Boys!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Boys!
18
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 10:10pm

Seems like almost every discussion I have with my DD these days has something to do with boys. Now don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled she feels safe talking about this stuff with me, but lolol just once when I say "how was your day at school?" I'd like to hear something related to, oh I don't know, school(?). LOLOl nope - it's about boys - who she talked to, who she sat next to her, who someone has a crush on, who doens't have a crush, who's being nice/a jerk/sweeter/meaner....... And this has carried over to Temple - we went to a service Monday night, and afterwards she was the one with 3-4 boys buzzing around her. She said in teh car "that was fun" and I don't think she meant the prayers! Wednesdays are religious school, and all I heard about tonight in the car was "I talked to D all night" (I had to say, 'you mean when you weren't listening to the teacher?') and "I saw S tonight too"

And we have spent more than one dinner agonizing (her more than me lol) on why boys are "like that" and "are they jerks on purpose?" and "why do they only look at girls with big chests?" "why do they like girls who are slutty even when they KNOW she's really mean?"

OK - deep breath! Guess there's a few more years of this....and by then my DS6 will be obsessed with girls LOLOL at least I *know* something about girls!

Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: ljd_mom
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 10:17pm

Oh I remember those days!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: ljd_mom
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 11:38pm

I was just thinking the same thing today! Everytime I talk to my 14 yo about her day she describes the "social" things like the funny joke she shared in class with some classmates or the silly thing some boy did or what they did in the caf at lunch. She went on a field trip yesterday. I got one sentence about what they actually learned and half an hour about who-did-what and so-and-so-said-this-funny-thing and it-was-so-hilarious....

Sure occasionally she will tell me she got her test marks back and how she did...but its purely an afterthought. Unless of course she needs me to help type up something...then its all business.

But frankly I'm just pleased she is fitting in socially because she has always been such a shy and reserved person. The fact that she even TALKS to a boy is a miracle given that just last year in 8th grade she was known to bury her head in her books with her hair in front of her face and hiding behind her glasses. This year she's head first, hair pulled back, and wearing contacts -- she's not hiding from the world. So I'm not complaining!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 10:40am
I picked mine up one day and instead of asking how was your day or anything interesting happen, I asked her what was the most interesting thing she learned. The look on her face was priceless - you mean I was supposed to learn something, what a weird question, mom's a nerd! I got it all except the answer to my question!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:01am

You would think having 3 boys would give me a glimpse into the mystery of the male mind, huh?

Nope!

I think men are visual creatures to the extent they simply cannot ignore that call.

I can remember almost every guy I dated saying he wasnt into makeup and why did girls use all that gunk but,ineveitably, when we were out and a high maintenance girl walked by-zoom-his eyes were on her, not me

But perhaps that visual draw is only that and nothing more and those guys really did like the low maintenance gals-after all, they were out with ME ;)

So I would go with Pam in that it doesnt mean they want to date the girls who draw their attention. They may or they may not; it's like DH surfing channels-if there are sports or 'skin' he pauses; it doesnt mean he stays put, but he pauses.

And, yep, girls complain about guys being jerks but the only guys they are talking about are the cute popular ones. Theyre not looking at the studious quiet types(who may be perfectly cute)Theyre not looking at the heavy set fellows or the ones dressed in Walmart clothing.

My oldest never dated in high school. While I admit he isnt the most motivated 20 yr old out there, THAT wasnt exactly tatooed on his forehead in HS. Yet no girl put the moves on him and he is a great guy!!! Caring and sensitive; will actually listen to women talk;not a nasty bone in his body;awesome sense of humor; not into looks so not going to dismiss a girl whos not a 10. I know Im his mom but he is good looking-slim, 6-1-kind of a stooped shy look but not unattractive by any means

My middle 17 yr old has teh Abercrombie look and exudes the confidence that go with it. Girls flock to him!!

And, ya know what? I wouldnt want my daughter dating him!!!

I took his phone for punishment and read the text messages. Kristi-whoever you are-you are being played. Yes, he probably was with the other girl you heard the rumor about. Of course he doesnt want to go slow and if he tells you how sexy and hot you are a few more times, I suspect 'slow' will go out the window. And when he has what he wants, so will he!

