. Trish Hutchison. I have no connection to these authors or the publisher--I just stumbled upon this at my local bookstore, and given recent discussions on this board about sexually active young teens, I thought it was worth mentioning!
Avatar for sharo63
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Registered: 02-10-2006
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 8:48am
Hi there! My DD 15 is also an avid reader and just finished what she is claiming to be her NEW all time favorite book!"Someone Like You" It deals with teenage age sex from a fictional point of view but the comments and reflectioon she shared with me from it were great. I should warn you that the premise is this: 16 yr old girl has a BF and has sex with him. He dies in motorcycle accident and she finds out 2 months later she is pregnant. Her best friend is also 16 and has bf but because of hwat she sees friend is going through decided not to have sex. The book is about the relationship between the two girls and how the life events for the first are shaping them both.
So there is my 2 cents.
Sharon
Avatar for bookwormmom
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Registered: 07-22-2003
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 4:05pm
Another way to get across what they need to know, especially if you are looking to give them not only actual physical accuracy, but also your points of view, values and morals is to send her an e-mail. I know this may sound a bit odd to some, but it worked great with my dd, I used to send her an e-mail and write just like I was talking to her and tell her in it that we would talk once she had read the info. The thing is you have to be sure to go back and talk to her. I always did and once the subject was already brought up in the e-mail it wasn't so uncomfortable for either of us. I did this when I needed to talk to her about masturbation. I told her what I wanted her to know and later asked if she had any comments or questions, etc. Way easier that just blurting it out to her. Over the last few years things have gotten easier and easier to talk to her about and we no longer do the e-mail thing. We just sit down and talk. She was really thankful that we started out so many discussions this way, it broke the ice and made for much easier conversation.
I still do send her an e-mail now and then just to say how proud I am of her etc. and that always brings smiles, hugs and thank yous.
Kristie
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Registered: 02-14-2007
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 10:23pm
I agree that writing notes or emails can be very effective too. I think anything that helps get the conversation going is a good thing. The book I talked about isn't just a book about medical facts. It does have a positive moral slant to it, but it's done in such a way that it helps the girl understand why some choices are better than others rather than doing it in a more heavy-handed way that might turn some teens off. I'm not saying I'd just hand her the book and be done with it. I think it's just a way to get a lot of information to my DD--that she can digest at her own pace and in her own time--so we can discuss it as things come up afterwards.
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Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 10:36pm

I have to reiterate the email thing. But in my case I have had many really great discussions with my daughter via instant messaging. When I am at work and she is at home (she gets home about 3 hrs before I do), she will go online to chat with friends using MSN Messenger. I got myself an account (I use it to talk to friends and coworkers too) and we keep in touch about what is going on.

Many times this has been a useful forum for us to have spontaneous conversations sometimes regarding a story she's read or sometimes regarding something she's heard about a friend or something that happened at school. And its allowed me to express my feelings without being preachy. And she feels less awkward and uncomfortable.

But you know, in the end, the decision is ultimately theirs. And all the well-meaning books and articles and discussions won't prevent them from experimenting and having sex. Heck, I was a very educated and knowledgeable young woman when I became sexually active and the results weren't always so positive. In fact there were alot of things that I thoroughly regret. I made alot of mistakes despite all the information I had. Our kids will make mistakes as well so all I can hope for is that I will remember the feeling of being young and impetuous and how I needed people to understand me and help me work through my mistakes sometimes...

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Registered: 02-14-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 9:13am

I use instant messaging to talk to my daughter too sometimes--just from the other side of the house! She spends so much time IMing her friends, I decided it was one way to (humorously) stay in touch with her. It's a fun way to communicate, although I haven't used it for anything too serious yet.

I'm not suggesting a book is a cure-all. I just wanted my DD to have good information and be knowledgeable about all of the ramifications of the decisions she will be facing w/ boys, sex, etc. She can be very hard to talk to, and she (like so many teens) thinks Mom and Dad know absolutely nothing. I just recommended this book because I thought that maybe others were facing the same situation, and I think it provides a very balanced view in a way that is appealing to teenage girls. I'm still talking to her about it. The book just provides a good starting point.

Avatar for bookwormmom
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Registered: 07-22-2003
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 12:18pm
I think I am going to check this book out. Is it for younger girls or would it be something an older teen would be interested in. My dd is 17 and on the brink of having sex. It may even be something I would be interested in reading. Sometimes these kinds of books give good ideas for bringing up conversations.
Kristie
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Registered: 02-14-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 12:29pm
Personally, I wouldn't give the book to a pre-teen or a very young teen. But I think once they get to be 14 or so, or once they start dating, it is definitely appropriate. I can't judge whether a 17 y/o would think it's appropriate, because my DD isn't there yet. If she's thinking of having sex, I'd definitely check it out. I think this book has the best explanation I've seen of the physical and emotional consequences of having sex, and it's done in a way that sort of says "here are your choices, think through what the consequences will be..." But they also talk about the advisability of waiting until you're older, about the different rates at which boys and girls mature emotionally, and the fact that 80% of girls who had sex in high school wish they had waited. It's all based on stories of real teens and questions posed by real teens. I just think it works well in my particular situation. I know my DD would tune me out before I got one-tenth of the way through telling her this information! And what little she did hear from me before tuning out, she wouldn't necessarily believe.
Avatar for weberdns0
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Registered: 08-25-2000
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 1:16pm
When wanting to talk about sex and other things check out the book store.
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 2:06pm

thanks for the book suggestion.. .we're always looking for more ...

my daughter is definitely on discovery mode.... both hetero and homo so we've talked a lot .. she's also 15.

Rachel