boyfriends & their parents ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
boyfriends & their parents ...
6
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 11:35am

my daughter went to her boyfriend's house yesterday for his birthday party... it was her and 8 of his friends -- all boys... they were in his house and then went bowling and then back to his place - with all the friends ... his mother was there - at least part of the time....

i had talked with her the night prior about making a good impression on the parents... they are not going to the same high school (he's going to an all boys school) and i sensed a little resistance on his parents part about their spending too much time together... I don't know if it's her specifically or if they are just somewhat more strict or traditional - which is what I sense. (FYI - they are both 14)

anyway - she came home and I asked her about meeting his mother and she told me she didn't speak to her... the mother did not introduce herself at all and didn't say one word to my daughter the whole time she was there (10am-7pm!)

of course, he's been to our house numerous times and i'm always around and have talked with him - albeit not at length - he's not terribly chatty - but i've talked to him -- he's kissing my daughter! of course i've talked to him!

i guess i'm just wondering what other parents perspective's are on this ...... my daughter tells me that i'm not like other parents... and i think she means it in a good way... lol... but i'm baffled as to why another mother wouldn't want to take the opportunity to talk to the girl her son is interested in? i know they aren't getting married .. but still?!

Rachel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 12:17pm
Nope, I don't understand why the bf's mom didn't talk to your daughter. I mean, I talk to every boy that my dd is interested in - either as "just a friend" or as a "boyfriend". And I want to talk to any girl that my son is interested in (but he is only 11 right now, so not too much to worry about for the moment). Sorry, I care too much about my kids to be "uninvolved" in their lives or "uninvolved" with their interests, lol!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 12:34pm

I think it depends on how the boy's mom acted toward the other kids there.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 2:20pm

Personally that wouldn't be MY approach either. Whenever my dd has friends over (whatever the gender) I ensure I introduce myself, get to know who they are individually, have a short conversation, whatever. I don't try to intrude and I really only have brief small talk and let them get on with things. I just like to get to know the kids. Maybe though that's because I am a rather outgoing "people" person in general and I genuinely LIKE meeting new people and I genuinely LIKE kids (and yes even teenagers). Interestingly my dd's friends all tell me they think I'm "nice" and "cool" because I try to get to know them and what they are interested in etc.

But not all parents are this way. I don't think my dd is familiar with very many of her friends moms. There are a few, with whom we spend alot of time and know the families but as for the others she hasn't said more than hello to most parents.

I think it may be about personality in many cases. You say your dd's bf is not a very chatty guy and maybe his mom is an introvert as well. Introverted people don't really feel compelled to get to know each person in the room all the time and maybe, for her, observing your dd was enough. Also alot of parents don't want to appear as though they are intruding or interfering and maybe she doesn't consider it important to get to know the gf as much as you do.

I wouldn't take it personally. They are only 14 after all and goodness knows how long they will be together so I wouldn't be overly concerned about it right now.

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 2:20pm

I personally think the BF's mom sounds a bit rude. When anyone comes to my house, I always initiate contact, introductions, etc.

I also think it was rude of the bf not to introduce his gf to his mom. If the mom was busy getting things ready and cooking, etc., and your dd means more than just a little bit to her son, bf should have introduced your dd to her. So maybe they are just rude people lacking in social graces??

However, I don't think it would have been out of line for your dd to introduce herself in this case - did she think of that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 5:43pm

OK, I think I fit the introverted category(well, I KNEW that)

10-TEN-teenagers in my home? a bowling expedition? a birthday party, I assume with cake and one or two meals?

I know some people just thrive on that sort of thing but I would find it overwhelming and would most likely be so busy organizing I wouldnt be thinking of 'oh, I need to make personal contact with X'. Besides, mom most likely already knew the majority of the kids there. I would not want to make the 'newbie' stand out by some formal introduction in front of everyone. I would also most likely be finding some 'alone time' during that long day(probably on IV)

So, I wouldnt go with rude at all. IF your dd went there alone and mom responded the same way, I would have concerns.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 9:36pm
When you wish your child did not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, the easiest thing to do is to pretend they are not there.