If you're not a size 3 or less, you are too 'thick' for him. Girls are to have fun with on weekends; he doesnt want to be talking on the phone at night or having to meet anyone between classes. He knows what you want to hear and is happy to mouth it

Guys are jerks but girls allow and encourage it(my personal opinion, obviously)

Help her see the less than popular boys out there-there are some gems!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:10am
You sound like me and my mom at the weddings of both my brothers - we love their wives so dearly simply b/c they love our jerks. One brother is a former drug addict with a whole set of problems and his wife is a wonderful caring loving lady who understands him so well. The other is a gambling, truck driver. He spends all week on the road and on Fri night, he heads to the poker game. His wife is a loner and enjoys her time alone so they are perfect for each other. Neither is the sister I had envisioned or hoped for but I love them just b/c they love my brothers and I honestly don't know who else would put up with them!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:28am

Oh my ... this sure is timely. Yesterday was DD's birthday and one of her boy 'friends' (who also has a serious crush on her and asked her to be his date at homecoming, which she declined, and hangs around her locker every morning and every day at lunch) gave her a birthday card with a Borders' gift card in it.

Not wanting to be rude, she thanked him but didn't look too closely at it yesterday until she got home. It was for THIRTY DOLLARS!!! My flabber was seriously ghasted. That's some serious interest, there. This kid was once of the first people she met at school and she was the one who initiated the meeting because she wanted to get right out there and meet people, but is she interested in him? Nope. Not one iota.

She's got a crush on some freshman football player who she sees for a few seconds in her PE class and only knows the first name of and has never spoken to. I doubt he even know she exists even though he happened to sit right in front of her at the football game last week for a little while.

Boys is right ...

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:33pm

Oh my gosh!! I was just telling a friend how much 'boy drama' we've had of late! It seems like that is all my two DD's talk about as well. I have a 16 and a 17 yr old and oh man have we had some doozy situations. I'm just glad that they feel comfortable telling me about what's going on in their lives.

Oh and about the boys only like slutty girls. Yeah, my DD's feel like boys only go for the girls who will 'put out' and neither of them will compromise themselves just to get with a guy. I just tell them that a boy like that is totally not worth their time at all. Interestingly my DD's have told me of many situations where girls they know wish they wouldn't have done something or other with so and so because then so and so dumped her when another girl he liked better came along... So yeah... those boys are not worth it.

Good Luck!! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 4:21pm

Boy, I really want to know what you moms of teenage girls do that they seem so comfortable opening up to you on the subject of boys! I don't recall discussing this with my mom, either, until I was much older, and I consider myself to be very close to her. My dd is silent on any issue having to do with boys (other than mentioning their names in regards to other conversations). Tell me who she likes? Wow. I can't even get her to admit to me that she has/had a boyfriend though I know it's true. All of my friends say that their dd's are the same way, once they reach those teen years. Even dd's therapist say that teen girls withdraw and do not usually "come back" until early adulthood. So whatever you're doing, keep it up, and please let the rest of us in our your secret!

And by the way, I have to echo what other moms of boys have said - my ds has very strong judgments about girls who dress provocatively. I imagine the boys that go out with those girls wind up being the "bad boys" themselves. Of course they all look, but then so do we! As for why they like girls with big chests, heck, my ds wouldn't even begin to discuss such an issue with me. I might just try asking him today....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 4:44pm

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I'm pretty sure all my conversations with DD are 'edited' by her to some degree. She has only just started getting attention from boys so it's all new, exciting and somewhat nervewracking to her. I imagine that once it's a little less novel, she clam up some.

I never talked to my mom about boys either, but I was a very late bloomer. When the boys did start hanging around, I was much too shy and embarrassed about the whole issue to even try to talk to her, not that I think of she'd cared much anyway.

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
In reply to: ljd_mom
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:16pm
I think it has to do with the fundamental difference between sons and daughters/men and women. . . My friends who have sons ALL say that getting them to talk is like pulling teeth. Girls just like to "communicate" (as my dh would say.

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